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Vent about SD. surprise surprise

Areyou's picture

I have an SD13. She is a typical teenager (I hope it's typical and it's not because she can't stand me and DD). DH loves to have family dinners and play house because he's just loving, big hearted, and sweet that way. He cooks delicious food and takes care of all of u. SD always ruins it for DH with her attitude. She will join us for dinner but refuse to eat. She'll just sit there and stare at us and criticize people about their eating habits, call out people for inaccurate use of words that people do all the time when they speak casually or are kidding around, roll her eyes, huff and puff. She has this scrunched up lip look like she just ate something bitter and you could cut the air with a knife, it's so tense. Her negative vibes could literally knock you over. She's got horrible energy and she's just horrible in general.  DH just acts like nothing is going on and continue talking to all of us like everything is all fine and dandy. I can't stand it. Last week, I told her to stop criticizing people and let them enjoy their meal. She let out the old huff and puff sound and DH just nodded his head like he was saying "Yeah, Areyou is right."  Then more tension and awkwardness ensured. It just makes me sick. Later on I told DH that SD makes it miserable for all of us and he says "she's a miserable teenager." I said is it because of me and DD? DH said no, she's just at a miserable stage in her life. When she was ten she wasn't so bad but then at that time, DH and I were just dating. When our relationship became serious, she started acting like this. I've been putting up with this for 2 years.  Do I stay and put up with this crap? Will this kid make my life miserable or will she grow out of it? I love DH so I rationalize SD's behavior that she is just a teenager, but seriously? The other teens in the house don't act like this. Does she have a mental illness? Is she destined to have a negative out look on life? She has no friends, she's overweight, self esteem issues, and she has major social anxiety. What are your thoughts? What would you do or what have you done?

thinkthrice's picture

needs to crack down on her.  "SD its rude to sit at the table and raise to eat."  "SD its poor breeding to criticize others all the time...show some respect."  "You're getting older so stop behaving like a spoiled child. "

Areyou's picture

I know right. He's trying but if he did it all the time, our whole dinner would be centered on her and her attitude so he just ignores her. I ignore her too. She just gets ignored by all of us until we can't take it anymore. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Is it at the dinner table while eating as a family , the only time SD displays this intolerance and disgust? Or does she do this behavior all the time during her time in your home and dinner is just when she has a captured audience that can't escape her? 

Areyou's picture

She's bipolar. One day at dinner she'll be all talkative and innocent, the next she'll act like a biatch at dinner like I described. She does this in public too because she has so much social anxiety that she takes it out on all of us and again it's bipolar, on some occasions she holds it together, on some she has complete meltdowns. She does this around the house when we're sitting around, one day she will be all fun and talkative, the next she will start punching the other kids and screaming and kicking. But she consistently criticizes people and acts like a know it all. Towards me, she'll act all nice and talkative, then the next day she'll act like I don't exist and squinch up her lips when she's around me. 

nengooseus's picture

She's a very picky eater, so she is often POd about dinner.  She doesn't openly criticize unless skids are there.  She hates them and is pretty vocal about it.

My guess is that the nastiness is to cover for her insecurities.  Her dad needs to manage her better and stop the snotty comments when they happen.  If he doesn't do that, it will keep getting worse.

Areyou's picture

Should I keep confronting her or just let her continue making it uncomfortable for all of us? She’s causing DD and myself to hate her with a passion.

GoingWicked's picture

It’s your DHs and possibly BMs parenting that is the problem.   I would just tell DH you and yours will not be eating at the table with grumpy pants until he fixes her behavior.  Take your daughter and eat in peace.  If he wants a family dining experience then he needs to get SD to act like a family member.

Letti.R's picture

Part of proper table manners is knowing how to interact with others around the table.
This girl is plain rude.
I would ban her from family dinners until she cleans up her rotten act.
If she can not behave, she doesn't eat with you - she does not deserve to.

If she has no friends and self-esteem issues,I am sure it can be traced back to her pathetic attitude and treatment of others.
DH should not rationalise rude: he should correct it.

Cover1W's picture

oh yes, SD14 was like this too - refused to eat food we made, was sullen, argumentative or just downright rude at the dinner table.  DH just mostly ignored it.  If she left the table, she was never, ever made to relinquish her electronics, so how great for her if she was excused!  Back to her hovel with her devices, exactly what she wanted anyway.

One of the last things I said to her before she left our house was, after one of her holier-than-thou lectures about something she was obsessed with, "You know, I prefer to just take people by their actions - if people treat each other with respect and kindness that's enough for me.  I could care less about (your theory x or y) and I'm tired of hearing about it."  DH actually had to suppress a laugh because HE was sick and tired of hearing it at every single freaking meal too.  She strode out of the room in a huff.  Unknw

 

Saintsfan's picture

Are you the snarky, witty type? Make a game out of outwitting her and shut her down at the first comment. Your 100 times smarter than her. 

Harry's picture

Not an excuse, either she eats, or leaves the table. I would not sit there taking her abuse!!!  Then she eats someplace  else until she learns to be a person.  She may never be able to do this,  but you have to insulate yourself or you will go nuts 

Rags's picture

If she is into making others miserable then make her truly miserable.  She does not speak if she can't speak respectfully.  Give her the zip-it message any she opens her mouth to criticize and if she goes into the harumphing and eye rolling... send her to her room or to the car if you are out for dinner.  Each elemement of her crappy behavior has a scripted consequence. 

ZERO tolerance works and public humiliation for her crappy behavior will modlify it in a hurry.  She is pleasant to others or she lives in a state of constant abject misery.

Make it happen.  Do not let her ruin your relationship.