relentless situation
Hey, this is my first time posting, and I gotta say I'm so relieved to have found this site! On with my situation though, my bf and I have been together for 4 years and he has a 6 year old daughter born from a one night stand. That type of thing is not his character so frpm day one I've had certain issues. But I chose to get along with kid. the situation worsened after him and I had been together about two years. The mother told me a bunch of things that upset me and that made me question how the one night stand had actually happened or if I'd been deceived.this done numbers on my well being and my attitude. Then the mother stopped allowing father too see child for three years this went on. He contd paying cs and health insurance all the while never seeing her and constantly bein stressed about tge mother last christmas the mother who has been married for 3 years said we needed to see the girl and tha it was our fault we hadn't. We were to meet her in our town sh lives in Missouri.but she called us and said she went to far and had to drop her off at our house. I was pissed! The lil girl was now 6 and scared of my dogs who are like my kids, scared to eat go to bathroom etc. She sat at table with food for an hour refusing the meal and birthday cake I'd made her. No thank you not nothin. Never took a bite. Than she peed in the kitchen chair and the floor. She seemed like a year old. A freiend brought her daughter over who's 2 years YOUNGER than her, and the mentality differance was beyond belief! I'm lost don't know what to think or do. In our opinion the damage has been done. She no longer knows us and can't function normally. Any experiences like this? Or any advice? I'm also 3 months along and were trying to start a family of our own. I'm worrried about the stress.
First thing I would ask you
First thing I would ask you is if your BF ever got DNA test for this child from a one-night stand. That answer will tell you if it was really a one-night stand. (if it was, he would have gotten the test)
Second, is there a custody/visitation order? If not, BF should have gotten one to protect his visitation rights. He, not you, needs to get a custody order in place WITH a set schedule for vistation and clearly defined pick-up/drop-off locations/times.
Do not blame the child for peeing herself. She was forced to visit people she doesn't remember. And if she is not used to having dogs around, she was probably very scared. It doesn't matter what type of dog. She obviously was very upset - And she regressed into baby behavior. It will take time for her to "warm up" to the both of you. She needs to feel accepted by both of you.
I agree with islandofdreams
I agree with islandofdreams this child seems just as stressed as you are, its not her fault its her mothers fault. You really need to become her friend, give her some time and just be positive with her. She doesnt know you or her father and this is her mother is to blame, she is only 6 and terrified.
You need to get an order in place to maintain some stabilty for this little girl. And yeah definately get a DNA test. Remember you are the adult and you need to find a way to focus stress on something else for you and your baby's sake. Some damage has been done but with some patience it can be repaired. I really do wish you the best of luck.
Oh and pay no attention to the mother, even if she says things that may be true, who cares its in the past and she will get the better of you if you let her.