Rude SD and a Disney dad
This is my first time posting and would be grateful for any advice.
My BF and I have been together for 2 years and lived together for 18 months. He has shared custody of his 7 year old daughter that we have 3-4 nights a week. I get along with SD most of the time and she can be very loving and sweet. But she is just so rude!! She has insulted several of my family members. After my sister asked her if she would come and visit her at her house, she replied " no if I ever come to your house I will poo on your floor" I was speechless and my BF did not say a word, he didn't even tell her off!
On another occasion she told my aunt that she was a smelly old lady who needed a walking stick ( this was because she had fallen over and cut her knee and my aunt was going to get her some magic cream) this time I lost my temper and told her she was being really rude and to apologise ( to which she refused to do) my BF again said nothing and then took her to subway for lunch.
We have recently gotten engaged, and SD is not happy and keeps saying she will not come to the wedding. Which I kind of understand as this is a big thing for her. But we have today taken her to see the venue so she feels included in the planning, and whilst we were there she told me I am going to be a fat ugly bride and refused to talk to any of the staff there apart from telling them she wouldn't be coming. BF did actually ask her to say sorry which she refused and then it's forgotten straight after.
I am so angry and upset I've sat in our bedroom all day because I don't want to be anywhere near either of them. My BF and I have had so many arguments about her behaviour In which he usually agrees with me but then nothing ever changes, he usually also says it's her being rude not me.
She is allowed her tablet in bed until late at night and he often leaves her with it after we have gone to bed. If he takes it off her she cry's and says she misses her mom. She refuses to eat anything other than pizza or fast food. And the other night she had a nose bleed and decided to wipe the blood all over the bedroom wall ( with still no punishment just BF moaning at her for making a mess)
I love my BF but I can't cope with this much longer and my worry is what is she going to be like as she gets older? when she has no conciquences for bad behaviour. I also know without a doubt she is going to ruin my wedding day with insults and playing her face all day.
I honestly don't know what to do.
Sometimes love isn't enough.
Sometimes love isn't enough.
When people show you who they are, believe them. You have had a preview of the rest of your life if you stay with him.This won't end when SD reaches eighteen.
Sounds like she's turning
Sounds like she's turning into my 13y/0 sd. It doesn't get better unless he steps up and starts parenting her. We've had this conversation recently as well, basically I said I'm not going to be involved with her at all, and if things don't change maybe it's best that she's only welcome here when he is home. Currently I'm not working due to Covid and we have 50/50 custody which means when the kids are with us, I'm stuck with them all day long. I'm sick of being a hotel maid in my own home, but the only one who can change her behaviour is him. He's trying and made a schedule but we'll see if there's any follow through. Currently she doesn't get out of bed except to pee and eat and I've had enough
What a lovely child! I'd
What a lovely child! I'd postpone the wedding until he demonstrates that he can step up and be a father to this child. All of this will only get worse and more frustrating for you.
In the meanwhile, keep her away from your family, they don't deserve to be treated that way.
How can you find such a ball
How can you find such a ball-less individual attractive? Don't you find it a complete turn off that he allows his daughter to behave like such an arse without batting an eyelid? He's her father, for goodness sake!
The problem is the man, not
The problem is the man, not the daughter. That level of rudeness in a child is stunning. Her father should have addressed it swiftly and firmly each time. I can tell you that if one of my skids (5 and 8 ) made any of those comments they would have been (verbally) knocked into next week and all privileges would have been suspended until there was a marked improvement in behavior. And my husband is NOT known for being a great disciplinarian. If she's acting like this at age 7 and getting away with it, I shudder to think what she'll be like as a tween/teen.
I would postpone the wedding until he ups his parenting game and her behavior improves significantly. And I agree with Tog - do not subject your family to her. The way she treats people reflects poorly on you and especially on her father. People don't forget stuff like that. I'd also try not to be in public with her until your boyfriend gets his parenting act together.
I wouldn't postpone the
I wouldn't postpone the wedding, I'd cancel it. The chances of him getting a clue are slim to non-existant.
Wow. You moved in with this
Wow. You moved in with this guy after only six months. Time and again he's shown you that he's a crap parent, failing to stand up for you or correct his BEAST of a child. And these are the early years, the best it's ever going to be. Why are you rushing things, especially with all these red flags? WTH do you want to sacrifice your happiness to marry into this dysfunction??
Any man who won't stand up for the woman he loves doesn't deserve to have her. Add in the non parenting, and you might as well plan the divorce while you plan the wedding.
Please don't marry until
Your fiance steps up and disciplines his horror kid. It's quite astonishing how vile she is to people at such a young age, and he does nothing about it? Serious problems already and they will only get worse. Don't tie yourself to this freak show
Definitely do not get married.
The child said you'd be a fat ugly bride? I would have walked out right there.
Kids can say inappropriate things sometimes but then the parent must actually parent and correct them, otherwise they never learn.
Your SO needs to go to parenting classes and improve. Otherwise walk away, it will get much worse.
Sigh. Another newbie.
Almost two weeks since initial post and not another peep.
I wonder what happens to these women when they get such overwhelming and unified advice to get out of the relationship? Do they just ignore all the red flags and plow ahead?
Probably so...but will come
Probably so...but will come back in 5 months and ask the same thing, looking for hope. Until someone is ready to leave, they will not accept all is lost.
OLD post
But had to add. What do you do? Go far far away and never look back. This SD sounds like a lil tyrant who is mean and NOBODY corrects her. The examples you gave insulting your older aunt and you as a bride, my jaw dropped. If I had ever said that my mama would have had me kneeling on rice. Yea I know some will call abuse, it was and I dont suggest that. But dang I never made the same mistake twice. You realize she is 7 now. Imagine her as a teen and beyond.
What exactly is there to love
What exactly is there to love about the moron who created this POS failed family spawn?
Move on. Find a mate of quality and substance rather than this idiot.