First of all it's great to see I'm not the only one with stepparent problems!

So...where to begin...

A little background. I met my SO almost three years ago, july. She is a widow, her partner and the kids' father died from Crohn's disease about 7 months prior. She has four kids, 17m, 11f, 8m, and 4f. Being that i lived about an hour away i came down to see them every weekend, and in the early days things were good. I remember saying to my parents that even though she has four kids she still makes time for me...

Then in November in the course of a conversation about the past she revealed that the last two years of his life she suspected him of having an affair, and things were frosty, and i could feel the level of pure hatred she has towards this other woman, who, to this day, she is forced to see every day as she is the mother of her 8f's best friend in school.

Over xmas SO became very paranoid, saying that this other woman was blocking up her external boiler vent, trying to poison her, etc. It got so bad that SO even threw out all the food, convinced this woman had poisoned it. She was prescribed prozac...over the phone (!).

This pushed her over the edge and she had a mental breakdown, with her paranoia reaching unheard of heights. Example...she thought that just because i kept my old papers in a pinky/purple binder, that meant i KNEW this other woman 4 years ago, and was now colluding with her to drive SO insane. Remember, i lived 60 miles away.

But, with patience and medication it's now mostly under control.

However, the real issue isn't that, it's her parenting.

She will not discipline her children. Any of them. Ever.

Now i may not have any kids, but i have a dog i raised from a puppy, and there are a lot of parallels. Reward good behaviour, punish negative behaviour. The golden principle. I know about consistency..dont issue threats you arent prepared to carry out, kids learn from the parents' behaviour, etc.

A standard day is she takes the kids to school, i pick them up. 11f then sits on the pc watching youtube vids till bedtime. The 8m sits on his xbox 360, in the living room on the family tv playing 18 rated games like GTA V till bedtime. The 4f sits there, watching youtube vids on SO Galaxy S4, till bedtime.

Bedtime is about 11:45pm for ALL of them. I know, i know...

The 17 year old is morbidly obese, about 5ft 9 and 23 stone, sits in room all day on pc. He didnt get any GCSEs, in fact he didnt even take any. He just...stopped going to school, with no consequences at all. He normally goes to sleep around 7am, up at about 6pm.

Those are just some examples...i wont go into everything as itll take too long.

My main problem is ... what do *I* do ?! Not counting the 17m, i believe he's a lost cause, the other three WILL do what i tell them to, and for the most part, SO will let me. So it's a case of "if i want them raised right, i have to do it alone" as no matter what i say, do, demonstrate, etc, SO WILL NOT CHANGE!

So im left thinking "why should *I* do it all, and you not do anything right?"

I have two conflicting feelings:

"The kids need discipline. It's not their fault their mother cant be bothered to set them boundaries"

...and

"Why should *I* be the one doing all the work for HER kids?!"

She will never change, so the 8m will be an absolute violent, stupid, ADHD, chav, and i wont want to be around him, so i know i wont be here in the future, so why bother myself with trying to raise him right?

Sorry for long post....