You are here

No CS, no problem!

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 2:45pm

Anyone have any experience with H or SO refusing to collect CS from BM? This has been going on for years and I've never been able to understand why. We are financially comfortable, so we don't "need" the money now, but now that H feels the need to buy SD15.75 a car for her 16th bday and tell her he'll cover some undefined amount of college tuition, I'm getting a bit concerned about how we're going to swing it alone. He has no intention of collecting CS from BM ever...his words. I swear, if we didn't live 5 states apart I'd question the relationship!

Comments

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 2:48pm

Oh and last night he dropped the little bomb that BM is about to receive her trust fund. Never knew she had a trust fund coming! Isn't that great for her!!

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 2:56pm

SD lives with her during summer vacation and visits at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring break. They split the travel 50/50. So unless you count living expenses during those times (which H does), no.

Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 3:09pm

There's no way I could handle it if DH & I were providing 100% for a kid HE produced with ANOTHER person, while that other person is doing nothing! I would pitch a huge fit if DH suddenly wanted to buy a car and pay college for that kid!

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 3:19pm

Yeah, I'm not handling it well. The only silver lining is I'm currently a SAHM, so I don't have a paycheck in this game.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 10:15am

I read the title and saw red. But after reading this post, I don't think it's a big deal. If he wants to support their kid all on his own, more power to him. Plenty of BMs have made the same choice.

It would be wrong if he expected you to help support her while letting mom off the hook.

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 11:39pm

After 1 year of SAHMommyhood (I'm now entering year 3), he started in about me going back to work so we could have more discretionary income (aka for me to stop telling him we're frozen until next payday). My canned response continues to be (as he still brings it up about every 6 weeks) "you better get BM on the phone and tell her to start sending her checks." It always sends him into a toddler temper tantrum, but whatever. I win.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 3:52pm

I understand, what is with DHs not holding BMs accountable for their financial portion for their kids! SS3 reregistration is coming up for next year and when I asked DH if he was going to ask BM for her half, he said no he's already had that argument once. Last year BM said that she shouldn't have to pay for anything on DHs time which means all school stuff. She didn't pay last year so hes not going to bother with this year coming. Talk about dumb. We going to be so screwed in the future

just_tired's picture

Submitted by just_tired on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 4:01pm

My BM is ordered to pay but has no job, probably can't get a job since she is awaiting trial on a felony, and can't see the kids unless it's supervised. We will never see a dime, so DH & I are 100% finically responsible for skids. The new order came into play last September and she's already behind $1200.00.

somedevilishbeauty's picture

Submitted by somedevilishbeauty on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 4:09pm

Yeah im going to be in this boat with 2 kids. DH told her she needed to straighten her life out. He said he wasnt going to go after CS but he didnt know if the judge was going to order it or not. SS isn't DH Bio so she should be responsible for at least that, but of course she has no job so i dont know how she would pay it anyways.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 4:21pm

mmmmyeah i dont get it either.

not sure about his real, true feeling on this, but i have a sneaky suspicion dh wont go after cs cuz u cant get blood from a turnip... that, and the paltry amount she's ordered wouldnt even buy a tank of gas.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 4:27pm

The BM is my life has not paid for anything for her own child for about 4 fuckin years.....pissis me off.

Hubby does not want to fight her since she barley works and might go to jail. Her CS would be about 50.00 a month - he says not worth the flight.

I get what he is saying, but there are times I just get pissed that she doe nothing! I work full time and help her child out and she does not. My blood id boiling right now as I type this......

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 4:30pm

My dh and bm split up right before ss's 1st birthday. Dh wanted custody. The only way bm would give it to him was if there was no child support and he gave her his share of their piece of crap house in the hood. Which he did. When ss was 6 bm amazingly took him back to court to,force him to follow our state guidelines for visitation because she got pissy at us that we wanted her to show up at a scheduled time for pickup. Ironically she ended up getting no more visitation than she already had but now she had to follow certain rules. Dh also took this opportunity to ask for child support. Which was granted. She is an idiot.

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Fri, 02/20/2015 - 6:49pm

Oh wow! I didn't even think of having SD file for it when she's 18. That's great! SD keeps her loser BM on the highest pedestal you could ever imagine. We have never discussed the lack of CS in front of her, so as far as I know SD thinks BM is paying. I would love to let SD in on this little secret once she is eligible to go after it herself.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 3:57am

Don't you just love these men who are too scared/egotistical to require their BMs to pay cs, yet have no problem expecting us to help support their offspring ?

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 4:12am

we just received custody of ss. dh didn't want to make bm pay child support, said it doesn't make him feel like a man. I told him he'd better find another way to feel like a man because if i'm expected to provide for her child, she sure as hell is! he asked for child support. if he hadn't, I would have left.

canichangemyanswer's picture

Submitted by canichangemyanswer on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 11:30pm

Oh dear Lord! In your case, I definitely see where skipping the CS would be the best route. I'm thankful BM isn't HH crazy for sure!

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Mon, 02/23/2015 - 9:00am

In most cases, not holding the NCP to their financial responsibilities towards their own child is akin to stealing from the child. If you seriously do not NEED the money, you could put it in a fund for the child's college or retirement. It isn't the parent's money to screw around with.