SD10 so mean to my BD6
My 10 year SD is so horrible to my 6 year old daughter. She is constantly mean, criticizes, exaggerates the truth to get her in trouble and yells at her to go away when she is near. I feel like she is bullying her to no end. I don't know what to do. I have talked to DF many times, hes talked to her and she always says that my daughter is in her stuff when in truth she is not. We have the rule that the kids bedrooms are private. When SD is here, it's always unpleasant to do anything family oriented. I usually try to separate with my two girls to avoid it all. SD10 is so attached to other daughter who is 12 and is like her shadow. There are a lot of discipline problems as well. DF let's her walk all over him and my daughters have a lot of rules and behaviors that are not acceptable. I love this man with all my heart and he is so good to me and my kids, but I don't know what to do and feel like ending it over all this. We are getting married in 5 months and I feel like canceling the whole thing. I know it's newer and we have only been living together for 6 months, but I'm afraid this won't end and I fear another failed marriage. How do I cope with someone in my household bullying my daughter?
Do not get married. I don't
Do not get married. I don't understand people moving in together and then getting upset when things go wrong with the kids, who did not ask to move in together, did they? The only problem here is that one girl is yours, one is his. If they were blood sisters, you wouldn't be writing this, because it would be normal. I have an 8 yr old like your 10 yr old SD. My bf would say the same thing as you. He only sees things from his perspective and his sweet, innocent kids do nothing wrong. He sees everything my daughter does wrong because he sees her all the time, but bc he hardly sees his kids...you know the story. The difference in how we see things is that I do handle the situation with my daughter, to the degree that I can without being a complete *itch all day long, but he says that I allow and support her behavior. So it's possible that you two are just looking at it from your kids' perspectives when you need to look at the big picture. Kids act out when they are in situations that don't work for them. Divorce does this. Shacking up makes it worse. Marriage won't necessarily improve anything, and it may get worse. Also realize that the 10 yr old is probably in the beginning stages of puberty if not already in the middle of it. Hormones completely change kids' behaviors and ability to work things out normally. If you want this to ever work, you need to try and look at this from SD's perspective and not be the mother hen trying to protect your daughter. If you can't do that and you can't reach out to your SD in an effective manner, this will be an uphill battle. I would figure it out before getting married!
No, actually when we got
No, actually when we got engaged almost a year ago and talked with the kids several times about what this means, whose house we want to live in, when we wanted this to happen...all the kids wanted this move. My fiancé built the two older girls in in the basement there own rooms, full bath, large living room with a fireplace for family time. This wasn't just a let's shack up...... was spending 6 months finishing a full basement. All 3 girls all got brand new rooms and were part all part of this process. The living together adjustment has been ok for the kids....they all love that they have there own private domain and say in how this whole process went. As I said ...I have a 12 year old daughter so believe me I know what puberty is...she was unfortunately blessed early with that. This is not that.....my 12 year old has never acted bullying or demeaning or nasty to her sister like that. Believe me..they fight, but love each other and aren't mean and nasty. This is about a little spoiled princess brat 10 year old only child who has a deranged mom ( the disgrace got a DUI with the kid in the car and is addicted to pain killers who dresses her like a raggamuffin and over compensates with her because she has guilty periods because she such a shitty mom) and guilty dad who works 50+ hours a week and just wants to please her every chance he gets. I do feel sorry for her, I have tried , tried, tried...taking her shopping...kid never wore a pair of jeans til me...all that stuff a mother or woman figure would do for a little girl. But, I just cant take it anymore...her nastiness, meaness to my 6 year old.....not simple sibling fighting like my girls...she is mean, disrespectful and nasty to her. And when I tell her something she just dead stares at me like I didn't say anything at all. How do I cope with this for another 8 years???? Will I ever have positive thoughts about her...seems gets worse and worse.. I'm only touching the surface here...believe me there is so much more to her bratty self, way more.
O.M.G. The blank stare. If
O.M.G. The blank stare. If only you could smack it off their faces... I had the blank stare SD and it drove me crazy. Then God blessed me with the "no filter" speaks her mind child no matter who it hurts, and all I can do is laugh. So you have the 12 y.o.? I would be speaking to the 12 y.o. to stick up for the 6 y.o. SD10 will listen to her before she listens to you. Have a heart to heart with 12 y.o. and let her know that SD10 needs her help to learn appropriate behavior, etc. All it takes is a shake of the head and "that's not cool" from another child, whereas it could take parents a MONTH to get the same reaction. But more importantly, Dad needs to wake up. Too bad if he feels guilty. He needs a parenting course or a kick in the head.
I know! He is very open to
I know! He is very open to what I say....believe me I think I would have an attitude if he complained to me Bout my kids the way I do yo him. But he definitely could use a parenting course. I tell him, how the heck is she going to function as an adult if you and BM cater to her. It's sickening. I am very hood to my girls and they have it made, however they do have rules and behavior expectations. I have talked to my 12 year old and for awhile she did stick up for little sister and didn't talk to SD for awhile....of course then SD started being nice to BD. That didn't last long.....my oldest tells me she wants to stay out of it now. What can I do...don't want to put her into an uncomfortable situation. I told DF ( I hope that means dear fiancé lol) that I will do fun things with my girls and he can with his. SD will be bothered by that because she is so attached yo my oldest. Maybe after she realizes that she will only do fun things with dad solo, and muss out on the fun thing my girls and I do she will change her little bratty, mean attitude. I told him I am not venturing out of the house with the three of them in tow with this crap going on and the fact that she doesn't listen to a thing I say. Thanks for your replys, I'm glad I found this site. What a welcome relief to have people to vent with and understand.