If this is enough to make you think of leaving then I think I'd least *postpone* the wedding. If you have doubts that this is the life for you already, I'll just tell you that getting married does NOT make that better - if anything, getting married makes it worse.

In my experience as a BM with a SM who had twins last year, the FIRST child always gets child support calculated w/o consideration for additional children, remarriages, additional out-of-wedlock babies, etc.

In my state, we have an online child support spreadsheet. and the last time I used it at court, my son has first born status and his child support was calculated without consideration for my ex-DH's remarriage and new children. Now, that's just my state, so yours might be different. Or, the laws may have changed ...

My girlfriend in TX says essentially the same thing. Her ex-DH has remarried a nice woman who has 3 minor children and the fact is not considered when her son's child support was calculated.

Good for you for realistically looking forward.

P.S.: Sorry, I didn't realize that you didn't live in the USA, so answered accordingly. The money due is really not that much considering how much even cars and education cost nowadays. The money would not necessarily be a deal-breaker. It's owed and must be paid. The time to argue was before the court made a final decision.

However, you bring up the idea that your future children will have less funds available to them as they grow because FDH already has a child. That is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Your proposed children may be rich in love and care, but they will always have "less of the financial pie" due to your FDH's previous choices, decisions and children.

It is time to sit down and declare your finances to each other and to work out how you are going to operate your finances should you two get married. You need to both be honest about debts and assets and on going payments and try to be open about each of your own spending/saving habits so that you have a good understanding of each others financial behavior. Each of you should be open with how you plan on repaying any debts owed showing how each paycheck is divided up and how long it will take to repay each debt. Work through various senarios, such as should one of you get ill, die or loose a job, what back up plans do you have? If you have children would you both continue working or would one of you stay home, could you afford that? You can also use this time to bring up financial ambitions. Do you two want to buy property together, have you started your retirement plans, do you want to start an education fund for the children? Discussing all of these things will help you two to understand if you are a good match financially. I would also suggest that even after a frank discussion, that you keep a close eye on your fiance's finances and financial behavior for at least 6 months so that you can verify for yourself if what he presented to you is a realistic image of his financial behavior. If you decide that you can't be with a man who is reckless with money then that is for you to decide. If you still want to be with him but don't like the way he handles money then you need to talk to an accountant and possibly a lawyer about whether it is best to remain unmarried and un-linked financially or what protections you can put in place to keep your finances separate should you decide to marry.

Personally I would only have problems with debts that my partner kept hidden from me (sounds like this is what he has done), has no plans for repaying (again this sounds like what you are describing), and is just vaguely hoping that this will all go away at some point without taking on the responsibility to do something about it (again, this sounds like your fiance).

My husband had debts from his student loan and various credit cards coming into our marriage, but he is paying them off and declared them all to me when we discussed finances when we started to get serious about each other and so I was ok with him having them.

If your fiance doesn't think he should be paying this money, then what is he going to do about it? Is he going to go back to court and appeal the amount due?

I think that there are many questions and discussions that you two need to have before you continue planning your wedding. And once you are satisfied that you know the financial situation and you can foresee your financial relationship together and if you decide to continue with the wedding then you will have a clear idea of the money available to spend on the wedding and be able to plan accordingly. Much better to have a wedding you can afford than to be further in debt and blind as to what the future holds for you financially with your new husband.