I do not like my step kids, need to vent
I feel AWFUL for saying that. I've never came out and told ANYONE that I do not like my step kids. I do not enjoy their visits and will find things to occupy my time so that I have to deal with them as little as possible. I have a 3yr and a 5yr old from my first marriage, and my DH has a 4 yr old and 5 year old from his.
You would think with them being the same age as my own that it would be easier for me, but it's not. The 4 year old is super whiny and clingy and still talks like a baby. The sound of her voice annoys me(so bad so say!) She pees her bed every single night and changes her panties at least 7 times a day because she never makes it to the bathroom in time. DH does nothing to discipline her of this. She's 4, she's perfectly capable of going to the bathroom. My 3 year old does!
The 5 year old reminds me so much of her mother it's unbelieveable. I do get along at all with DH's ex. She has made my life hell since I got with DH, though I did nothing to her. Her attitude is awful aand will punch, kick, scream, throw things, etc when things don't go way. She has a horrible attitude and almost everything that comes out of her mouth is rude. My daughter who is also 5 and I would NEVER in a million years let her talk to anyone like that. I will get on to my step daughter for her attitude but usually DH is there to and I expect him to back me up or disicpline further. Sometimes he does but for the most part he doesn't.
Is it sad that I'm also sorta jealous of them? When they are at our house I feel second. I understand that they are his kids, but while I adore and love my own children, I do NOT make DH feel second. I've always followed the advice of "Put your marriage first and your children second". It does them good to see us as a united front and a loving couple. My kids understand my world doesn't revolve around them but his kids seem to think everyone's world is supposed to revolve around them.
I feel so awful for not liking them. I would be devasted if my DH didn't like my own kids. He is great with my kids for the most part. I've never made any comments to him about how I feel about his kids but I'm sure he's not stupid when everytime they are there I try to be home as little as possible. I've tried in the past to plan things to do with them, fun things, like going to the park, or baking cookies or doing scavenger hunts but one of them always has to ruin it, by whining or having an attitude. My kids are no where near perfect, but my kids now where I draw the line and what is respectful and what is not and have respect for people and their things.
You're hardly alone and
You're hardly alone and frankly you'll be a lot happier if you become and remain single until your kids and his are grown. Combining households to save money isn't worth the hassles that come with it.
By juggling visitations you both can have the same weekends free of kids date and tryst to your hearts content.
Then go home to your respective seperate lives.
My 4 yr old starting doing
My 4 yr old starting doing that. A few times in time out did the trick. She gets lazy and does not want to stop what she is doing.
Have you asked your DH if he
Have you asked your DH if he honestly ever felt second in the home?
I feel your pain!!! I have
I feel your pain!!! I have never admitted it before either but my bf's son drives me completely insane when my bf is around. When my bf is not around he is fine to be around but as soon as my bf gets home I grit my teeth. My bf and I have been together for a little I've 2 years and living together since the beginning of the year and my bf and I cannot even have a conversation without him coming in or hollering down the hall for him. Also my bf is constantly buying him stuff and now everytime he comes to our house or we go to the store it's "what did you get me". He is constantly making ridiculous noises and making these poses where he flings his arms out and then the dogs start barking and jumping and then he starts yelling that the dogs won't leave him alone. Things are different when my bf is not around as he does not do any other those things and also when my 2 are here because he wants to play with the kids but there are still those moments where he's a thorn in my side (again only when his dad is around). I know it was just him and his dad before I met my bf but we've been together long enough that he shouldn't try to get in between his dad and I. My bf keeps allowing though. I'm hoping this year will change as he is starting full day school instead of half day. I'm hoping each day will get a little bit better. Keep your chin up and I wish you the best with your situation.
It didn't take me very long
It didn't take me very long after joining this site to realize that SO was a bigger problem than SD. Granted, she is a fairly obnoxious kid, but SO did not discipline or guide her and often indulged her out of his misplaced guilt over "everything she had been through".
Your DH needs to improve his parenting skills. This is not something unique to 'blended' families. Lots of parents need help getting on the same page with parenting, which is why there are probably thousands of books and videos about parenting. With all those kids the same age, you guys really should get a book or two like '1-2-3 Magic' so that there can be some consistency in your home with dealing with the kids.
OMG - that's what I hear too
OMG - that's what I hear too "But they've been through SO much, you expect too much of them with all they've been through!" ALL his kids have been through is them splitting up, dad moving in with me and moving house. Same school, same after school activities etc.
LOL
MY kids have also been through their parents splitting up. On top of that they have had dad move in with a new gf, moved states and in with OH, new schools, new after school activities.
Guess whose kids are well adjusted and accepting of the changes in their lives and whose aren't?