Child support for BC
Hi
My DH and I have a fundamental difference in CS. I receive $800 a month for my DD in CS. He believes that that money should go into the family bank account and we cover her basic needs we when feel (but nothing over and above). I believe that that money is solely for her and doesn't get shared around all the kids. I feel comfortable to take out $400 of that to cover food, shelter etc but the rest should be put aside for her (like education and other things that I think are in her best interests) Although he agrees with that, he is not comfortable with it and I really wish he would see this from my point of view as it would make life so much easier. She's such a good girl and asks for nothing,
He says that if he received $800 a month for his son he would put that in the family day to day bank acc but I bet ya he wouldn't. If a child came to live with us and had a $20,000 inheritance should it be shared out of specifically put aside for that child?
If your husband truly
If your husband truly believes his plan is a good,tell him to let your ex know what he wants to do.
I guarantee he will not be willing to tell your ex he wants to take money from your daughter to spend on his kids.
Putting your daughter's money into the family pot is wrong.
ASK if he plans to have BM contribute to the family pot? If your ex has to help support his kids, then BM should help support your daughter.
Im so happy to hear that, Its
Im so happy to hear that, Its been a sick feeling in my gut over the last few years and Im simply over it.
Thanks
Is there any one else that
Is there any one else that sees this differently?
I call shenanigans on your
I call shenanigans on your dh. Just tell him that topic is no longer up for discussion. If he begins receiving money from his kids BM and puts his children's money where his mouth is, then you guys can revisit this topic.
Your child support is for YOUR child. I sure af wouldn't spend my daughter's cs on my skids. Don't budge on this.
I agree 100%
I agree 100%
That is really messed up? I
That is really messed up? I guess he thinks you are going to hoar her money and he will be supporting your child. If he is so afraid that a dime of his money is going to be spent on her, it is better to keep it separate. I think your offer of putting half in the family account is very fair. Even if you do NOT spend all of the $400 a month on your daughter, It could add up to down payment on a car or college funds when she gets older.
I do not get what your DH's problem is.
Should go only toward your
Should go only toward your daughter. Your gut is right.
My DH has always paid
My DH has always paid hundreds wkly for the Skids ash we spend huge amounts on going over and above on them. this has caused massive resentment for sure. time to book a counselling session
So he has agreed to the $400
So he has agreed to the $400 but you still feel that he holds some resentments? If I were you I would just ignore your feelings and get on with life. Your compromise seems a good one to me, he's agreed to it, there is no need to wallow over this or try to make him say that you are absolutely right and I was wrong, please forgive me. You are just hanging on to this argument and wanting to prolong it so that you get the satisfaction of knowing that you are right. Well you have a bunch of people here telling you that you are right so hopefully that will satisfy you and you can ignore the resentment that you feel your husband is holding onto. If he truly is still resentful he is unlikely to change his mind, just go with the $400 and get on with things.
the difference is that if I
the difference is that if I was to use that mpney to buy her a car for example, then he would expect the same for his kids at that age. Thats the reason i need that mutual understanding for the future to go smoother. My DH and myself have a different view on fairness
He can expect whatever he
He can expect whatever he wants,that doesn't mean he will get it.
I keep expecting to walk outside and find a money trees growing all over Brooklyn. I've been here most of life and I haven't found one yet.
I see nothing wrong with your
I see nothing wrong with your thinking. DH was in the military, then worked as a govt. contractor. He bought bonds for all of the kids (we have 2 together, and he has SD19). SD19 ended up with over $4k in bonds. The boys have about a grand a piece. If they attend a FL college, their tuition is covered through a bachelor's degree due to DH's disability status (service connected disabled). SD has cashed in half of her bonds to pay for car titling and insurance on it. Car is still registered to our address. As of right now, she has about $350 in fines due to non payment of tolls. Every time the notice hits our house, it gets marked with moved, not at this address. She claims she paid the tolls. She was told that she needs to properly register the car, but partying and dying her hair un-natural colors trumps real life sh*t.
Its a shame your SD wastes
Its a shame your SD wastes that money on her hair and parting,Thats not cool
Yep I've tried and begged
Yep I've tried and begged about the CS, he doesn't get it. If I wanna buy her a pair of shoes he has an issue, He doesnt want to go any where near helping her in her car or petrol. Ill do what has to be done for sure, just be a lot nicer if he was on the same page.
Stop having this conversation
Stop having this conversation with him. It isn't his money, so he doesn't get a say in how it is spent. Hell, to be honest her dad doesn't even get a say and he is the one who earned the damn money in the first place.
Even if the OP is unemployed,
Even if the OP is unemployed, her husband has to rights to HER DAUGHTER'S money.
Agreeing to have your wife be A SAHM doesn't entitle you to the child's child support money.
We both work full time, We
We both work full time, We bring in around the same amount per week which is plenty. My DH is a simple man who sees all the money goes to the family pot and shared equally unfortunately including CS. He has 4 kids and 1 lives with us and he pays $200wk CS. I contribute to his kids when they come here to stay and things they need. So he doesn't literally go and spend my DD CS. It feels that my DD is covered by her CS fully. None of our money seems to go her way, but I contribute to the skids. We have a 5 bedroom house so imagine our mortgage payments :?
I think he believes its
I think he believes its unfair that my DD gets benefits and the other kids don't, But at the end of the day the situation is that she gets CS for her alone. WHY can't he get that!!!!
No. Just no.
No. Just no.
Your DH is selfish and has
Your DH is selfish and has entitlement issues! The CS you receive should never hit the family money pot. Even $400 per month sounds high to me since he has so many more kids.
You would not need a 5 bedroom house if it was equal number of children per parent. He should contribute more to the family pot - not try to take from your DD's CS.
That money is not for his children. JUST SAY NO and do not speak of it again. This is a hill to die on IMO.
I cannot believe the nerve of him! What a doofus. Tell him to ask your ex if it is ok with him to use the CS money for his kids.
Edited to add: You should only pay 50% of the household costs at the most - not 50% PLUS $400 extra. I hope that is not what you are thinking of doing.
Time to separate
Time to separate finances....COMPLETELY. If he thinks that his kids get x just because yours gets x, then it is time to make sure that he doesn't just decide to take money from the "family pot" and use it to fund his (and BM's) lack.
Things are not always "fair" when it comes to blended families and CS.
He wants YOUR CHILD to make up the slack for HIM having to pay CS for HIS KIDS. Nope, no way, not the way it works. There should be no discussion or begging for you to get him to understand. It is what it is. You are NOT allowing your daughter to subsidize his kids.
OK Im just gonna put the
OK Im just gonna put the entire CS in a bank to the side for her alone. My DH and I can support her basic needs. That keeps everything fair to me. Its about time he contributed towards my DD financially. after all Ive been doing that for him all these years
You just lost me. It isn't
You just lost me.
It isn't your husband's responsibility to gel support your daughter. That task falls on you and your ex.
You expecting him to contribute financially towards your kid, is just as bad as him expecting to use her CS for his kids.
The step kids support all
The step kids support all comes out of the family pot, so should my Daughters, I contribute more than 1/2 to family pot so that well takes cares of her. Goes both ways
My DH feels all money goes to
My DH feels all money goes to family pot and we share the costs between us a family, anything other that that he feels like its a un-unified family. Keeping my DD CS separate just for her makes him feel that I am trying to separate her from the family.
Yeah He feels that I'm trying
Yeah He feels that I'm trying to keep her separate from the family. Sad that he has those feelings because they don't add up