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Aggressive 21 yr old s/son am now contemplating disengagement

Gerri's picture
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Dear all / am sitting in a chair outside our house middle of the night -broken up -Reading your posts and feeling like I belong to this human community - am sleepless after 21 yr old step son declared recently to his dad that he “hates my guts”, is “done with me” and wants me gone ! I have cared for him for 10 years - after his mother left him - I have loved him like my own (I have 1 daughter of my own who has recently moved out saying she can’t stand to be in the home anymore) I have covered so many of his  costs, been to all of his milestone events growing up and spent countless hours helping him get through his schooling and degree course -hasn’t always been easy as he has shown allot of jealousy and resentment towards me but I have done my best to love him and support him and then this declaration to his father!!! -(I overheard the whole conversation) - OMG - devastated and now want to disengage completely - when I said I had overheard the whole hateful conversation he said he was glad I had heard what he said ...his father ( my partner for a decade) has said I need to step up , be the adult and talk to him - according to my partner his words of rejection were “silly” and just in the heat of the moment!!!!!! I don’t think so - I think they were was is really in his heart - can’t win no matter how much j do to help him - relationship with hubby now strained -thinking I need to get out - any advice? 

Chmmy's picture

My SD16 said nasty things about me. She lives with DH & I and she said she can't take living with me anymore. I know as the adult it is displaced anger that her mother abadoned her over 2 yrs ago. Mommy is coming around again and this child is confused. I dont take the insults personally, like i said displaced anger but i have 100% disengaged and even blocked her from calling or texting my phone. I will give her a reason to be angry at me.. I actually enjoy the disengagment and I dont have to feel guilty. DH expects nothing from me and realizes anything I do for any of the 4 kids is a favor to him.

Rags's picture

What the asshole kid said is irrelevant.  That your SO didn’t bust him in the mouth and toss him out on his ass is far more telling.

The kid is the one that should be gone.  If your SO was worth a crap the kid would already be out.

The number of partners that put toxic adult asshole children before their spouses/life partners is truly nauseating.

If my brothers or I had said that to  our father about his wife it would have been game over.

Call the locksmith and give your partner a key only if he dumps his toxic adult crotch turd.

Take care off you.

Kes's picture

Welcome to the site!  You have two problems - the biggest being your DH who did not have your back and let his son know plainly that he supports you and that his ungrateful tirade was unacceptable.   And at 21, SS  should have his own place and not darken your doors any more.  What a turd.