Facilitating teen sex
Ok so the last time I posted was over a year ago, and I was coming to grips with having no active role in parenting my boyfriend's 17 yo son.
I've come to accept that no chores are expected of him and rules that are set by bf slowly get bent and then forgotten.
My latest issue is the teen has become sexually active. He has a gf, my bf and her parents have been in contact and supposedly everyone is ok with this and birth control is being used. I understand teens have sex, whatever, that's not my issue. However, this girl's parents have been needing to leave really early in the morning. So it's been ok-ed by her parents and my bf, that she can stay the night with us. (I was not consulted whatsoever) This has happened 3 times now. Last night they slept in his room together. Not that him staying on the couch 50ft away before would've prevented anything.
My issue is this, I know teens will find a way to have sex, but I don't feel it should be facilitated like this. I haven't brought this up with the bf yet...I have a hard time bringing up issues when my opinion is not sought, welcomed or agreed with. Lame but true. I am working on this though.
I also want to tell my bf that if our relationship dissolves, it's going to be over parenting disagreements. I don't want to make him feel like I'm threatening him or giving an ultimatum, but there's only so much someone can look the other way at. We don't fight, he knows I've come to 'accept' this one sided parenting, but everyone has a limit. And once that limit is hit, I'm mostly non-negotiable.
Thoughts and input are definitely welcome.
Ironically he is a grandpa,
Ironically he is a grandpa, his daughter got pregnant at 17, while on birth control. Go figure, and here we are.
Yes definitely a poor
Yes definitely a poor occasion to use that word lol....I should have said 'as a matter of fact...he's been an irresponsible parent for years now' ugh
I think that's just for the
I think that's just for the son. And this kid is the last teenager that needs to procreate...Not that any do, but him especially.
Exactly. If that happens
Exactly. If that happens though, I won't be sticking around to find out how the payments work out.
Regardless of the sex, most
Regardless of the sex, most couples consult eachother and need to agree before any guest is allowed to stay in the home for an extended period of time. Perhaps you should invite an obnoxious guest to stay on your sofa for a while and see how bf feels about that. It sounds like your relationship has issues that go beyond step parenting IMHO.
I appreciate your thoughts,
I appreciate your thoughts, esp about consulting each other. I'm so naive to all this parenting stuff. I'm starting to learn that all these things aren't just in my mind, that they are legit issues. It's one of those things that you kick yourself for once you realize what you've been putting up with and excusing.
I love your sarcastic comment
I love your sarcastic comment about 'setting the mood' lol I had same thoughts of sprinkling rose petals on the bed. I know its not a laughing matter but I do what I can to get through.
Outside of that, thank you for sharing your thoughts n opinions
Omg no! It is surely your
Omg no! It is surely your house too. I would not be ok with this and it will be my hill to die on should dh ever allow ss to do this. Not a hope in hell would husband make this decision without me and expect me to just live with it. Totally irresponsible parenting by all parents. I hope your dh is looking forward to having a grand baby to look after and support and he will only have himself to blame!!
Nope. Not in my house. No
Nope. Not in my house. No way.
I know this is a dumb
I know this is a dumb question, but this is a big deal right? By 'this' I mean the lack of willing to involve me in any aspect of the parenting, and not asking my input on having guests stay in the house. Like I replied earlier, I know I am naive here. I'm an expert and rockstar in every other aspect of my life. It disgusts me that I'm a pushover in my relationship. If you knew me, you wouldn't expect me to ever put up with this sh*t. I'm 34, independent, and not afraid to be alone. So it's not like I'm needy, and am afraid to upset my bf. I just have no relationship backbone, intuition, and I despise myself for it.
Oooh I like that, like a
Oooh I like that, like a business transaction. I do pay for things, and help run and support the house. So I'm not a free-loader, just a jellyfish
I guess I struggle with the
I guess I struggle with the gray area of leaving the parenting to him, and not speaking up about stuff to... well what issues am I allowed to have a problem with? Did this make sense? Has anyone else experienced this? I cannot find the words to express how this is making me feel and just to describe it, I just know something's wrong. Know what I mean?
Here's how this works. For 2
Here's how this works. For 2 years I cried an ocean over my SS mental and educational needs. I was the devil incarnate. Now I am disengaged. I don't do woe is me, my snowflake is a mess because I'm an ass. Now my H is deeply depressed and worried about his sons education and mental problems. His isolation and lonely ness. We may not be right. We may not have opinions that don't make snowflakes out to be special little glitter stars. We get to shut it and wait for the train wreck.
Most important of all, do not say "I tried to warn you" or "I saw that, tri d to help you but you ignored me". We have no rights. Simple.
So, he didn't learn from SD
So, he didn't learn from SD getting pregnant?!
No, you are not overreacting. No, that's not acceptable for most parents and for all responsible parents. He!! yes, you should have been consulted.
Yes, teens will have sex. No, you should not facilitate it and no, you shouldn't tolerate at your home.