Hello!
I don't even know where else to turn, so I hope I can find support or a kick in the butt from everyone here.

I've been with my husband almost seven years. We just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary. Our family is made up of his two daughters, 12 and 9, and our 5 year old son.

Honestly, for being in this kind of relationship, I'd like to think I have had it pretty good. My step-daughters (up until now) have been AMAZING. I can tolerate the bio mother and hubby and I seemed to have had it pretty well figured out.

Here is why I am here: About two months ago, we will call her Kaje, her attitude was just unreal. Snarky remarks, talking back and dirty looks with every thing that came out of her mouth. I tried to take it with a grain of salt as I was the queen of attitude at that age. No matter how I handled it, she just seemed to get worse. I talked to hubby and all I ever got was, "Oh, I will talk to her." Now, bio-mom... she doesn't parent her daughters. She prefers a friendship and is always worried about upsetting the girls. This has turned me into the evilest of the four adults trying to raise them. After roughly four weeks of the constant bratty attitude and attitude of entitlement, I snapped. I had had enough of the ZERO support in handling her attitude and I was done trying to make this work. Hubs sat down and we implemented an action/consequence paper. That way the kids knew what was to come with their actions and he was to now step up and start reinforcing the punishments. I am home full time at the moment, so I was the one to lay out the discipline.

Things had been good. I was impressed. Then Kaje lied to my face. Backstory- Bio mom bought her a cell phone, which hubs and I are HIGHLY against. She doesn't bring it to our house on the weeks we have her and she isn't supposed to take it to school. Last week when the girls were with their bio mom, their step father was involved in a car accident with them. They were fine and Kaje wanted to still go to school. Bio mom called me and told me Kaje will call her if she needs picked up. It was said so nonchalantly, I couldn't help but wonder if bio mom was allowing the phone at school. Under the circumstances of the car accident, I could understand but I was put off. Fast forward to this week and I asked about the phone and told Kaje, just be honest with me. "I needed it for a school project on Tuesday." Um... So, I dropped her off not happy with her answer and no sooner did the 9 year old, call her Smolls, told me she had been taking it all week. *sigh* We signed a paper with the school saying she isn't supposed to have any electronic devices at school. Whatever. I will let dad deal with it.
I told hubs when he got home and he was upset. I was stepping back from this one. I briefly heard him tell her "You know she doesn't trust anything that comes out of your mouth." and that was it. The next day hubs and I were heading out of town for the day. He got a phone call mid day stating that *I* would need to pick Kaje up late from school Thursday and Friday for cheer try outs. No. No no no no. I will not be lied to and then expected to cater to her. Of course hubs gets upset with me. He continued to go on about how he just hadn't implemented a punishment yet, you know, because when he does it will be Thursday.

He went off on me that he will figure out her ride situation for her try outs because I was being harsh. We haven't talked since. I don't think any punishment has been implemented either.

I just feel lost. I know I will never be held higher than his girls, I don't expect to be. But as his wife, I would have thought he would support me or come to a compromise with things like this. I worry. She is going to be 13 in less than three months. She is the result of two 18 year old parents.

What do I do? I feel at the rate things have been going, this isn't going to work between us.