Trying to turn it around
Hello this is my first post here, but I have been in a blended family for almost 8 years now. It has been a hell of a ride. Like many others, I would not do this all over again. It literally has stripped me of the funloving person I once was. Looking back I am so sad and angry that I allowed this situation to get the best of me and ruin my bio daughter.
I love my DH more than anything. I got along with his children marvelously at first. Sound familiar? Then BM got pissed. Told kids how horrible I am pit the kids against me and DH. Then it just spiralled from there.
I do take responsibility for myself and my actions. I could have done things differently. It is too late to go back and change them. My dear 10 yo DD has suffered incredibly from it. The skids treat her like crap because she is not their dad's daughter. I took all my anger from the skids and BM out on my DD. I constantly yell, scream and am always angry. She is now having problems at school.
Now DH and skids just say it is me because I yell. I never used to. But they don't say that. Just because I have been like this for the last few years they say it is all me. ME! That I have to change. Not that DH is not consistent and lets skids get away with murder. Not that SD draws pictures of me bleeding to death.
So I am changing it. It won't be overnight. I know this. So far the last week, I only had one incident. It is a start. For me. I don't care what the skids or DH say. Screw them. This is about me and my DD. I know what has transpired. I did not create the drama in my head. It just has gotten the better of me.
To my DH, however I need anger management. I tried telling him that it may be so, but we all need counseling. He says no, it is just me and my yelling. This is so sad to me. I always say to him, if I was always like this, why did you marry me? Why did your children love coming to see me and want to spend time with me wherever I went? Why was it only after SD 12 came to live with us and you took BM back to court it started to go bad? Why?
Thanks for listening.
Im sorry you are going
Im sorry you are going through this. It definitely sounds like some FAMILY counseling is in order. It isn't all you. Until you and your DH get on the same page, things will never change. Have you started therapy for your daughter and yourself?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Hang in there but as the
Hang in there but as the other comment said you HAVE to get counseling even if it means going by yourself for starters to keep your sanity. Take advantage when they're there to take care of your child and leave go to counseling, pamper yourself, get a massage, new haircut, pedicure, whatever it takes to lift your spirits. I never used to do it because of the guilt of spending money or being away from my child but have learned after therapy and parenting classes you need to nurture yourself first in order to be a good parent and come home in a good mood and plan for the next outing either by yourself and/or with friends even go see a movie by yourself and escape, that alone is good therapy....Give it a try. good luck.
Tat3, welcome to ST! I agree
Tat3, welcome to ST!
I agree with StepAside. I think that disengaging a bit will work wonders for you. This is not to be taken to mean that you should have NOTHING to do with your skids...quite the opposite, actually. Let DH deal with his kids and this will TREMENDOUSLY reduce your levels of stress and aggravation. Take time out for yourself. You seem to be so entangled in what's best for skid that you're forgetting what's in YOUR best interests. Focus on YOUR LIFE, YOUR GOALS, YOUR DREAMS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP with DH and on moving FORWARD from today on. Focus your stress and negative energy/frustration on doing positive things for you, your child and your relationship with DH. I'm sure you are right that skid is so much better off being raised by you & with your morals, ethics, etc... But if your raising skid is being done to your detriment to your health (mental, emotional or otherwise), then it needs to change.
YOU WILL ONLY BE TREATED THE WAY YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED.
Good luck! I hope you find this site & all the advice and support as helpful as I have.
Thank you. I have completely
Thank you. I have completely wrapped myself around thinking what did I do, what could I have differently so that they did not hate me. All it has done is make me think they are out to get me and will stop at nothing until I am gone. I am so intent on making sure my bio kids are nothing like skids as far as disrespect I have almost driven them to it!
I have been working on more positive energy the last week and although it can be tough at times, I can see the little changes in my BD that keeps me going to see how much better it can be.
Being a SM is not easy. Its not always white picket fences and roses, but I know I am a good person and have done everything I can for my skids to ensure they have a safe home and are provided for. And as long as I know this, that is all that should matter.