My spouse is a LAZY PARENT to my SD12
I am getting really sick of this. I have done it to myself....I know.....but I am so sick of my spouse being a lazy parent and never enforcing rules for my SD12 that I had to do something. That something amounted to setting rules, boundaries, consequences for not picking up her stuff, not cleaning her room that smells to high Heaven, not bathing and stinking, etc etc. I honestly care about my SD12 and feel like mostly she has been taught NOTHING in life from my lazy spouse who I have come to disrespect I dare say. Our fights are always about SD12. My spouse refuses counseling.
I know disengaging is in order. I tired once and fell off the wagon. I feel like a single parent with my SD12.
If it helps any, I have come to pick my battles. If she gets poor grades, not my kid, not my problem; if she stays out all night as a teenager, not my kid, not my problem. She is pretty respectful and sweet by nature so I am very lucky but like my spouse, she is VERY LAZY and comes with some bad habits. I like my house to smell good. That includes her room. And she must be clean as well. I am not going to live with a dirty hippy. So I help my SD clean her room ( give her suggestions and direction) and stay on her. It's a full time job and it really stresses me out BUT I JUST CAN"T HAVE A STINKY HOUSE.
Any suggestions?
Thanks!
Close the door to her room
Close the door to her room and never go in there.
Get a cleaning service and
Get a cleaning service and make DH pay for it.
That way, you can throw away any crap that she leaves out and blame the cleaning service... that'll teach her to put stuff away.
Suggestions... gut her room.
Suggestions... gut her room. Take the door and replace it with a plastic shower curtain, go with lynoleum floors and latex paint, molded plastic furniture, a plastic mattress, and when anything is out of place.... throw it away. Make it easy on yourself to hose it all down when neccessary. Better yet, bring in a cleaning service periodically to scrub and disinfect the room and hand the SD the bill. When she whines, tell DH she gets a job and pays it off each and every time it has to be done. Lather, rinse, repeat.
She keeps her crap in order, she gets to keep her crap. It does not stay in order, she has no crap.
My Skid to this day will ask for something he had years ago. The answer is the same. When you left for BMT anything of yours that was not put away went to GoodWill. We told you to keep your crap in order kid.
12 is not too young to start the lesson and bring the consequences.
Plastic shower curtain...
Plastic shower curtain... LOL!!!
I'm in the "my house, my
I'm in the "my house, my room" camp. Kids don't have 'their own room'. There would be no shutting the door and letting things just be.
If she can't keep the room clean, she doesn't need anything but a bed and clothes and somewhere to store the clothes. Anything out of place would be trashed.
I had the same problem and it
I had the same problem and it feels as if the only person who cares is really you. the only time i could get dh to step in was when she hoarded food in her room. I wish i had an answer for you... i told hubby if he doesn't make her clean her room ill clean it.. that means a trash bag and gloves. and if he doesn't want to hear his daughter cry and scream and bitch then he could enforce the rules because thats the one thing i can't tolerate. so two times a week i had a trash bag and gloves she was down too three outfits.... before she decided this was enough...
I have the same situation.
I have the same situation. BM bathes about once a week from what I'm told, and she looks it. Has been that way forever from what I'm told. SD is with her 90% of the time, we have her every other weekend. I have tried since she was 5 (now 9) to instill hygiene practices, etc. to no avail. She comes to us and her hair smells so bad you can't even describe it. She has no friends (i.e. due to her holier than though attitude, rudeness and I'm sure hygiene issues), hubby sees it, smells it but doesn't lay down the law by helping in teaching, just tells her what to do knowing darn well it won't happen. I taught her how to shower herself and wash her hair and she still won't do it, pure laziness. She comes out of the shower with dry hair. It is disgusting. I'm finished trying to help when no one cares. Even with all of that BO and being unhygienic, she has the 'tude that you want to just smack her into next week but I never would. I don't discipline, she is the princess and hubby says she can do no wrong. After listening to the posts on this site (which I am thankful to have found), I disengage from any help and/or guidance in any area. I have tried for 6 years to help her in areas of neglect and/or laziness and I am done. All I get is yelled at, screamed at, lied to and that is it! Too old and life is too short!
I am going to have to work on
I am going to have to work on more disengagement. At this point though, it might come in the form of divorce. I keep running into dead ends to the point where I lose my cool and then my spouse chastises me in front of the SD.