Where drugs are involved nothing you do for them helps. I think people do everything single thing within their power to help get their kids of drugs, but eventually they do what her mother has done, they let them go. No one lets go because they don't love their child, or because they get tired of it, they do get tired of it, but that's not the reason they let go. They let go because eventually they realise that tough love s the only thing they haven't tried. Your fiancé is not ready to let go. He needs to be ready to do that in his own time. If you force it and this girl overdoses, he will never be able to let go of the guilt, and he will blame you. There are no answers for this, no magic potion. Everyone has to do what their own heart and conscience tells them to do. You did what you needed to do. You did the right thing for and by your daughters, you are a wonderful mother, you are what a mother should be. Right now your fiancé is trying to do the best thing he can do for his daughter, he is trying to be a good dad. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, he will realise he cannot get her off the drugs, only she can do that. Hopefully he will realise letting go, letting her fall and hit rock bottom may be the best thing for her. Sadly, that is a game of Russian roulette. She falls flat on her face and realises she needs to get off the drugs, or she hits rock bottom and overdoses. Your fiancé is not ready to take that chance. You and he both just have to do what each of you have to do. For what it's worth, I think you've done the right thing here. I hope things will work out for you and your fiancé. If not, at least you know you've done the right thing, the best thing for you and your children. It must have been terribly difficult for you. You are to be congratulated.

My SS31 has been addicted to drugs for over 18 yrs. My husband finally found a book that helped him. It's called "It's not about you, except when it is. A field manual for parents of addicted children." My husband thought he was reading his lifestory in it's pages. Get a copy for you and your fiance. I believe letting go and having her suffer all the consequences for her actions is the best thing. She has to do it on her own in order to get to a place where she wants to make a change. My SS is getting out of jail/rehab in a month, so I'm hoping my husband will read the book again to get prepared. Good luck.

I really don't have much more to add, but my SS31, too, has been an unrehabilitative drug user since he was in his young teens. Dh did everything...sent him to a teen boot camp for 2 years, made him join the army at age 18 which only lasted a year as he was discharged for doing drugs. Long story short...he was diagnosed with mental illness at age 23 thanks to dh's perseverence and doctors who realized he was beyond hope. He has lived on government disability now since that time and really has no life. He lives to get drunk/high and when I met dh 5 years ago, he told me the next thing he would do for his oldest child would be to bury him. We know that day will come and are prepared. Dh's DS30 and DS21 both have suffered years of drug use, but SS30 is an Iraq veteran who suffered PTSD, so finally finished rehab with the VA and is on his way to possibly living a productive life. SS21 finished rehab a month ago and is now living in a halfway house unable to find a job with just a high school diploma.

I agree with the OPs...you are to be totally commended for protecting your daughters and being a good mom. Your fiance, though...like my dh has to feel like he's done all he can for his child...hopefully sooner rather than later and your relationship can continue. Only time will tell. SS21's drug use almost caused dh's and my marriage to fail this year. Addictions DO destroy relationships...I can tell you that with firsthand experience. I've even told dh if he allowed his son to live with us again, I would most likely move out. 3 years of the "drug merry-go-round" is enough.

I, too, may look into the book mentioned by another poster. My dh doesn't feel I'm sympathetic or compassionate enough to his youngest, but I'm not his mother either. I can see "what is" much clearer than dh who has that parental unconditional love for his son that I don't.

Ok, well firstly let me say this. I do feel for. you, and I do understand how much this must hurt you. But your fiancé is actually the one destroying your relationship, not his daughter.

You were absolutely right, when that girl stole the car and went joy riding in it, she put not only herself at risk, but others too. Her fathers failure to report her was tantamount to giving her permission. He has not brought his daughter up to be a responsible, independent, productive member of society. His actions in covering up her crime prove he never will. You don't want this around your kids and your fiancé seems incapable of handling it in a responsible manner. He seems afraid to do the right thing here, either afraid of tipping her over the edge, or afraid she won't talk to him anymore, but whatever his fears are, they are reverting him from being the strong, decisive father and role model this girl needs.

Go to Mexico with your girls. It may well be the end of your relationship, but far better to lose this relationship than live the life your fiancé is offering.

The person I actually think is going to lose the most here is his daughter. He can't help her, he doesn't have the strength it takes. You fortunately for your daughters are not only a strong woman, but an unselfish, wise woman. You will be fine once you finally make your decision.