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When you dis-like your step kid

sarabbb's picture

I just found this site today because I am more then frustrated with my situation with my stepson. I have been with his dad for almost 4 years so have known the child since he was 4. To compund the issue the bio mom chose to move 8 hours away from the child when he was 2 1/2 leaving the father as the primary caregiver. So, ALOT of the parenting and "crap" work falls onto me. The child behaves fine with me and even my parents but the second his dad shows up he turns into a needy, manipulative child......this "twin" child that appears when the dad is around drives me absolutley nuts and has created a wedge between me and him. It is so frustrating to see this behaviour over and over and over. Its gotten to the point I literally cannot stand to be around the 2 of them. Its been 4 years of constant frustration......I'm the go to person when the child needs a caregiver and the dad cant but the second the dad is around I have no say in anything....I know this issue is multi faceted but I am so grateful to have a place to vent and feel ok!!!!! Thank you PS I am not the only one that sees it...everyone around them does too....

ybarra357's picture

"So, ALOT of the parenting and "crap" work falls onto me." So why is Dad foisting his parenting reponsibility onto you? And more importantly, if you dislike this kid, why do you accept that?

Peridwen's picture

Dad is the problem. The child is not the problem. Repeat this to yourself when you are tempted to blame the kiddo. The child behaves when it is you alone and the instant Daddykins shows up the kid is off and wild BECAUSE DAD allows it. You said you have no say in anything when Dad is around, so maybe it's time to tell Daddykins that the same applies when he is not around. And if you have no say, you do no parenting. No free childcare. Kid goes to before school and after school care when Daddy isn't home.

And if Daddykins has an issue with that, he'd better damn well start backing you up and giving you say when he is home.

Miss T's picture

No doubt this man is hotter than hot and the love of your life, and he feels the same about you. In practical terms, though, he was looking for, and found in you, a cheap nanny, housekeeper, and warm bed. You don't mention whether you work, and thus are a supplement to his paycheck as well. All in all you enable him to live better than he could possibly hope to without you. He's got a great thing going and you get the shaft for the next 14 years or whenever little darling bugs out of your lives, which may well be never.

I swear I'm going on a campaign to encourage the naive and innocent to stay the hell away from people with kids. I amen, really? You're going to put up with this for the next decade plus? DTMFA.

kayenoe86's picture

I have a similar problem my step-son is an angel when its just me and him in the evenings or mornings when his dad is at work. As soon as his father is in the same room with both of us its like he shows off or is rude to me to be funny. Like craving attention. The attention part I do not get though because my husband is always spending as much time with him as he wants going outside kicking the soccer ball around, plays video games with him etc. He is beyond rude to me in front of company or when we visit family to the point they notice and ask me what is wrong with him. His mother is not around much She gets him maybe 24- 48 hrs 1 time a week and always makes sure he is home on the weekends so she can do her own thing. Maybe seeking attention because of her lack of being around?

I am new to this so be nice