Help please
Im new here and I really need some advice on how to handle my stepson of nearly a year. He constantly gets jealous of my own 1 yr old daughter in the house, tries to take her toys and gives her mean faces all the time etc. I know this is normal to an extent but its everyday, every hr. He even tried to smash her own little smash cake at her recent birthday party. I have tried to make time for him bowling, shooting pool, etc but it never seems to be enough. I hate to say this but he is a spoiled brat and I really dislike him. Me and my child seem to always come second. His dads a piece of crap who ran off when he was a week old and is currently in prison, basicly a career criminal and I know that cant be easy for him but his moms whole family coddles him and caves to his every wish no matter how ridiculous, ie fudge bars at 9 pm and $300 ipads. Anytime I try to set guidelines he runs off and cries to try to get me in trouble. I cant even be a parent but im supposed to accept him as my mine. I just dont know what to do anymore and its getting really uncomfortable for me to even be in the same room, I find myself hiding in our bedroom so I dont have to deal with him at all. I need some advice please.
"get me in trouble". What?!
"get me in trouble". What?! Im assuming you are an adult right? What do you mean get in trouble? If you are in a relationship or marriage where you 'get in trouble' for punishing a child, you have way bigger issues here. The problem isn't the kid, its his parent.
Get in trouble as him running
Get in trouble as him running to his moms family who we all live on the same road btw, and telling them he was mean to me or wouldnt let me do so or so. As I said he is spoiled to the point of it being sickening and didnt hear the word no till iI came in the picture. Now I'm the most evil person in the world apapparently for giving him basic rules like a bed time, making him do homework, or saying no chocolate or sugar after a certain time.
Sounds like you and your
Sounds like you and your partner need to get on the same parenting page, and she needs to grow a backbone! How are your conversations about this? Once you and her have a united front, then take on the outside family. They shouldn't be having a say in how he is raised anyway, it is your wife's job.
When any new step relationship happens, there is a huge learning curve (mainly for the bioparent) and you guys need to have very thorough discussions on how this child is to be raised. You have boundaries and musts laid out, and hear what her expectations are. If you are going to be in this kids life like you are, you have to have more control or you will go nuts! If your partner is unwilling, or doesn't know how to change, you can always talk with someone together. Hang in there, it does get better with time
We've had many talks and she
We've had many talks and she says she agrees until he gets home and that first crocodile tear falls then she caves leaving me to be the bad guy. I want more then anything for me and him to get along but I will not let that happen at my daughters expense. Her family has played a huge role in raising him due to her being a single mom for the first 6 years of his life, which she allowed and welcomed. But now im in the picture being told I need to be a parent to him and when I try I become satan. It just seems to be a lose lose situation. Im about to give up on reaching out to him, I'll always keep him fed, warm, and a roof over his head but beyond that im really starting not to care which bothers me. Thanks for the advice tho, ill sit down with her and try to have another conversation about it.
you can talk until you are
you can talk until you are blue in the face. She isn't seeing it. We see the guilty daddy a lot on here (I deal with one!!), you have a guilty mommy on your hands. You are really going to have to start standing up for yourself and tell your inlaws to butt out!! Just repeat over and over- you will not be controlled in your home by a child.
Its true talking has gotten
Its true talking has gotten me no where with either his mom or him. Theres never any consquences for his actions and that is going to change. I keep trying to explain to all involved that we are the parents not her parents or my ss. He needs his butt beat one good time but god forbid I do it ill have every child protective agency called on me from here to California by her family. Its reaching the point I dont care tho, my daughter is my life and her having toys taken out of her hands by a child who knows better is going to stop. Thanks to everybody for the input it reinforces what I already felt and knew to be right.
Don't spank a step! However,
Don't spank a step! However, there are even better creative punishments that you can use. For example... I live in the south with gumball trees. Do you know how many gumballs I picked up in my childhood for mouthing off or not doing what I was told? Think about it and get creative!!
RUN!!!!! Bail.Out.Now!!
RUN!!!!! Bail.Out.Now!!
I'm assuming that your girls
I'm assuming that your girls mother is your current wife and not a ex-wife.
Lacking support from the bio-mother you have zero, as in nada, zip, none, authority and any attempt to discipline will turn everyone against you.
Implement disengagement - link below - and as time passes explain to the girl why she must live up to a different standard of discipline than the boy does.
The alternative is to leave all the kids behind and become a non-custodial father to the girl.
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html