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My 11 year old step-son annoys the hell out of me HELP

Mom6313's picture

I have two sons of my own 19 and 17. They're far from perfect, but they are independent, athletic and fun teenagers. My step-son is 11 and does not move from his phone and games at all. He hums constantly. I mean in the car, playing his game, it doesn't matter he hums constantly. He will not eat anything besides pizza, chips, and chicken nuggets. He says he eats different things at his moms, but refuses to eat them when we cook them. He tries to sneak into bed with us at night and last night scared the shut out of his dad and me. If his dad tells him to stop doing something he has to tell him to stop 5 times minimum. He thinks he knows everything and u have heard this child tell his own grandmother she didn't know what she was talking about. He has never stayed the night with any friends from school and he's never had any friends stay the night. Last year he started junior high. He seems to enjoy it, but I noticed he didn't go to any birthday parties unless they were with his grandmother and church related. I don't know if he has any friends at school because he never mentions them. This use to make me so sad for him because I knew what a hard time he was having being bullied, but this past year is the first year I've seen him enjoy school. I worry that this will not last long. The kid is extremely intelligent, but very rude about it and thinks he knows everything. He does not listen and always thinks he's right. I've raised my own two sons and I know kids get in that stage, but my kids did this with their parents never other adults. If his phone dies he runs around the house and takes his fathers charger. His dad still has to run a bath for him, get him dressed in the morning, go and get his drinks etc from the kitchen. I adored this kid when I first met him and until about 6 months ago I enjoyed spending time with him. He has not matured at all in the 3.5 years I've known him. The kid never plays outside. I refuse to go to stores with him and his dad. His dad said something to me today and I said "no I was on the phone with you last time you were at the tire with him he was jumping around and yelling and being completely ridiculous. I am not going to the store with a child that doesn't know how to behave." If he says he wants a snack and his dad says chips or something he will start sticking his tongue out like a dog and go yeah yeah yeah. If he's told not to play on something he sits on it anyways and still tries to play on it. Even though he's been told over and over. If his dad tells me he loves me or anything he gets jealous. I almost hate for his dad to say anything like that to me in front of him. I don't know what's wrong with me. My kids have always been so athletic and independent. When they were his age they would make their own snacks and got themselves up for school and got ready. I was a single mom so now I feel bad and wonder if my kids just had to grow up quick. My youngest son is 17 and has always been a handful. He's ADHD and was on meds for a few years, but took him off because he wasn't growing or eating well. We have to stay on him and he does dumb stuff, but for the most part normal teenage things. I don't want to be a step-monster and I try to not get too involved anymore. He has a great mom and his dad is amazing. He just seems to do better at his moms. His dad says his mom is the mean one. If the child does poorly on a test and he knows he's about to get in trouble he will start crying and my husband babies him. Then he complains saying "I had him all calmed down and then she started getting onto him." I just keep my mouth shut. I co-parented for 18 years. I know it's difficult. This kid gets everything and I mean everything he wants between us and his grandma and I'm sure his mom. My husbands mom goes to the movies with the ex and her grandson. It's just all very weird to me. It doesn't bother me because his mother seems to be better to all her kids exes. Like has them come stay at her house when they're in town etc. At thanksgiving she ignored her own daughter and stayed in and talked to the exes wife instead. I don't plan on having that close of a relationship with her nor do I plan on doing that much of the parenting with another child. I honestly just needed to vent and know if the humming, the childlike behavior etc is normal for an 11 year old boy. I will not be cooking special things for this child nor will I serve him.

Mom6313's picture

See I think the non-stop humming is weird as heck. I think the kid is too honestly. So I'm not crazy these are abnormal for a 11 year old. His dad spends quality time with him daily. Helps with homework, reading and plays with him. I just think he lets his mom get in the way of him parenting.

thinkthrice's picture

"I just think he lets his mom get in the way of him parenting."
BINGO! And it is a mistake that he will live to regret. As heavenlike said you need to disengage and let Dad take care of everything.

Acratopotes's picture

I think dad is to blame here, why is he still running a bath for this kid? He can simply tell his kid, come on son you are almost a teenager, go and run your own bath and wash...

Humming would not bother me at all, but I might say - it's time for a new song kiddo.... trying to get into my bed...
he will be sorry cause self reflex will hurt him a bit..

Mom6313's picture

No. He has not been assessed. I have read a lot up on it. I have known this kid since he was 7. He's always been a little different, but he's also extremely intelligent. Not in a straight A way in a way most kids don't even think about things. The humming I just started to notice in last 6 months. Even when asked to stop he starts right back up. You think it wouldn't bother you, oh but it does. Thank you for all your input. My sons are 2 years apart. This is the only child of him and his ex and the baby grandchild. He is an extremely sensitive child. So I know they all kind of babied him through the divorce etc. I'm not sure what goes on at moms house. No one even knows for sure if her long time bf lives with them. As much as my ex and I wanted to kill each other sometimes we knew what was going on and knew the others partner. I know every divorce is different.

Harry's picture

My life is crazy, But it still hard for me to believe what real craziness is. How do any of these people believe in there hearts. That not teaching a 11 year old to take his own shower by himself is not making a nut case in life.

Mom6313's picture

I just don't understand not being able to run your own water and get your own clothes together at that ago. I don't understand not having friends over or going to overnight get togethers. My house was full of boys when my kids were that age. It still is with their buddies. I don't understand taking a crap for 40 minutes and people needing to tell you to hurry it up. To me a lot of it is insanity.

Acratopotes's picture

It's easy to understand why this 11 year old can't do a thing and has no friends...

cause his father is treating him like a baby and acts like his friend.... thus I say again the problem is with the bio dad, he needs to start parenting and stop being a buddy...