How to deal with people (in laws) who don't agree with disengaging
I have decided after years of bad treatment and little to no support from my partner, to disengage from SD13. I have read up on disengaging, feel empowered and know I am not doing anything wrong so to speak.
I have endured years, all of which people, mainly in laws, who I will referr to in this post, are aware of and have actually played their own part in disrespect towards me.
OH is not happy about me disengaging, but after 5 weeks of me staying firm, he's read up and is now 'supportive', although last night did say 'you can't walk away from being a step parent' - I'm not het up.about that comment, he's just being an arse!
OH has told his parents, my in laws about me not having anything to do with SD and their response 'she can't do that, it's part of parenting!'- clearly forgetting I am not her parent and have never been supported to be one! It was SD birthday yesterday, they all went out for dinner and I didn't go, I spent the day with my family. Not much was said about my lack of presence but his dad did ask him if things were the same, to which OH said yes. OH said his dad didn't look impressed. Normally his dad is the one I get on with and he isn't tolerant of bad behaviour from people, SD, BM etc. Mother in law is normally the one that gets under my skin the most with these matters. Both in laws have a lot to answer for as to how my OH is in a relationship- he's 40 and he's never seen them hug or kiss. It's very weird, they are not my ideal in laws and I don't have any attachment to them.
Now I will at some point be having words with my in laws regarding this with SD. There is part of me that feels I need to justify but the bigger part feels I need to be heard- gone years not being heard!
I would like advice, constructive adult advice and not unhelpful like 'just cut them out' etc that I've had in previous forums that are more toxic than supportive, in how to approach this conversation, get the point across and actually hopefully gain some respect. Any help would be really appreciated, this feels like my last heardle in disengaging.