Holiday drama begins
Just need to vent, because I can feel myself turning negative and that won't help anything. DH and I have nowhere to be on Thanksgiving, his family isn't doing anything and my family has theirs on Friday. We want to start our own tradition with our 3 kids, so we invited them and their significant others for a pasta dinner around 6pm on Thursday. This gives them time to go to other gatherings, and doesn't make them have turkey twice in one day. Things with SD16 have seemed ok lately, they have been communicating and we have seen her a couple times. He had said when he first invited her, she seemed receptive, but then late Saturday night she texted and said "I had sworn I wasn't going to spend another Thanksgiving with you"
The backstory on on that is that a couple years ago, she feels as though we "abandoned" her on Thanksgiving. That year was my grandpa's first year in a nursing home, and my aunt and uncle had organized for us to have a family dinner there with him. He has alzheimer's, so it was only scheduled for an hour. DH communicated this to both his kids, and said they were invited - we were going to be gone about an hour and then planned to play games and have snacks with our kids when we got home. They both declined to go, which was totally fine - SS had a dinner at his gf's to go to, and SD wanted to stay home and take a nap. We left her wrapped up in blankets on the couch. We got home about an hour and a half later (DH hadn't thought about drive time when he said we'd be gone "about an hour) to find that SD had disappeared. After calling around, he discovered she called BM, upset because we all left her. BM had come to get her about 10 minutes before we got home. That turned into how awful we are, and who abandons their kid on Thanksgiving. SD knew ahead that we were going, she could have stayed with her BM or come with us, it was her decision to stay home alone.
I thought we were past that, and hoped with her growing up maybe her perspective was changing. Evidently not, or maybe she is bringing it up to try to keep DH feeling guilty so she can continue to manipulate. DH is not sure if she is coming, and he says he is not going to worry about it - she knows what we are doing so she can come or not. I know he is hurt. It's hard for me to keep a positive, welcoming frame of mind when I feel like she is acting like a twerp. I would also like to know whether or not she is coming, it helps me when I know what to expect, plus she is vegan so I wanted to make sure we had things she can eat. Ugh, I don't know why it has to be so difficult.