This is my first time venting online, but I'm seeking general advice, good or bad, I'm open to it all. It may be a little long winded...sorry.

I've been with my fiance for 3 years, where his daughter came into my life when she was 2years old. The relationship with his ex had ended a while before I came into the picture, so I was comfortable in thinking that it might just be easier that way...apparently, I was very wrong. She(the ex) blames me for their relationship ending, which put a lot of stress when dropping/picking up my SD. My fiance at the time was very supportive of my emotions towards this. A condition that was made when his EX moved out of my fiance's house, was to continue paying for the van payments, and her cell phone, car insurance. I've always had an issue with this, because he already pays child support, which she dips into to get her hair done.

Enough with that. My stepdaughter and I have formed a close relationship, I loved being a mother figure to her and I'm sure she felt that. She was, and still is a great kid. Her mother loves her and spends time with her, and we travel 5hours, every second weekend to go and see her. (that is also an issue, because the Ex will not meet halfway 99% of the time) Because of the travel, my fiance and I rarely get to spend quality time together, it's either work, travel or SD. Since my SD turned 4, she doesn't go to me much anymore, she doesn't take my word as solid (let's say if I want her to come and eat, she'll defy it) she's all about daddy. Which I automatically assumed it was because she's in a stage of her life that she wants to revolve around daddy, but I can't help but wonder if it's because of the incessant ignoring of her mother to me when we drop her off or pick her up. The Biological Mother will never say she's going to Daddy and *my name's* house, or truck or whatever else. She dismisses me completely to her daughter, which I find is sending the wrong message to her.

I've communicated this with my fiance, who doesn't want to start anything with the ex, to prevent his daughter any undue heartache. I understand this. But this applies to everything, the payments, the meeting halfway, etc..etc...

Another thing is, that my fiance and I have discussed what my role is as her stepparent, and he agreed that I have as much say as him to raise/discipline her. Having said this, we've yet to put her in a timeout, because she generally listened well, and we usually don't have her long enough to only punish her. But since my stepdaugher turned four, as previously mentioned, she also now whines a lot, she doesn't speak proper english, which means that nobody corrects her, she cries when she doesn't get her way, and my fiance caters to her. He'll encourage her behavior instead of enforcing good behavior. In my opinion, she's spoiled when she's with us, and she knows how to play us. it's not her fault, it's his.

I've re-considered this relationship so many times, because this seems more stressful and frustrating than what I had anticipated, and now I don't enjoy it as much when we get our stepdaughter. I'm also thinking on how good things could be, and that I don't want to leave my stepdaughter's life, as far as she knows, me and her dad have been together for as long as she remembers.

I've made the mistake recently on commenting on the parenting issues as mentioned above, and my fiance got defensive, thinking I'm calling his daughter a brat. He hasn't been home all day, and says I'm being selfish. We used to be so In love, that I don't understand how this happened. I feel as though I have been set up.

As much as I try to understand, at the same time, I have a very hard time to deal with this.