I found this forum through a search and I have enjoyed reading so many posts from people that are going through so many similar things. I honestly thought my wife and I were the only ones to experience something so bizarre, but after reading the posts I see that many folks have similar issues. I'm glad I found this place.

Anyways, I'll try to keep this post as short as possible. I want to preface this by saying that my wife has Full Custody and is Legal Custodian of her girls.

I met my wife about 5 years ago while teaching history at a small private school. We married and I inherited 4 beautiful step-daughters. I had taught them for 2 years prior to meeting their mother so the transition went smooth for the most part. The girls ages were: 13, 10, 8, and 7.

Obviously their Dad did not like me and was still bitter towards his wife for divorcing him about 3 years prior to me coming along. He had a lot of influence on the oldest stepdaughter who was 13 at the time. He pumped her head full of lies about me and her mother and for the longest time she believed them. I usually just ignored the nonsense he would say and eventually she and I had a very good relationship. I always had a decent relationship with her when I was her teacher.

Over about a years time the SD started having issues with her dad. On his weekends he was taking them out to eat and then dropping them off at his families house while he went somewhere else. They didn't do much with him on his weekend and he usually stayed with his parents. Around that time he claimed bankruptcy and did not take my wife's name off the deed of the house they owned which he was court ordered to do. Soon after I had the banks coming after my wife and while I was in the middle of purchasing a home. Obviously we had to consult our attorney and we were able to settle it out of court, but it took a toll on the oldest daughter. His behavior was deplorable and seemed to be getting worse.

One evening I was hooking up the Xbox for her and she came downstairs and said, "Do you want to know what my cousins did to me?" She said it in a joking way which gave me no cause for concern. She then proceeded to give me explicit details of sexual assault that was done to her by her two cousins. The incident had occurred two years prior while under the care of her dad. I talked with her for a little while and then brought my wife in on the conversation. Soon we called her dad and explained the situation and what had occurred. We said that he was not to have the girls around these two boys. We asked if he would talk with his family and find out what happened. He told us that he didn't want to make waves and proceeded to never speak to his daughter about the incident.

Then one day while she was babysitting, she sent a scathing text to her dad. She basically cussed him down one wall and down the next and confronted him with every issue she had with him. When he sent the text to my wife we were a bit shocked. I wasn't too happy with her tone, but she wanted to confront him and thought that she could only do it through text. Basically this sent off a chain reaction and a series of events that resulted in him leaving. Just like that. He was gone for 3 years. He paid CS but did not have any contact with his daughters except for sending them amazon cards through the mail.

That same daughter got into a secret online relationship with another young man. She was 17 at the time and he was 22 and fresh off a divorce. She asked if she could meet him. I wasn't to keen on the idea, but allowed her to meet him with me and her mother present at a local restaurant. The first time I met him he seemed to be okay, then the next time there were some red flags along with a horrifying letter he left her. This guy wrote a long letter to his "future" girlfriend or wife and called it his user's manual. He gave it to her for her to read. It scared the hell out of her and she showed it to us. It was terrifying to read. Within his "manual" he told her that she was his everything and told her of things he would do to her such as groping, cheating, manipulate her emotions, etc. At first she was so afraid she actually slept with her mother for 3 days. I contacted the young man and told him to cease talking to her. They continued to talk to each other in secret and he explained the manual away and convinced her to marry him when she turned 18.

The week before she turned 18 we learned of her plan to take off in the middle of the night on her 18th birthday. We frantically did everything we could do including contacting the police. The police read the manual and contacted border control (he was an illegal immigrant). They said he showed signs of being a human trafficker. Talk about a nightmare I lived it. My SD changed her mind and went to court and placed a CPO on him. A month later she changed her mind again and ran away to another state to be with this guy and wanted to get the CPO removed. She completely flipped. She starting speaking all of these horrible things about her mother accusing her of abuse and being an alcoholic. We were scared for her safety and thought we would call her dad and perhaps he would be able to talk some sense into her.

Instead what we got was him buying her a lawyer, helping her drop her phone and buying her a new phone with a new number, and then testifying on her behalf at the CPO hearing. The magistrate didn't buy any of the arguments and did not drop the CPO. She was placed in counseling and goes back to court in a couple weeks. She moved in with him for about a week, then moved to his sister's home. She is currently there

After the CPO hearing we met up with her dad because he wanted to continue with his visitations. He had not seen the girls for 3 years and now had a fiance. We agreed to start the weekends back up, however we put the stipulation on him that they could not have contact with their older sister. Her 3 sisters did not want to see her and we were advised by the courts that it would be best to keep them separate for awhile. He requested that the girls be allowed to be around her for his wedding, which we allowed but said it had to be brief (it was a courthouse wedding).

Unfortunately, its been one thing after another. He isn't respecting that boundary and the girls keep coming in contact with her and there has been a couple fights because of it. My wife and I keep meeting with him and his wife to try and get some sort of communication going, but how can you work with someone who doesn't care?

And of course, everything is our fault even his absence for 3 years, his bankruptcy, and even the gray in his freaking beard!

This has been an emotional year with so many highs and lows and I am about at my limit with this guy. I've worked with him and now his wife quite a bit. Since coming back into the picture the girls have grown to dislike him and don't want to go with him. He has never apologized to them, never explained his absence except that it was our fault, and believes everything will pick back up like it was 3 years ago.

It is hard to trust a guy that wants to badly to hurt you. I just don't see a solution. Perhaps we got into the weekends too quickly.

Any advice on how to navigate through this mess?

All of this and my wife is expecting our second child in a month. (she is a high risk pregnancy and has had 5 miscarriages before this one)