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How to deal with a jealous step son?

vessyz's picture


this is my first time here, so please excuse any protocol omissions...

I have been together with my boyfriend for 9 months now. I am 4 months pregnant. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is almost 5. His son from a previous marraige (12 years old) just came to live with us a month ago from another country. The son is extremely jealous of me and the baby and doesn't like my daughter either. He sleeps in one bed with his dad and refuses to let his Dad come near me, much less show any affectionate behaviour towards me.

I know this is a very difficult situation for my stepson since he doesn't really know his Dad, doesn't know the language, has no friends, no stability in his life. I have tried to talk to him many times and we seem to be getting along well now, but I hate the sleeping arrangements and the feeling of "having an affair with my boyfriend".

How can I deal with this situation? Thanks a lot!

reeny511's picture

can you explain "sleeps in one bed with his dad". Where do you sleep?

vessyz's picture

Well, he sleeps in our bed, I sleep in my daughter's room now.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when my SS had a tantrum or a jealousy scene. It was just for one night, then another, then another.... almost 20 days later, same thing. (By the way, he has never slept alone. He's got other siblings, so they always shared a room)

Pantera's picture

Your husband needs to set his child straight. There is no reason for his son to be sleeping with him, period. Is your husband ok with you sleeping in another room? Maybe your husband could make some alone time for his son every once in a while, but he better let his son know that you are his wife and that you all are a family. If you don't nip that now, it will become a disaster!!!

reeny511's picture

and let SS know - he needs to sleep in his own bed! I mean c'mon! YOU are the adult -- YOU make the rules. 12 years old and sleeping with Dad? You could get in trouble with DCF! You dont award bad behaviour with letting him do whatever he wants. All three of you need to sit down and explain what the proper sleeping arrangements are going to be and then stick to it!

Orange County Ca's picture

The others here have a point but lets take it a little easy on this kid. You know what he's going through and "trauma" is not too harsh a word.

I'd suggest you get one session with a family counsellor - perhaps the two adults and just ask how you can help this kid integrate into his new life.


It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.