Interacting with teen stepdaughter
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My stepdaughter is a high school freshman and when she is with my wife and I she spends the majority of the time in her room on her phone, watching tv or will ask if she can be with her friends. Now I respect the fact she wants time to herself and wants to see the friends she has but I still want to have a decent relationship with her. The last time her and her brother were with us, my wife was taking her dress shopping and asked her about me, telling her that I'm trying to form a relationship with her, to which she (the stepdaughter) replied that she knows I am. How do I go about balancing being respectful of her growing independance and need for space with forming a relationship with her?
I would perhaps start with
I would perhaps start with doing things like having family dinners... etc... do you do things as a family.. I mean.. I would get that she may not be interested in you doing dress shopping. but do you ever do stuff as a family per se.. road trips.. campimg or any other kind of activity that would put you all together?
Spending time
My wife and I do try to get my step daughter and her brother to do things with us but she is so quick to say no and when asked her reply is somehting along the lines of "I don't want to" and she goes right back to focusing on her phone.
In my parent's home.. these
In my parent's home.. these things weren't optional. Dinner is at 6.. "i don't want to".. wasn't a question honey.. see you at 6 at the table.. no phones during dinner. (mom delivers this message).
We are going to X park to go hiking and have a picnic saturday.. "I don't want to". well.. we are all going, including you.. wasn't a question. (again said by her mom).
In the end... if she is generally polite and well enough behaved in your home.. not causing active conflicts.. it may not be in the cards for you to have a close parental relationship with her.. it's ok if that's what happens... but she should be taught to be pleasant and ciivil in your home.. by mom
Some questions
How old is she?
How long have you been in her life?
How do you visualise your ideal relationship with her?
Relationship
She's 15, I've been in her life for about four and half years.as for the ideal relationship with her: I would love for it to be where she is comfortable around me and knows I'm someone that she can talk to.
Is there anything you might
Is there anything you might have a common interest in that you could talk to her about? Sports, Video Games, movies, tv shows, music groups? Teenagers are hard to bond with to begin with, but being a stepkid can make it even harder. If it’s any consolation I was in my SD’s life from the time she was 5 and she lived with us full time once she turned 10 and I was never able to bond with her no matter how hard I tried. She just wanted nothing to do with me because I wasn’t her mom or dad.
The one thing her and I
The one thing her and I really have in common is that we both have an introverted personality. Along the same lines I'm not really the best at starting conversations with people and when it comes to music, tv and movies I'm certain that her and I won't have much in common in that reguard.
Maybe you should stop trying to form
A one person relationship. SD doesn't want a relationship with you. She has a bio father, she may feel one father is enough.
'Yes, you can force her to have dinner with you as a family at 6 pm every night . Will that do anything ? I feel the family should eat together. It's becoming as the kids get older the only family time together.
'If you want to bribe her There's always vacation to amusement parks, ect