Skids ruining my relatioship with FH
I can't stand them anymore (SS 15 and 11), they are disrespectful, never clean up after themselves and just plain rude. My FH and I are constantly fighting about it. He says wait till your son is their age, he will be the same.
I tell him their rudeness and bullying towards my son and I is uncalled for and making me sick (anxiety). He says I worry to much and should just not care about what they say or do. That I should get down to their level. He says they will be this way for a long time and to get used to it.
He also said that they are old enough and if he punishes them to much they will stay at their mom's. I told him, so we have to endure their bad behaviour because you're scared they will leave?
He said no but that they are not as bad as I say and they are nice with him so he doesn't want to get involved.
I go through phases that I feel like I should leave him before I get very sick. Today is one of those days where I see a very unhappy future with him.
I wish I had some advice for
I wish I had some advice for you, but I am in the exact same situation. DH is sooo afraid of his kids. He cannot say anything to them and I am expected to just put up with everything even when it's to the point where I feel sick because for example I don't get to sleep because ss16 is allowed to come in whenever he wants (2:30 am) and it wakes me up and then his cousin calls at 5:30 am looking for him. Yeah, not supposed to be a problem for me.
I go through phases when things are great and times like this when I think I'm a total idiot for putting up with this life.
I also replied to your post..
I also replied to your post.. sad how much our situation are the same. Why do we put up with this? I know I wiould never be able to put my FH through something like this if roles were reversed. We should have more respect for oursekves as the man in our lives obviously don't respect us.
Would he allow his kids to
Would he allow his kids to act that way if they were over at a friend's house and not listening to the mother in that household?
very good point, I'll raise that with him! Thanks
Good luck! My DH WOULD allow
Good luck! My DH WOULD allow SD17 to act that way to another parent. When SD was about 11 I was assistant coach of her basketball team. She was being rude to the coach so the coach pulled me aside and asked me to deal with it. When I was unsuccessful (because SD doesn't listen to me), I went to DH. He got mad at ME and said if the coach had a problem it was the coach's job to deal with SD, not his. Yep, that's right, he wasn't going to tell SD to listen to her coach because the coach should do it herself. Needless to say, that was a stressful season and I will NEVER do that again.
I don't think I have any good advice for you unfortunately because I never figured out how to deal with this in my OWN house.
Wow, why would he let them
Wow, why would he let them have control of the situation? Who si the adult here? Your FH is not standing by your side at all by allowing them to act this way. For your health I would definitely take a break and go away for a week. It sounds like these 2 SS want to stay with their mom anyway. Geez!
My bioson is what I think of
My bioson is what I think of also, I'm afraid that he will grow up and also think that this is normal behaviour. I speak to him often even though he's only 6 and he understands that mommy is struggling with the other 2 and that he should not act like that but it's though. I don't hope that they move to their mom's full time, I just want the respect I deserve.
I truly hope your turnout is not like mine.
Not sure why I can't get the
Not sure why I can't get the strenght to leave. I have a stressful job and finally just resolved issues with my ex. I know these are only excuses and I should work on being happy. Hopefully I get the strenght and courage to leave his a$$ soon. I'm starting to hate him for how he treats me (I guess this is progress).
We went through this. FH
We went through this. FH would not discipline the girls because he was afraid they would not want to come back to daddys. They are 7 and 5 now - and we have been together for three years. I told him it was discipline them - or I was out the door. Low and behold - he has been disciplining them. There has been a dramatic improvement in 3 years - AND who gives a sh*t if the kids don't like it? Who likes to be disciplined anyway? And guess what - they are kids. Kids are not given a choice on where they are going on the weekend. If it's dads weekend - they are going!!!!
I always tell my fsd's - someday you will thank me for being "mean." You need a mom - not a best friend.
So I got home last night and
So I got home last night and FH tells me that BM called him and said the kids want to leave because I'm always rude with them. I flipped, I told him I've been telling you for the last year that there are issues. I told you they are rude, bullies and arrogant with me all the time. Now the story is twisted and I'm the problem? I told him don't worry, I won't make you choose, I'm gone.
He said he wanted to talk about it more all of us together.
Couple hours later, we sit all of us together and he asks them why they would say such a thing. Their response is they are not happy and want to come less to our place. So I ask them for examples of when I've been rude, they can't think of any. I say, I can think of 5 for each of you in the last month, of times you were rude with me. Then they start mentioning a conflict we had last summer. I say, we are talking about now, what have I done that makes you want to leave.
They never came up with anything, I know they couldn't because I have never been rude or disrespectful to them. FH was supportive of me and we had really good conversations. So after talking and trying to resolve things the truth comes out. They admit to making it all up because their dad doesn't spend time with them.
My FH is still in denial. I'm so mad at him, he said lets start at zero tomorrow. I said I can't, I'm too hurt. I know he will not change and he will spend more time with them for a couple of weeks then it will go back to this. I told him I can't believe that when I talk to you about things, you don't react but if BM calls then you sit us all down to talk. He said it's not because she called, it's because the kids said they wanted to leave that he wanted to find a solution.
We fought about it all night.I'm happy he finally reacted but I know he won't change, he's very selfish when it comes to his time, and working out at the gym and stuff.I'm so mad at him for not listening to me earlier. i feel like it's too late. I am not a target and will not be a victim of their bad relationship. My heart is no longer committed to this family.