I really, really, really, really dislike my 15 year old stepdaughter
And it's making me crazy.
She goes to an 'on-line' school for 2 classes a semester and a regular high school for the other two. The first semester she passed her online phys ed course (yes, you read that correctly - online physical education class where they email in what activities they completed that day) and 1 of her regular school courses - creative writing.
Nothing else. Her and her BM laugh at the school marks. She has a boyfriend whom she refers to as a 'she' as in my girlfriend. This boy says he is in the wrong gender body and he identifies as a girl.
She is a cutter. She is under psychiatric care and on an antipsychotic medication called Seroquel. She is obnoxious. She is embarassing to be seen with as the dark eyeliner, dyed red hair, ripped nylons on chubby little legs and tight, tight shirts just scream loser.
I don't post often and I'm sorry this one is such a bitter diatribe but I literally cannot say these things out loud. I am ashamed to even think them.
Tonight my BF took my car out to complete an errand. It is a very fancy sportscar. He called me to say he had heard from his daughter and she wanted him to take her for a coffee. This doesn't happen often and he was very pleased.
I was livid as I don't want her in my car.
How petty is that.
I made him come drop my car off and pick her up in his own car.
I feel like an ass. I was an ass.
But I just dislike this kid so much.
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
I don't know how I'll ever get over it.
I know you love this guy, but
I know you love this guy, but for your own sanity, please take a good look around this board, because things will likely not improve after you get married.
Some people (even young ones)
Some people (even young ones) are just disgusting and unlikeable. You need not feel guilty for not liking someone who is awful.
What you need to do is just pretend like she does not exist. Don't talk to her or about her. Let your Bf see her totally external to you.
Thank you both for the
Thank you both for the permission to not like this kid and not feel guilty. I don't know if it will be possible to do this but I will sure try. I feel doubly guilty as my DS, who is 30, was just here for the weekend helping us renovate a storefront. He painted, lifted, carried and kept a great sense of humour throughout the very long and tiring days.
My BF's child was nowhere to be found and although I am grateful as I would have been annoyed by her I am also of the opinion that 'of course' she wasn't around. There was work to be done!
I do love him. Very much. We have been with each other for a decade and he is a joy and a treasure in my life. He is very good to my son and they get along like a couple of real pals.
It's only the SD who is the fly in the ointment. I look around me and I see families where teenagers are playing sports, attending school, learning about life and beginning to piece together the steps they will take towards a future dream. I play a lot of squash and the teens who are there are polite and fun, they are generally great kids.
Then I look at my SD with her goth outfits, her surly attitude and her 'hate the police/teachers/authority' mentality and I just shake my head.
It's ingrained. It's permanent. It's HER.
How will it affect my BF if I continue this way? Am I ruining his life? Will be eventually hate me? See me as the barrier between him and his daughter? Will be eventually turn on my son because the pain of his own child will force him to - out of guilt?
I encourage him to see her when she allows it. I genuinely do. I don't ask about their conversations anymore. I have removed myself from it in that sense. But I also feel an incessant curiosity - what new horror is happening?
It seems she may now be inching towards accusing a male family member of impropriety. Nothing concrete has been said but she has posted 'how did you let him do that to me? How can you still look up to him? What kind of father are you?"
There has been no abuse. There has barely been any contact as she 'hates' BF's family.
I feel trapped by this girl. I can barely contain my dislike anymore.
I think of myself as such a nice person, so kind and so calm. Maybe I'm not that person after all. Maybe I'm actually the evil stepmother we always hear about. I certainly feel like her.
Thank you for the replies
Thank you for the replies guys. I really appreciate it tonight. Just a little bit of support in a really cold environment goes a long, long way.
If you disguise her so much,
If you disguise her so much, it will eventually take impact on your rs unless you manage to be just with him but never in he presence of both.I am not judging you- I can read between the lines that you are giving yourself a hard time feeling how you feel.I have a similar struggle here at times.And I was shocked to learn about myself , who loves kids and being a good mum, can't love SD either, at times when she is acting like Dadas little princess even dislike her. But it is how it is.Try to stay civilized and nice towards her if you can and set your own ground rules.It is hard and I feel for you!
Uumm... Honestly? She MAY be
Uumm... Honestly? She MAY be queer. Her girlfriend is. (and yes, that is what she is.) If you cannot accept that part of her, then you need to seriously think about what it will mean to her Dad if you cannot accept the person is daughter is. Being queer doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her.
yes, I have some experience with this. My oldest, who was born male, identifies as female. Not what I expected, but she is one of the most wonderful people I know. I'm not the only one who thinks so, btw. Those who shun her for it? Can get out of my life. And yes, I have severely limited my interaction with family who won't accept my "other" daughter for who she is. I don't often talk about this, as it gets complicated, but... If your BF loves and cares about his child, he will get her into counseling for the cutting, but otherwise accept her for the person she is. And if you can't do so, for his sake? Then you need to walk away.
If all it is is the clothes? Big flippin' whoop.
Oh, btw... I always pictured "my son, the athlete". Yeah, well... She is my artistic one. My (biological) daughter is my athlete. She's been teased for being "too much" like a guy. Whose problem is that? Not ours.
I have the same attitude
I have the same attitude toward SS15. Lazy, worthless, bad attitude, mama's boy, no boundaries, destructive, I could go on forever. I had to make a conscious choice to have a happy marriage despite his crazy ass. I'll let you know how that works out.
I'm not familiar with the
I'm not familiar with the queer community but have no issue with gay folks. My issue with my SD is all the other stuff - the incredible volume of bad choices, bad experiences, just bad everything.
The boyfriend is big liar in addition to everything else. He claims to have been on a national championship sports team (very famous) but there is no record of him anywhere. He also claims to have been part of another high level sports team but again, no record of it anywhere. No pictures, no newspaper stories, no mention of him on any alumni websites.
To look at this kid is to think bizarre problem child. Both of them actually. I cannot speak to his character as he says virtually nothing. She of course talks non-stop, most of it vitriol directed teachers, neighbors, friends, etc.
Seems everybody is an a@@hole except her. Tomorrow is Easter and my guy has heard nothing back from her about attending his family dinner. She doesn't bother responding. No interest in his family, or actually, him.
Very sad.