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Problems with the youngest SD's attitude and grades

Niki1981's picture

My youngest stepdaughter just turned 13 but acts more like she's 30. Her attitude is getting to be out of control and she went from being in an honors program last year to failing a couple of classes this year. My SO and the ex share custody (she has the kids during the week and we have them on weekends as we live 200 miles apart). The ex does not discipline her at all and just threatens to call my SO when she acts up. Since she's failing classes, I think she should have her phone taken away and maybe even pull her out of cheerleading, but I'm made to look like the bad person if I mention this. She's only in 7th grade, but I'm very worried that this will continue and she won't graduate or will end up dropping out because she just doesn't care about school. Does anyone have any suggestions on what the best course of action would be. 

Left out mama's picture

It really up to BM and DH to discipline, but I hear your frustrations. I have the same with my SD. I worry about her current actions being precursers for worse to come.

I think your suggestion of pulling her from cheerleading is a good one, and school may have policies on acadmic performance and extra curricular activies... contact her school to find out if she must maintain a certin GPA in order to stay on the team.

I would disagree with you when you say she is 13 but acts 30..... at 30 you have figured out (hopefully) how to hold down a job, pay your bills and start acting like a reasonably mature person. She sounds like 13 year old acting like a bratty teenager. Sucks big time but so does puberty.

Her behavior sounds like a 180 from where she was a year ago (in advance programs to failing). She may be dealing with some depression and acting out. Has anything major in her life changed.... new school, mom have a new BF?

Unfortunatly it may be just the joys of teenage hormones.

Good luck

tog redux's picture

Let DH and BM decide how to parent her - honestly, the weekend NCP isn't going to have a lot of effect on the daily school pattern from 200 miles away.

Rags's picture

The only thing that stands out to me is that you and DH have SD every weekend. Hopefully I am reading that wrong.

Time for EOWE.   You and DH needs a Skid free life and need to set aside time for that.

Our custody order established my DW as the CP with full physical and legal custody.  BioDad has 7wks of long distance visitation per year any time we lived 200 or more miles from him.  We never lived nearer than 1200 miles.  If at any time we would have lived within 200mile visitation would have converted to EOWE visitation for BioDad.

We needed our Skid breaks when he was away for visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).

DH needs to refuse visitation other than EOWE. IMHO of course.