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I can't be happy around my skids!

sarebear's picture

We have two of our own (twin toddlers) and this summer we have my skids (SD7 and SS12) every other 2 weeks. Because I am a SAHM without an income, we have no money to send the skids to camps. So guess who gets to be with them all day? Yep and I don't even like them!!! I don't get either one of them at all. They are super immature, and they are a bad influence on our twins. My SD7 is a complete drama queen that can't do anything for herself. My SS12 is sneaky and a critic. He thinks he knows how to parent and second guesses everything I do.

Anyway, long story short, the whole time they are with us, I am in the worst mood. I love my husband dearly, he is the greatest husband and I am so happy with him. Its his kids I can't stand. He understands why and he is desparately trying to help them to have better manners, more respectful language, a better social life (neither one have friends and I know why - they're obnoxious as hell!), etc. But I hate hate hate that I have to be the one that's with them more during the summer than either of their parents. Our twins are two now and copy their behaviors. All I want to do is take our twins away while they are with us. I don't want anything to do with them. I try to be happy but inside I am screaming. Thankfully I can be completely honest with my husband but there really is no other option for us until we have more income. My husband pays child support so they are at camps when they are with their mom. Then they come to us and are bored because I can't find activities for such a huge age range. Plus I am still really busy with the twins. I say to them, "Let's call up your friends and get together" but there are no friends to call. My SD names a girl she was friends with in preschool that she hasn't seen since then.

I just don't know how to get past my feelings. I have two older children of my own who refuse to see me. Their original complaint was that they couldn't stand my step kids but I thought they were just being mean teenagers. Now I know they had legitimate complaints. Now my own children have come up with many more reasons to hate me but it all started with that. I kept trying to have a big happy family but ended up losing my own (besides the fact that my ex was happy to bash me when they had complaints). It's ended up being a PAS thing but I have a feeling that if my skids had been neat/cool children, we'd be in completely different situation. When my own children were there age, they had friends and we would do things with them over the summer so the whole ZERO friends thing is so strange to me. I've gotten my step daughter together with other girls but they are no interested in getting together again after a couple of times.

So yeah, there's resentment there too. I just don't have anywhere else to complain. I don't want to be with my skids AT ALL but I have to. It just sucks!!!!!!!

Catch22In2013's picture

You're fortunate to have a husband who understands. Mine is having a hard time understanding why I don't like being around his girls (6 & 14). It's difficult for me to have an open conversation with him because how do you say I can't stand your kids??? Mine also seems to have no friends. This has been the LONGEST summer with them in the house all day. I recommended signing the 6 yo up for Girl Scouts. I don't think it's expensive (I did it as a kid & we were dirt poor!) - so maybe you could try that for the girl? Also, do you have a pool nearby? That's free & they should be able to self-entertain & leave youmalone (lol). I'm pregnant w/ our 1st child & very concerned that the girls' incredibly poor habits will rub off on my child. I feel your pain.

sarebear's picture

Catch22 - Congrats on your pregnancy! Your baby will obviously bring you great joy. The thing I am happiest about it the age difference because they are in such different stages. However, I do have problems with boundary issues too though. My skids feel entitled to and want many of the twins' toys. They take over their play and upset the twins. It's weird because with my first two, the age difference is 5 years and there were never many problems with either one really trying to take the other's toys, you know? Hopefully it will be this way for you!

When are you due? How often do you have your skids?

hismineandours's picture

Do your skids live in the area or are they just visiting? If they jsut visit-that would expalin the no friends thing? Do you try and take them to the community pool or places like that? How about things like vacation bible school-that is typcically free. Or programs at the library? These things would occupy their time and perhaps they might make some friends at these places?

sarebear's picture

Thanks so much for your input. Yes, they do live in the area so the no friends thing is a real problem. We are fortunate that we have a community pool, however, if both my SS and my SD go together, he aggravates her to no end and she screeches constantly. There are other children that may be at the pool and they might play with them some but my SD needs constant praise from adults so she is extremely obnoxious and irritating to others. I talk to her about these things but she just doesn't get it. She's constantly butting into others conversations and saying "Watch me" or "can you do this?" and then doing something stupid like twirling around in the water. Ugh! It's embarrassing. I know their mom is the type that overpraises because they both do this. "Watch me! Watch this!" constantly and it's always things that are really underwhelming. I know kids do this but they are sooooooo obnoxious about it. When we go to the pool when there is an event with other children, I don't see any of the others doing it.

We did do a vacation bible school for my SD last time and she seemed to enjoy it. She's got such a strange personality and whenever I picked her up, I felt like the staff was smiling at me only to be polite. There were a few participation problems she had. My SS has ADHD and I'm afraid she has some attention issues too. Anyway, she tries to be the "funny" one and the other kids just look at her like she's weird. My SS is the same way.

We go to the library too but with twin toddlers, that can be tough. A lot of times my twins are better behaved than them but sometimes, they are typical twos.