Why oh why did I do it!?
So I have been with DH almost 8 years now. He has a bioson (8) and we have together 3 bio children (5,3,11 months). A few years ago he asked me if I loved SS and I was honest with him and told him "no, it's definitely not the same feeling as with (my bio kids) so and so. I care about him and his well being but it's not love" . Now every time I have to punish SS and DH doesn't agree with the punishment he says "it's because you hate him". I never said I hated him (but it has crossed my mind), I don't treat him different then the other kids as far as attention and whatnot, I don't punish him for no reason but I do expect him to act his age and not like my 3 year old so I treat him older and with more responsibility.
I keep telling DH that if he doesn't stop accusing me of being hateful or unfair that I will no longer parent SS. It's not fair that I get attacked because of feelings I cannot control. I should not be made to look like the bad guy because I don't love a child I did not birth. We have full custody and DH is deployed all the time so it's very unrealistic that I don't parent SS. I am a SAHM and don't know how else to go about the situation. DH and I have an amazing marriage with just this (SS and his behavior ect..). He is a great father and I do not plan on divorce but I think it may come to that if this doesn't stop.
I will never understand why
I will never understand why or how these men can't and don't "get it"...just because that child is apart of them DOES NOT MEAN that we are automatically going to love them and want them and treat them like our own! We are with our men for THEM not their children...the kids are IMHO just an unfortunate part of the package that we are stuck with if we want to be with the man we love. I would love for these men to walk a week in any of us SM shoes and see what it is REALLY like to deal with someone elses brats!!! Bet they wouldn't like it too much....
My dh gets it b/c he has bio
My dh gets it b/c he has bio and I have bio, and we have no kids together, so it's just yours and mine, and no ours. However one time I did yell at dh that I "tolerated" his son, did not even really like him. I think of tolerating as a positive, dh thinks of it as a negative. Now he throws it in my face whenever we're fighting.
My DH brought up that I
My DH brought up that I should care about his son (27 and a drunk) like he does about my sister. He doesn't really like my sister and hasn't spent 2 hours with her ever even though she lives less than a mile from us.
I said the comparison should be more about how I treat his sibling not his son. We've taken his brother on trips, etc.
SS27 has no redeeming qualities and is not someone anybody would want in their life. He's tall and very, very good looking although he's often puffy from his drinking. That's the best thing I can say about him. Looks mean nothing when what is inside is missing.