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I can't be the only one right ?!?!

Kystpmom's picture

Submitted by Kystpmom on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 9:31am

Forums: 
Parenting Issues

I have an 8yo SS & his mother is a real peace of work !! I am CONSTANTLY having to do pick ups & drop offs & every single practice & games ... she has managed to make it to ONE practice for 20 mins smh . This weekend he has 2 games in a town 45 mins from us ... I will have to take him & pay for everything . Whole hos mother sleeps her hangover off & hangs out with her new boyfriend... it has been 5 years of this bull!! IM SO DONE !! I didnt have kids ...  bc I didnt feel ready to parent ... why the hell am I expected to raise her son ! My husband isnt the best either ... puts all the schoolwork sports & parenting on me . Smh I wanna PULL MY HAIR OUT !! Smfh 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 9:42am

Either BD dose the pick up and drop offs or SS stays with BM.  If DH does not take SS to his games, he doesn't go.  He is there to see his father, not you.  His father has to parent him. By doing all the work

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 10:19am

Why are you more angry at BM than at the man who lives with you and expects you to parent his kid? If BM can't do transporting to games, etc, then DH is the one who does it, not you. 

Don't pull your hair out - just let DH know you will no longer take over for him and BM and all parenting and transporting is on him. If he can't do it, oh well - I guess homework won't get done and the kid won't go to sports.

People can expect all they want  - you don't have to go along with it.

grace8205's picture

Submitted by grace8205 on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 9:15pm

It's so much easier to be angry at BM or skid. We all know that. I think most of us fall into this. Otherwise none of us would have married or stayed married so long. I find it's easier to be angry with skid about certain situations then DH. But most of the blames belongs on the spouse/ bio parent in your household. 
 

But you are absolutely right, the posters anger is misplaced. Sure it's fine to be angry with BM but the poster also should be angry with DH and he needs to shoulder the blame. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 10:29am

I'd be blaming H more than BM. He's the one sticking you with the responsibility for SS. If you don't want to do for him and you're becoming resentful, then stop doing everything.  If the child suffers, that's on his parents. Don't care more than they do - it won't be appreciated.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 10:35am

I am CONSTANTLY having to do 

Oh no. No, no, no, no, NO. This has to stop TODAY.

Hon, no one can make you do this. Visitation is for SS to spend time with his father. NOT YOU. You need to take yourself out of the equation. TODAY.

  • Stop playing chauffeur. You and your car are no longer available. If SS needs to go to practice, Daddy or BM must take him or SS doesn't go. Period.
     
  • If you have not yet done so, BLOCK BM. All contact regarding the skid should be between Daddy and BM.
     
  • Plan activities for yourself during SS's time with Dad. That's the whole point anyway: father and son bonding time. You do YOU. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 11:32am

This is a DH problem.. not a BM problem.. Not a SS problem.

The short question to ask your husband is what did he do before you came into the picture?

Unless you have come to an agreement where you are going to be a SAHM and your husband is supporting the household financially.. and as a result he expects you to fulfill more of the childcare chauffering duties.. it is unfair that you have to sideline your life for his child's schedule.

It would even be one thing if he just expected you to attend WITH him (DH).. because he wanted to spend the time with you too.. but just you and his son? nope

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 1:13pm

puts all the schoolwork sports & parenting on me

Time to put it all on him, which is where it belongs.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 6:30pm

"No!" is a complete conversation.

Not your problem.   Let his parents do the heavy lifting, reset your boundaries, and step in when and where  you want to..... on a rare but notable basis.

Your DH and BM are both taking advantage of  you.

That has to stop.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Thu, 02/06/2020 - 8:18pm

ss was 19 and needed money to get glasses and hubby asked if i could loan the $300 i had (because you know ss needs it pronto) and hubby was at work and would pay me back as he got home.

i told hubby i was busy breastfeeding our newborn son as this was out usual breastfeeding marathon session where our son non stop wanted boob for 4-5 hours. Hubby asked how long i would be breastfeeding for and i said 4-5 hrs so ss would have to wait. Hubby asked i stop breastfeeding our newborn son to get precious money for his glasses despite being a disrespectful shithead to me and i firmly said no. That he wasn’t a priority and i asked hubby if he seriously was dumb enough to tell me to stop breastfeeding a newborn baby to get money for his adult son who tells hubby i am a stranger.

never again did hubby ask such a thing of me. Hubby knows full well i do not prioritise his kids over mine ever because strangers don’t go out of their way for ungrateful people