Bribing Kids ~ Then Making The Kid Look Like The Bad One
This is long, sorry!
I keep reading alot about PAS, and I think that BM is getting pretty good at it. Yesterday was the day the courts appointed for FH's weekly visit with SD8. While still busy at work, FH texts BM to "see" if he is going to get SD today. Here is how the convo went:
FH: Just checking to see if I get SD for my visit this evening.
BM: I have never kept our daughter from you when you have asked to see her. Didn't hear from you last week though??? She gets out at 3 call SD and ask her then.
FH: I didn't call last Wednesday because I had SD until 9 at night on Monday, didn't think you would give me another extra day.
BM: Whatever, FH. Like I said, she gets out at 3, call her then. I am sure she would like to see you for a couple hours. PEACE.
3 pm rolls around, and he calls SD. Here is that convo.
FH: Hey sweetie are you going to come visit with me for a little bit tonight?
SD: Silence.
FH: I haven't seen you in a week we really miss you...
SD: Mommy let me have my friend over and I want to stay home and play.
FH: Well can you come over tomorrow night instead?
SD: I don't know.
FH: Put your mother on the phone.
BM: Hello?
FH: BM I told you I wanted her this evening.
BM: Look, don't get mad at me, I told SD it was your night and she wanted to have a friend over. I have to go get groceries in a half hour SD's friend has to go home then. You can't have her on Tuesday or Thursday anymore she has greek school.
FH: I will be there at 5. *hangs up phone*
30 seconds later, FH's phone is ringing again. It's BM's phone number on the caller id.
FH: Hello?
SD: Hi daddy.
FH: Hi honey, I told your mommy I will be there at 5 so I will see you then. Can't talk now, I am still at work.
SD: Mommy said my friend can stay so I am staying home instead. *mumbles something about birthday*
FH: Can't hear you honey. Let me go outside.
SD: I am going to stay home to play with my friend *mumbles something about birthday again, still haven't figured out what she was talking about*
FH: SD, this isn't fair. You live with your mom and see her every day. This day is supposed to be spent with me. You get to see your friends every day at school. I have to go. I am at work. I will see you Friday then I guess.
SD: silence
*FH hangs up and calls me, very upset*
I get upset, because when SD is here I have to plan to cook for 4, not 3. Therefore, I bought 4 pork chops, and took them out of freezer to thaw out. Of course I was totally ticked to have to figure out something else for dinner last minute, not like I have money to waste on food that doesn't get eaten.
Then, BM starts in on FH in texts.
BM: I will not tolerate you talking to SD that way and making her upset. You havn't been around for 8 years, who the hell do you think you are??
FH: You failed to give me my court ordered visitation with SD.
BM: NO. You Failed SD.
FH gives up on talking to her, what's the point? BM doesn't stop though.
BM: It really pisses me off that you make your daughter cry because she doesn't want to come play with MollyBee's daughter.
*gasp* Don't talk about MY child EVER. SKANK. (didn't say that to her, obviously!)
10 minutes later..
BM: You need to talk to SD like I do. You are trying to rip her away from her home. Have you even talked to her about court?? I have. She doesn't want to move..
5 minutes later..
BM: You need to grow up and learn to communicate with me and your child I didn't do this she didn't want to come I don't understand why you are mad at me?
The texts continued all evening, even without FH saying anything back. She always says FH hasn't been around, but we can prove other wise. I am sure that she says this crap to SD as well.
BM may think that we are stupid, but our visit was cancelled because of HER. She shouldn't have let a friend over of SD's right before FH was supposed to pick her up. This isn't even the first time that this has happened. I am tired of SD and BM doing this to FH.
If you read my post about FH forgetting our anniversary, its only going to get worse, as my Birthday is Monday, and we are broke from paying $750 for GAL that BM still hasn't paid her share, our mortgage is late.. god we are falling apart, and the drug using drunk of a BM isn't even in contempt, and walking around like her sh*t doesn't stink is driving me CRAZY!!
Should we talk to SD this weekend? About daddy time being just that? FH plans on telling SD and BM that he will no longer call on court appointed days, he is just going to show up and if he is denied he will call the police with court order in hand to get SD.
