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Mum2twogirlz's picture

Basically sd, turned 6. Dh didn't buy a gift or card so neither did I. I went over board for the 2 girls Christmas because I was feeling mum guilt that it would be the last time before baby was born. Anyway, baby is here now. Apparently I was being talked about and it was "shocking" I didn't get skid anything for birthday, why should I! I don't see BM giving anything for my 2 bio kids. When it was bio 2yr old birthday MIL gave her a set of pyjamas around over a week later. But not if it's skid, new shoes, toys etc. am I being unreasonable here? I know they're all just kids but sometimes it feels like I put all the effort in. But it's came to a firm stop. Dh isn't sure skid is even his, so he wants a dna test. Mentioned it to MIL and she freaked, we're currently living with her as our house is unlivable and waiting for a move. She responded with "it makes no difference she will still be coming here she's ours" and Dh responded with, I'm not being the d!k raising my exs kid and being used as a free baby sitterm MIL takes skid almost every weekend fri-sunday, she's at school, we've got a 2 yr old and a 4 month old and have just found out we're expecting again!! Speak about timing!!! 

Cover1W's picture

What the heck - your DH didn't get her anything either (paternity issue aside since no test has been done yet)? That is currently her father. While it's not on you to do the gift arranging/buying giving I'd be all over my DH if he didn't do anything himself and if anyone had the gall to ask me why I didn't, redirect and tell them directly that that's her dad's responsibility and he did not want to do it.

ESMOD's picture

Several things come to mind here.

1.  No, you are not automatically obligated to buy his child something for her birthday.. but I think it does indicate to his family that you don't consider her your family in any way.  and.... I know his family hasn't been great and wonderful either.. certainly they should be treating your own kids well and as if they are family if they expect you to treat your DH's child as family..and tbh... your DH's child (if she is).. is a bit more family to you because you chose to marry him... so I do see their point to an extent.  His EX.. it's nowhere near relatable whether she would buy your bio anything.. it's not the same thing.. she didn't marry your EX.. so your kids aren't her step kids.  Again.. a stepparent is not obligated to spend anything on their stepkids.. but for a 6 yo... I am thinking at least token recognition of a birthday would be appropriate.

2.  Paternity test needs to move forward.  Whether his mother wants to remain in the child's life or not, he needs to settle this issue.  the longer that poor girl believes he is her father.. and if it turns out he is not.. and drops the rope with her.. that will be devastating for her.. and he needs to get this settled.  Does he have any real reason to consider this a possibility?  If so, he needs to stop procrastinating and deal with it.

3.  Your housing situation needs to be fixed.  Why is your house unlivable and when will that situation be resolved?  Living with your MIL sounds like a toxic situation... and you don't want to be so reliant on someone who does not appear to be a fan of you.. 

Harry's picture

Not your problem.  Redirect MIL to her DS. not you.   DH must find out if he's the father or not. If he is actually the BF. that was cruel on his part.  Remember, if something happens to DH.  Marriage ends, death,  you will never see SD again .