Unpunished almost adult
My 17 year old stepson is a huge problem, spoiled, ignorant, nasty, and his behavior is setting bad examples for my 5 1/2 year old. So, hes failing all classes, again. 17 years old and in 9th grade. He has no chores hes made to do on a daily basis. His dad will occasionally tell him to put the dishes away, and when he does, he doesnt do them right. (Such as, puts silverwear in wrong spot or backwards, throws pots or pans sideways in cabinet or just leaves them on the counter...etc) and DH does not make him fix it. He talks back n is very nasty to my 5 year old( his brother). During family dinner at my moms on sunday, I told him not to be nasty to my 5yo. He completely went off the handle. Him n his dad (DH) were screaming at each other, they went outside SS was calling me names, calling DH names. (Such as a-hole, and C word, etc..) Threatening to kill himself, trying to provoke DH to hit him. DH isnt always good in these situations either, screaming back at him, calling him a P-ssy etc.... after this went on for about an hour in a half- 2hrs. DH took him to go get a vape or something (not sure if it was nicotine or weed yes he allows him to do it) then wants to act like everything is back to normal. No punishment, still does what he wants and Im still extremely angry about the whole thing n refuse to act like nothing happened, DH tells me that I'M the one who needs to grow up and get over it! I am a stay home mom now, my 5yo is in kindergarten, and i have a 9month old i take care of. SS own mother doesnt even want him n refuses to let him move back in with her (I don't blame her) but i have no money to just leave n get my own place! I need help n i don't know what to do! How do i get out of a verbally abusive household. My 5yo doesnt even like his dad most days unless he's spending money on him bc of the way he treats him. Wants to ground my 5yo for weeks for doing something wrong but wont even ground the 17yo. Help!!!
Not Healthy
This is clearly not a healthy relationship for you (much less your children). You really should get back to work so you have the means to support yourself and your children. Do you have family that you can move in with until you are able to get on your feet?
Your DH is the one that needs
Your DH is the one that needs to grow up He needs to stop being BFFs with his son. Buying him vapes seriously...
You need to get out because your SS didn't fall far from the tree and he and your DH are both bad influences for your child and the baby. You need to start planning an exit strategy and see if there's any way you can get back to work or stay with somebody else. The sooner the better otherwise your son is going to end up just like SS.
Say what!
Madam, you have indicated that this 17 year old is in grade 9. What is going on there? Is he developmentally impaired,or is something else going on? At this point, it must be obvious that traditional school is not working. Is he interested in a trade of any sort, perhaps the military? At 18, he will be considered an adult and your and your DH options will be limited on what you can do with him. When he is 18 without a high school education his employment opportunities will be severely restricted and given his attitude, they will be even worse. If he is as lazy and belligerent as you describe, then he and your DH need to be informed at 18 he is out of the house. His behaviour is ridiculous for an almost adult...IMHO.
17 in grade 9 means - 20 in
17 in grade 9 means - 20 in grade 12 -- questions
Has he ever been tested for a disability? A 17 year old student with an IEP would be in a more appropriate grade/ class placement here.
At what age, in your state are they no longer allowed to attend high school? Is there some type of vocational program he can go to in high school?
DH has months to figure this out. At 18 SS can refuse to have the school contact his father. The military is not an option without at least a GED and the GED is not an easy test. It is doubtful that SS, even if accepted, would get through boot camp.
With his behavior at your mom's, if I were her, I'd not want SS back in my house.
You need to carefully look at your options or you will be living with an unemployed, home all day, volatile SS. You are living with an untenable situation.
You need to document SS's
You need to document SS's behavior towards your children BEFORE you consider leaving. Because, if you leave, your husband would likely have some form of custody and you don't want your children treated poorly by SS while in their father's care. Set up cameras or take notes before you ever consider leaving.
AND, if while you're still there, SS has another outburst like he did at his grandparent's house.........CALL THE POLICE. Have it on RECORD that he's violent and makes serious threats. That way, if you end up leaving, you can stipulate that your husband can only have supervised visits or that SS must not be around your kids.
Do you have family in the
Do you have family in the area who could help you? This is a terrible environment for your little ones. Please put them first and get them out of that situation. They are being damaged whether you see it now or not.
Record his crap on video and file for an RO/PO.
Then daddy dipshit will have to deal with the courts. If daddy dipshit gets agressive with you, do that same thing and file an RO/PO on him as well. Let that toxic shit storm of genetic refuse, both of them, rot under the local interstate overpass vaping away their problems.
If my kid pulled that crap at my parents home, my dad would kick his ass... and mine, hog tie us, and call the police to drag us off. For clarity, I would not tolerate it and for damned sure his mother wouldn't tolerate any of that crap from the SS nor from me.
I was assoulted by your SS (or a POS much like him) and helped out him in prison when I was in ~7th/8th grade. He pulled a knife on me in the foyer of our Jr. High School. I refused to kiss the mascot image on the floor so he attempted to drag me over the mascot. I resisted, that is when he pulled the knife. He was on his 3rd year in 9th grade. I was about 13-14. He was 17/18 ish.
When I got home my parents asked about the spot of blood on my shirt at the base of my chest. I told them what happened. The feces hit the rotary air oscilating device at that point and I ended up at school the next day in the Principal's office with my parents, the Principal, and the Police Department. The next day I was escorted from class and coached to walk past the glass wall outside of the Admin office and look at the individual standing at the counter . I was to nod if it was the knife wielding assailant. It was. I nodded, two LEOs stepped out of an office behind him, slammed him forward on the counter, cuffed him, and pulled the knife out of his jacket. He was dragged off and never seen again. Apparently he went to prison as he was tried as an adult since he had a very long record of juvenile violence. The cameras in the foyer had caught his kife adventures with me so I did not have to testify.
IMHO, the same thing needs to happen with your SS. Whether he is dragged away from school in cuffs, or out of your home in cuffs. Before he hurts someone.
Make it happen!!!! If your DH was actually a man, he would make it happen. His foremost responsibility is to protect his young children and his bride. Instead, he is a gaslighting POS blaming you for the crap of his failed family progeny.
smh