Stepchild views me as an equal....frustrating
Hey all. I'm a lurker and have only posted a few other times in the last year, but I am in a situation that is beyond frustrating to me. I have a 3 YO SD that for some reason views me as her equal (i.e., another child). She throws fits when my SO and I hang out in ANY sort of way, tattles on me ALL the time to her daddy, etc.....I have done my duty as a SP and have displayed my "dominant" role with disipline, nuturing, etc, so I am very confused as to why she views me this way. My SO and I have tried to correct this viewpoint by making it known that when she is at our home, I am also "the parent" (although I do make it a point to let her know I am not in any way taking her bio-moms place). I have never run in to another SP with this issue, and I can't find any info about it on the 'net. Some one please help me.....I don't know what else I can do.
It sounds like you might be
It sounds like you might be feeling a little insecure about this tiny tyrant - try not to be bothered when she "tattles" to your SO - he needs to deal with that and let her know he will be taking no notice at all of her tale telling.
Similarly, do not reward her throwing a fit in any way, eg by extra attention - make sure she only gets to lose by displaying this kind of behaviour. A time out - possibly sitting on the "naughty step" would be an appropriate response for this age of child. Don't be intimidated by potential come back from her BM.
I hope your SO is on the same page as you with this and is not making matters worse by letting a 3 year old lay down the law.
If you let her get the upper hand at age 3 it will be a constant headache when she gets older.
Ours tried it at age 10, when
Ours tried it at age 10, when we met. DH is still a little passive regarding chastising or instilling disciplines into the kids but he's not as remiss as I first thought.
Other people really CANNOT set your boundaries for you, they can help you maintain them though. DH could just be going 'yeah, yeah, very good' for the time being, she is still only three and his baby girl. Kids do have 'phases' with behaviors.
I believe that buying little girls baby dolls is part way towards teaching them how to nurture and giving them authority in a 'pretend' way. This kid needs to be given a reality check! When she starts kindergarten she's going to think she's the boss of the WRONG people and you are going to get letters home...ohhh dear!
How about easing her away from her ideations? The best thing I ever did was to take the advice of a good counsellor and isolate, and switch off, the buttons that SD pushed with me. SD was 13 and WAY more manipulative than a three year old. Start now with not reacting the way she expects you to...DH will respect you deep down and he might still do the passive thing with his 'baby girl' but he'll be aware of the changes.
I am pretty much through with raising kids, they survived to become 18! I am not done dealing with them as young adults though.
Are there children's books that reinforce adult roles with kids? TV shows? From what I have seen of TV it's filled with precocious brats! Fairy tales are not that hot iether...LOL I actually asked our girl one day, we were in good spirits and talking about a bunch of stuff, 'do you want a bite of my rosey red apple dear?' Step moms really do get a bad rap. Step ornot you are the authority figure in your house. This kid needs to be around other kids her age, she may well be feeling isolated?