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Favors and strings attached - Rant

noidea1010's picture

Can someone share their definition of a "favor" for me? Apparently mine is corrupted. My idea of doing someone a favor is doing it and expecting NOTHING in return. Not for them to do me a favor back, not for me to have to pick up the check for a few dinners (unless that's what I choose to do).

Apparently this isn't how SO thinks of favors. He's done some repairs around my house and rental for me, which I GREATLY appreciate. In return, without talking to me about it, I was expected to pay for gas and trips. What I had actually said was that I would pay for him to get something fixed on his truck, NOT use an entire tank of gas driving SD12 around for the weekend, including a two hour car ride to get a cat, including the fee for the cat and the toll bridge. When I brought up how he was taking advantage of me, he tore up the check I gave him to fix his truck. Something he actually needed. The repair to his truck was more expensive then the gas, toll, and cat, but I was EXPECTED to pay for it because he did me a "favor". Granted, this happened awhile ago, but I'm setting the precedent.

Last couple weeks, I have needed a couple things done in my house. If we weren't dating, I either would have done it myself, called my brother, or hired someone to do them. SO chooses to announce to several of our friends that I don't appreciate the things he does for me. That's he's done this and this and this...you get the idea. I'm biting my tongue, but in my head I'm thinking, "Do you really want to get into who does more for who, fucker?! Because I will mop the floor with your ass." Unless, of course, you don't think of me helping out with YOUR daughter is helping. Pushing you to keep up on her grades so that she learns discipline. Encouraging you to make her read more so that she will get back up to her reading level. Chore charts, watching her while you go to friends houses to drink a few beers or out for a sports night. Helping her learn to eat properly. How about all the times that I picked her up from the next town over or bought her clothes. Set up a room in my own house for her so that she would be comfortable here. Setup and pay for weekend trips for us. Help your parents out with their computer problems. Help him with his computer problems. Let you throw parties at my house, because your rental is too small. Helping you to find a daycare person so that you could get on a more consistent schedule.

On top of this, there are certain things that I know I can do, however, if I do them SO gets pissed off, because I shouldn't have to do them if he's there. I shouldn't have the mentality that I can take care of things on my own, I should only have that if he's not around.

I can go on, because I have one of those memories that doesn't forget a whole lot. Dumbass SO has a horrible memory, but remembers what he does for me. Well, idiot, so do I. I also don't expect things unless I talk to you about them. So I talk to him about it this weekend, which is when I realized he has no clue what I do for him. I told him that if he wanted to continue to treat me that way, I'll take care of my own things, even if that means hiring someone. He got very defensive and I told him I don't expect strings with favors or to have it lorded over me. Yes, you may have saved me money, but I would rather pay the money then hear about "all the things you've done" for the next year or so. He says he doesn't have strings on favors. I was proud of myself and didn't laugh in his face. Instead, I brought up the time I was expected to pay for gas and things because he had done me a favor. Oh, well he guesses he's just making sure he "gets it back." That would be a string you idiot.

Ok, end of rant. Off to find a couples counselor, because apparently I need someone that can break it down better then I can.

Comments

somedevilishbeauty's picture

Love the profile pic..... I saw your post and thought for a second i had posted something he he

zerostepdrama's picture

I'm not sure that I know every profile pic that everyone has.

Am I missing something?

Tuff Noogies's picture

which is why Echo's is so distinct Wink

i LOVE that monkey- it makes me gigglesnort every time i look at him!!!

^_^

zerostepdrama's picture

I rarely look at the avatar. But I can see how it can be confusing. Guess we better just make sure we are looking at the name too and not just going off the picture.

noidea1010's picture

oh my goodness!!! I'm so sorry! Lol, the other day I googled Evil Stepmother because I decided I needed a pic. I didn't even realize there was one on here! I'll go google some more. Blum 3

somedevilishbeauty's picture

its all good i thought it was funny you didn't have to change it lol, i thought the picture was very fitting, glad someone thinks like me lol

DaizyDuke's picture

The things that your DH is doing for you seem to me to be things he should WANT to do for some one that he loves. I mean if you need something fixed and he is able and has the knowledge, you'd think he would WANT to do that without expecting something in return?

My DHs ex girlfriend (not BM) took him for a ride for sure... she bought a fixer upper house and comissioned DH to do the fixing. She bought the materials and such, but DH did ALL the work, thus saving her a ton of money. She turned around and sold the house and made $30,000 and didn't give DH a dime, didn't even treat him to dinner. He resented her terribly for that and they split up not long after. He felt used and abused (and I know that she hated BMs and skid crap) so it was more than just the house stuff but I think DH resentment and feeling used played a big part.

hmmmm kind of like my resentment and feeling used in regards to skids Wink I may have a good analogy to use next time we have a stupid skid arguement which is likely to be tonight since skids suck. Sad

noidea1010's picture

Bringing it up like that in front of our friends just makes me think he's putting me down to build himself up. However, a problem when you date an independent woman (supposedly one of the things he LOVES about me), she won't let you use her as a stepping block for long.

Not to mention losing respect for him because he is not respecting me.

And I agree, he should be happy to help me with these things if he loves me, without expecting more then a "Thank you" in return. He always said he was a "Fixer", must have missed the part where he was a "fixer, who didn't let you forget he fixed it."

kathc's picture

Stop letting him do any work on your house. Just pay someone to do it or, didn't you mention you had a brother who could do it? Hell, buy yourself a toolkit and do it yourself! That's sure to be cheaper than constantly having to pay him back for when he does something.

noidea1010's picture

That's exactly what I told him I would do if he didn't change the 'tude.

Before we started dating, I did do a lot of these things, have more power tools then make-up. He knows this, which makes him idiot. Smile