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BF and lack of discipline of SD is Driving me Crazy!

JustAboutFedUp's picture

I'll make this quick, as I'm half way in bed and the sandman is calling out my name.

My BF and I have been living together with my two children (14B and 9G) for the last four years. BF has a 15 y/o daughter who lived out of state and would visit during summer vacations and Christmas vacation.

Recently, the SD moved in with us because her father believed he would be able to "fix" her if she were living with him.

Since she has been here, she has lied on several occasions, cut classes in school, had in school suspensions for talking in class and having an attitude. She also is failing the majority of her classes. She doesn't see a problem with any of this and just turns into a smart ass when she is asked about it. Her attitude is terrible. She "hates people" and "people who get good grades are nerds."

I've also learned the SD has been smoking cigarettes and have heard from several people she has also smoked marijuana. I told my BF about this and he later searched her backpack and found a lighter in it. When he asked her about it, she said it wasn't hers. Yeah right. Of course she lied when he asked her about smoking and buying cigarettes.

I feel as though the SD gets away with all this bad behavior. He doesn't really punish her appropriately and I feel like she walks all over him. My children would be in a world of hurt if these things were going on with them. The would have no computer, no video games, no going anywhere with friends, etc.

I have so much hostility and resentment toward my BF over all this and it makes me resent the SD as well.

Does anyone have any suggestions they can offer? I'm seriously ready to tell them to get the hell out of my house. Did I mention I'm the only one working and paying the bills. I also do the majority of cleaning, errands, etc. There is definitely something wrong with this picture.

Jsmom's picture

Yes there is something wrong here. You need to be with someone else. He is never going to stand up to her. It will just get worse and then you have her fully integrated into your life and will have to continually deal with her.

If you are the one paying the bills, you will continually resent him for it.

stepdadof2's picture

I've gone through this with my wife and SDs. Finally my frustration at her lack of willingness to discipline led me to sit down with her and explain that if she wasn't going to do it, I was.

She understood where I was coming from and agreed to support my disciplinary actions. She's mostly followed through on that promise, although she will try to act as a mediator if she thinks I've gone too far.

The bottom line to me is it's your house and if he's not going to enforce the rules, you need to. If he won't support you, then he needs to go.