One more thing, we know that BM is supposed to report to jail on October 8, she hasn't mentioned it to us, and our attorney told us we need to ask her about it this weekend when we get SD. I don't think she is planning on reporting to jail, she has been running from the same jail time for 7 years. If we don't say anything maybe she will just run again.. making her look even worse.. Ideas?
Sorry this was sooo long. Had to get it out!!!
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Comments
BM
BM had no right to allow SDs friend to spend the night when her own daughter shouldn't have been at BMs house either. It's BMs job to tell SD 'honey, you'll have to plan a sleep-over for another time because you have plans to go to your father's house tonight, remember?
BM isn't helping the situation at all (obviously). I would definitely follow up on what you plan to do. Show up - no phone calls beforehand, and if they're not there, call the police. At least that way it will be documented that BM is keeping SD from DH.
As for BM being a 'drug using drunk', have the court test her for drugs. That's gotta be a deal breaker with regards to custody - right?
Just showing up........
That's exactly what I would suggest and if BM won't give SD over, I would call the cops. You will have to explain to SD that this is not about her and that Daddy is willing to do "anything" to get to see his daughter. The main thing is not to have the skid upset by all the commotion, but in reality, you probably won't have to call the cops. Just the threat of it should work.
As far as BM going to jail on Oct.8, would SD stay with you guys? And if BM runs off again, will she take SD with her?
******My daddy always said: "It's better to be a SMARTASS, than a DUMBASS!******
Jail was supposed to happen in June
FH and I planned a vacation for the 2 of us in June, totally Harley Davidson oriented, so no kids allowed lol. BM called a week before Vaca and said, "I am going to sit my jail time next week. You want SD or not?"
We took her of course, ruined our much needed vaca. (For damn sake, our house burned down 4 days before Christmas last year, we had just moved into our new home, I think our vaca was well deserved!) Needless to say, BM didn't report to jail while we were on vaca. Instead, she ran the streets and got arrested for drug possesion, disorderly conduct, and paraphenilia.
Hopefully SD would stay with us, we have found out she was in jail before and SD was being watched by whatever loser boyfriend BM had. We have had to go get emergency custody of SD before because of it.
BM was indicted for drug trafficking right after they divorced. She ran 6 states away with SD for a year and a half. that is the only time FH wasn't a part of her life, but she was running from the LAW!! She was finally found by a bounty hunter and brought back.
I wouldn't mention the police part to SD
as I don't know how she'd react to it, and I think she's a little young for it. I think you guys should go for custody of SD. It sounds as though BM has a pretty good rap sheet.
I would definitely, Just
I would definitely, Just show up to take his child on his visitation schedule, and if denied I would call the police.
This is disgusting and I can't imagine why a bm would want to seperate her child from her father for no good reason.
I have an ex who DOESNOT keep to his schedule, cancels doesn't show up or calls last minute and wants my bs, so as a result my son doesn't want to see him sometimes, however I WISH my ex would be a father to him and if he was wanting visitation on his days instead of keeping him away I would be happy that his father wanted to be part of his life.
Why does she say he hasn't been around for 8 years?
Before I met FH he didn't have anyone to keep SD at home..
FH dated 2 other women before me, and neither were willing to keep SD for him while FH worked. He always sent her to stay with his parents on his weekends. He did, however, go to his parents house to see her while she was there after work, and kept her til bed time on fridays. After I moved in with FH, and saw that SD was shipped off to spend the weekend with grandparents, I stepped in and said, hey, I can watch her you know. Ever since then, SD stays here all weekend long.
He has always been a loving father, which is why he works 80+ hours a week as a supervisor at a lumber yard so her mother can rake in 400+ a month in child support. Where we live that is alot of money, considering he makes crappy money. I didn't agree with his parents keeping the child, when I was willing and able to watch her. BM had no problems with me until we decided to take her to court for full custody.
ps... He missed out on her life from 6 months to age 2 until her mother was finally captured by a bounty hunter for drug trafficking. The child was then hidden from him for another 6 months while BM was in a mental institution and then a drug rehab. After that point, he would drive 2 hours away hoping to see her, only for no one to answer the door when he knocked.