I just can't get along with his son!
7 years into a relationship and we are still not married nor have we started our own family. My boyfriend seems to think his kid is the greatest in the world and does no wrong. His child is his only priority. I hate to throw in the towel so to say - after 7 years. I am now 37 years old and it is pretty hard to start over - I can't stand his spoiled rotten, snotty kid. The kid has everything handed to him - literally. He has no idea what it is like to actually physically work for anything. He is nothing but a consumer - contributes to nothing in our house and all because his father wants to be the better parent. the ex-wife always has something to say and sends out weekly 1000 word emails about everything her child does (get a lower test score...come home late..etc) is his father's fault. All she wants is her child support - it is all about money. His son doesn't want to drive a vehicle we have provided for him so he tells his mother it is because we expect him to put more gas in it than he uses - so he goes to her house to drive the BRAND new vehicle they have provided. That is nothing but the biggest lie ever! And has his father confronted him on that? No! Why does his father allow him to get away with those lies - it only contributes to the stupid ex sending out more elaborate emails full of crap! He doesn't pick up after himself, he leaves food on the furniture, hasn't washed his bedsheets in a year and I have only purchased soap for him twice in 7 years. How gross is that. Father....does nothing. Completely clueless...only wants to be the better parent cause it is all about his son and his son can do no wrong. At 16 years old, he can't even tell you how to check the oil in car. I love my boyfriend and things would be perfect - there is no doubt in my mind - perfect...if it weren't for his child. Can i make it another year and a half till he leaves and goes to college? HOW does anyone handle this crap? I have read that being a step-mom in a blended family is one of the most difficult things to do and the "survival" rate is very low. (I studied psychology before changing majors). I actually had a professor tell me that. So how do we get it to work? I can't stand a filthy house so i have no choice but to pick up - if I was go ask his father to have his child clean up and contribute, you would think I had just killed his best friend. I was raised to be independent and contribute - self sufficient and respectful. Why do I have to "walk away and cut my ties" UGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Overall, I know it is probably a bad situation and I should just walk away but it is hard after 7 years together. At my age - it is hard to start over and find another relationship - one that doesn't involved someone else's previous luggage!
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it's a bitch, isn't it?
it's a bitch, isn't it? :O
i'm sorry. you are in good company though - in case that makes you feel any better
I don't know how to make it
I don't know how to make it work when the biological parents won't cooperate. I DO know that I walked after TWENTY SIX years and at the age of 48.
Yes, it is heart breaking. Yes, it is hard. But - it's not the end of the world. It's a new (peaceful, sane) beginning.
After 7 years your bf and you
After 7 years your bf and you haven't started a family? Do you want one? Have you made that clear to him? Because, sorry, it sounds like he's using his son as an excuse, and you're in for a world of hurt when that excuse leaves, and your bf has to just straight-up tell you he doesn't want to marry you or have a child with you. He may also feel he's too old to start over again as a dad.
I feel you! My SS is 15. He
I feel you!
My SS is 15. He lived with us for 3 1/2 years then went to live with his BM. 7 months later and alot of missed school he is back living with us.
I let DH know that I did not want him to move back but DH said he has to think about getting SS through this year of school.
He's only been back 3 days. I have disengaged totally. DH has basically told me I am in the wrong for not talking to him and said that I have hated him since 6 months after I met him (8 1/2 years ago)... if he thought I hated him when I was trying my arse off for years then why should I bother to make an effort anymore??!!
Lets see your are 37 years
Lets see your are 37 years old and can reasonably expect another 40+ years of life. You've wasted seven of those years and want ideas on how to plan your future?
I've got it: Spend those 50 years with a guy who is consumed with providing his only child with the basics in life so he won't learn to to care for himself and will have to be provided for until either the father or son dies. This same guy will make sure his son doesn't have to work hard to buy the better things in life and his boys mother will contribute so the boy has a complete sense of entitlement.
Meanwhile you can sit sidelined knowing full well that he gives not one whit about you emotionally or physically. If fact your basic purpose in life is to contribute to the household expenses so he can free up more money to throw in his sons direction. Oh yeah lets not forget about easing his sexual urges and cleaning up after both himself and this leach of a boy while cooking for him. And his boy too?
Perfect.
Or maybe leaving and spending a couple of years re-establishing oneself then finding a guy who has proven himself a capable parent by having children who are self-supporting and accepting of a new wife in their fathers life or even a guy who has no children at all.
You are damned lucky you didn't have any children to tie yourself to this loser. You can be self-supporting can't you? Then what's your excuse?
I appreciate your comments in
I appreciate your comments in every way. You did hit something - supporting myself right now will be difficult. I took a job that pays a lot less than what I use to make and I have given everything(financially) to this relationship. I have nothing in savings....nothing in a 401K.... I want out. I moved to Colorado to be with him - I left my family and friends behind back in Texas. If I leave, I will want to go back to TX as I have nothing here of value. The transition is hard for a person who works full time, goes to college full time and has a very important furry companion to take care of as well. I am so amazed how clueless a person can actually be when it comes to respect and just being....fair.
http://thedailylove.com/a-let
http://thedailylove.com/a-letter-from-a-friend-new-blog/
Do not stay because you have invested seven years. I stayed because I invested 1 1/2 years and then because it was 3 years and then it was 3 1/2 and I had to leave. It was too much. I should have walked away the first time. It was much easier and I was more prepared. I stayed hoping , believing etc. Nothing will change were his words to me. I just had to walk away...
Have the courage and confidence to do right by yourself. Do not abandon yourself!
http://thedailylove.com/never-abandon-yourself-to-please-another/
My SO thinks the same about
My SO thinks the same about his 6 year old son. It drives me insane and he also buys this kid everything under the sun. It is now at the point that when his son comes to visit us (every week for 3 or 4 days) he asks his dad what he bought him. I have 2 kids with my ex and do not spend frivolously on them and they are not spoiled brats. When they do get stuff they respect it and take care of it. My SO's son is constantly breaking or losing his stuff and his response is "my dad will just buy me a new one" and the sad thing is he is usually right. When his father is not at home he's a different kid than when his father is home - that is when I want to lock myself in our room or hop in the car and get out for a while.