Uncomfortable with SS14
Hi all, this is my first time posting and I don't know where else to turn so here goes....
I met an amazing man, when we first met he had shared custody of his 14 year old son, every other weekend and two weeknights. His son started having problems with BM and now refuses to go back to her. As I have learned, this boy is depressed and developmentally delayed. My suspicion is he has aspergers. He is highly intelligent with no friends in school, very socially awkward and OCD. He often relies on his father and I as his social outlet. He adores me and wants to spend time with me when I am around, sometimes too much. Lately, I have noticed he is getting too physical with me and I feel uncomfortable. He tried to "tickle" me and when I nicely said no, he responded with "what are you going to do, get a restraining order against me?" He always wants to hug me, but twice he kissed my neck when he hugged me. Now, I am not allowing him to hug me anymore and he wants to know if I am "repulsed" by him. When his father isn’t in the room he will call for me to come over to him while he is sitting on the couch and hug him for no reason. I again, gently said no. I explained to his father that I need to implement boundaries with SS, it is unacceptable for him to kiss my neck and I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I am aware his mother was never affectionate with him and mentally SS has the maturity level of a 10 year old but I am also very aware that he is a hormonal 6'1, 14.5 year old boy. Any kind words of advice? Am I over reacting?
You are not out of bounds.
You are not out of bounds. You can't let yourself be manhandles, perhaps sexually, just because this kid has some problems. If at anytime you feel he may lose control either sexually or get angery over your 'rejections' you should take swift action such as leaving the house until Daddy gets home.
You didn't say how the father acted towards your announcement that you've got to set boundaries. I.e. did he deny there is a problem or did he give you the green light to do what you thought should be done? In any event lets have a family conference where Daddy is prepared to explain why physical contact between the two of you is inappropriate.
A 16yo boy kissing his mother on the neck would be cause for alarm set aside a step-mother. Tell Daddy that if this situation is not resolved you're sorry but one of you will have to go. Explain that if you go it can be temporary until the boy is out on his own which hopefully will happen when he graduates high school.
But the boy isn't stupid - he should be able to respond to rules - but they have to be laid out for him.