Cant stand my stepson
I'm so glad I can across this site as I thought I was just being horrible, the thing is I can't stand my 14 year old stepson. I've been with his dad for 5 years now and we don't live together, because of his son. When I first got with his dad he was such a lovely boy, my partner also has 2 other children who's are well behaved and respectful. The son on the other hand is just a nasty piece of work. He has moved in with his dad, no discussion, treats his mum like shit, breaks things, swears and is disrespectful. He's currently not in school and has 2 hours tuition a day on the computer as he just used to walk out of school and talk to the teachers like shit so has been expelled. He sleeps all day, and just lazes round the house. He talks to his dad like crap and just does what he wants. I've tried talking to his dad as I think he's far to soft on him, but he gets all defensive and we end up arguing. I'm at a point now where I want to end the relationship as we basically haven't got one anymore. I have 3 children myself, my older 2 don't live at home and my daughter who's 12 spends every other weekend with her dad. His son is also supposed to be with his mum that same weekend so we could spend some quality time together without children around but he no longer goes as point blank refuses and that's it. So we now can't really do anything as there's a kid always hanging round. I'm really at my last point now and I'm so upset as I love my partner so much, saw a future where we got married and moved in but I now can't see it and if he did ask I would say no as I don't want to have anything to do with his kid. Someone please tell me if I'm being stupid as I don't know what to do or think anymore
There’s fantasy and reality
The fantasy is someone has the right words/actions to turn this monster into a sweet kid, you BF becomes a great parent, and you ride off together into the sunset of eternal bliss.
The reality is what you’ve got. You can learn even more of the real future if you visit the Adult stepchildren section of this site.
If you want happiness, you may need to look elsewhere for a more healthy family, and a more healthy relationship for you.
That correct,
what you see is what you have. That is no relationship with your SO. No body wants there relationship control by a 14 yo kid. Either your SO does something with thi kid or you really have no future with this man. This kid will never go away. Will never keep a job, will be living with your SO for ever
Unless your SO is willing to
Unless your SO is willing to send him to some kind of boarding school that takes on kids like him- Defiant, disrespectful, rule breakers- there really isn't any hope. I am so sorry to say that.
Are you guys actually married?
Until SO wakes up and
Until SO wakes up and realizes that having a 14 year old home sleeping all day is not a good idea, a relationship with him is impossible. There are not many jobs for lazy, swearing, rude, destructive adults so SO and BM have set and are setting him up for failure as an adult.
For your own sanity it may be time to leave this mess. If the child being expelled from school was not SO’s wake up call as a parent, I’m not sure what will be.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the comments,we are not married, he has talked about it but I'm at that stage where I don't actually what to anymore. I actually feel ill over the decision, deep down I know I need to call it a day but my heart hurts
Have you tried therapy w SO?
Have you tried therapy w SO? I had issues w my SD and eventually she went for therapy. It turns out whatever animosity she has or she feel I have against her is due to her past experiences with her BM. She told me things she didnt like about me and i told her what i didnt like about her. Things have improved a lot since. Just a thought. Although he is 14, he is still a young child going through a lot of emotions he may not be able to express. She even went through a session w dad and it helped us to see things from her perspective and for her to see ours.