How do I respond?
I have a sp question, what if there was a bd that my husband had that he was not allowed to have any contact with since he wasnt married the the xgf. She married and her husband adopted said child who is now 19 and fixing to have a baby. For the past 19 yrs she was basically not my husbands child she was some other mans.(my husband wasnt sure in the first place) Now that she is older we can see the resemblance but his family has never had contact either and now are calling him and saying guess what your a grandpa. My husband doesnt feel its his place even if its just biological. Some other man has the rights for that. Who is right? Understand there has never been contact with this child/girl. Her mother made sure of that from the beginning. What do some of you think?
Forget about places
Let's just get to the point & forget all the other people in this situation. Does he want a relationship with his BD? If so, he should go for it, but still giving respect to the man that actually raised her. If not, he's not obligated, but he could at least send his daughter a congratulations card & a small gift, like you would for a niece you didn't know well.
Just my opinion, as a BD who didn't have a relationship with her BF.
Hipi
Wow
I have to say this one hits close to home. I have a BD14 and her biological father has never seen her (his choice). I took the legal route to have his rights terminated because it was his choice. I wasn't going to make him stick around or pay child support if he really didn't want to be involved. We dated for a year in college but never married, he was the first guy I was ever with. I raised my daughter on my own until I married when she was 12.
My honest opinion is if he wants to talk to her he should try! I think it's great that he wants to meet her. I've always supported my daughter and told her if she wants to meet her dad when she's older then I'd support her and even help her. But she has to wait until she's a little older (18) because I'm not sure he wants to meet her and I must protect her. In your situation, the girl is 19. He has every right in the world to contact her now. Yes, another man adopted and raised her. But even in other type adoptions at 18 you can meet. Just so you know, my daughter does always think about the dad she never had. It's just natural for a child to want to meet their biological parent. Be supportive and encourage him to do it! Good luck
I have some experience with this, too.
My BS9 is from my previous marriage. He bailed on me during my pregnancy and waived his rights when we got divorced. I did the single-parent thing for four years, then got remarried. My new husband adopted my son.
When the adoption happened, that terminated ALL legal ties to the child. My ex-husband cannot EVER contact my child, not even through a third party... no phone calls, no visits, no sending him a birthday card, nothing. He is no longer the child's father. He has zero rights to him. He has no more connection to him than he has to another other random kid walking down the street.
If your husband WANTS to connect with her, that's his choice. If he doesn't, that's his choice, too, and no one should be pressuring him about it. Biologically, he may be a grandfather, but technically and legally, he is not. Not unless his former daughter invites him into her life and he accepts. Does she even know he's her biological father? If not and he tells her, ouch.
~ Anne ~
http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!