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Step Daughter dragging feet to get a job

jenmusco's picture

My fiance`'s daughter is 19 years old. She is away at college and lives on her father's child support during the school year which is 400.00 per month. She does not work and really has only had one job for about 6 months. While home on Xmas break she was told by her dad she needed to get a job.

She whined and moaned about it then finally went to the local mall to apply at a few places - though she never followed up on anything. It is now spring break and still no job.

My fiance`says he is pushing her but I don't think he is hard enough. Both of us are extremely hardworking and she has a good example from both her parents (mom is hard working). She is the youngest child and tends to want everything done for her. She does whine and moan a lot and is very lazy.

I have discussed this with my fiance` several times but I feel he is not taking it seriously either. I believe he wants to play the good guy because all through her younger years he was the sole disciplinarian and doesn't want to rock the boat. But this is something that needs to be done. She uses the money she gets for child support as her spending money and it has been discussed it should go for her college education (books, school needs etc) but she uses it to go out to eat, buy clothes, etc. While I understand she is a kid she needs to have responsibility of a job and standing on her own two feet. I fear we are going to end up with her after college.

My fiance` is a wonderful man - he married her mother to be there every day and raise her. The mother is a decade older then he is and had been married twice before with four children (two from the first and two from the second). The mother tends to buck everything that he does when it comes to rearing his daughter. He has been a wonderful example of a man. But his daughter still thinks the world owes her. I am not sure what my place is here because she I feel has zero intention to find a job this summer (oh and we live in an area where there are a bunch of jobs for college kids).

always wrong's picture

Good Luck! I went thru a similar thing with SD. We paid for her apartment, gas, insurance, food, everything while she sat on her behind when she was in school. Said she was looking for jobs but never was. It took DH a very long time to see it. Finally, when he did and cut SD off, she started a fight with us and moved in with her boyfriend. Anyone who would pay her way, she would get to. She still has Grandparents feeling sorry for her and handing her money.

Now, she only works part time and files for every welfare service she can. We are hardworking but her mother never was, so the apple did not fall far. Someday, this little girl will either work hard or have a not so wonderful life.

Liar Killer's picture

:jawdrop: yes the only reson my SS is still making is SDIL is more responsible, and grandparents still give him tons of money,. But it won't last forever. I CAN'T WAIT ! Will need us again or my DH but will never happen.

Freshstart's picture

Yep familiar here as well. Somehow I got a result which i am not boasting about because I do not know why for once it worked. SD17 gets $100 a week since she was 13 with no chores required and no social life other than with daddy when I met DH. Slow and painful journey but now at 17 she sets the table each night, cooks once a week, has a part-time job and does go out about once a week and even went with friends on 3 day holiday recently but only because DH said yes you should go.

Don't know how complex your problem is. Maybe you are luckier than me. DH and SD were complex. Money and mini-wife issues.

I decided to stop doing all the hard work and being the idiot. I wrote down some simple things I wanted that were reasonable. Start with that. Good that you are being honest with yourself. Sounds like you definitely do not want her home with you. I envy you that she is at college but agree it will be a shock if she turns up full time. good luck.

buggylove08's picture

omg!!! how have you been able to get her to do so much? i cant even get my SD16 to do the dishes once a week!!!!

Rosem's picture

I have ZERO sympathy for teens in these situations. I worked my way through college, had to get some student loans, got a real job and paid them off. Too many kids today (including my 17 yo SD) feel that parents should fully support their lazy asses so they can go to college wherever and just hang out with their friends and stuff while they mooch off other people's money. Thankfully my SS has a job, but the 17yo got fired (big surprise) and won't go out looking for another job. She'll be in college a year from now and has all of these big plans to go to these great colleges and party, etc. Luckily my money is in a seperate account. Not a DIME will go towards anything for her if he doesn't get her crap together. Even if the does I still don't know that any of my money will be thrown in. DH can do whatever he wants. Hopefully he doesn't let her take advantage of him.

JayS's picture

Not alone. we're still at the stage of getting 13 yr old SD to wash the dishes. She gets angry and moans about it, and then we end up re-washing them because they are coated in grease and food still because she rushed through them so she could get back to her Ipad. But of course when she wants money, we're the bad guys for saying no. Sd actually had the nerve to tell us on Saturday that she shouldn't have to wash the dishes because it was her "day off". When I asked her "day off from what?" she said "from school. I have school all week you know" That nearly sent me running at her to crack her ass. Make your stand. I've told my wife that at age 18, she has to go. I won't go to work and feed someone who wants a free ride. sadly, I will be anyways in the form of paying tax dollars to the welfare system, but at least she'll be gone by then. Wife was taken aback at my stand, and felt that perhaps I was going overboard, but when your sanity is at stake, or your marriage, draw your line in the sand. You will never be happy when someone is taking advantage of you. It's not fair to either of you. If he wants to coddle her, you can't be a part of that, and he has to come around if he loves you. I hope it works out!

buggylove08's picture

im with you on this one only sad part is i have a SD16 who still whines and cries and throws hissy fits when she has to do dishes once a week!!!! but yet daddy gives her whatever she wants when she wants it ugh!Teenagers suck!!!!

Floyd1978's picture

My SD17 won't get a job because she's too busy!! Harsh life lesson coming her way soon I hope!!

Rags's picture

Re-key the locks and infirm SD they she will exit the home in the AM and not e yet the home until you and DH return at the end of the work day.

She can work or not. Her choice.  But she will not be a pro sofa rodeo rider in your home.