Am I horrible?
I am new here but am so glad that I found a forum that allows us stepmoms/soon to be stepmoms a place to vent!
I have been dating my fiance for three and half years and we got engaged last summer. Our wedding is going to be next June. My fiance has a soon to be 8 year old daughter. We met online and he knew from the begining that I didn't want kids. I thought that I wouldn't really see his daughter (which I don't) because she lives in Colorado with her mother and we are in Wisconsin. He goes out to Colorado to visit on weekends and he gets her for 2 weeks in the summer and rotating holidays. So at most out of the year it is 5 weeks that I see her. But let me tell you, those 5 weeks are hell for me!!
His daughter is being raised by the mother who coddles the crap out of her. Whatever the child wants, she gets. She doesn't do basic things for herself, like comb her hair or turn on a fan when she is hot (literally she came into our room at 3:30 in the morning asking her dad to turn on her fan because she didn't know how). She also has a problem with pooping her pants and/or not wiping her butt properly so she always has poopy underwear. This gets ignored by the mother and tells her its ok and goes out and buys her new underwear. I'm trying to get my fiance to see that having her clean her own underwear may make her stop this behavior. She has been to a doctor and there is nothing wrong with her medically.
I dispise when she is here with us and I have a hard time holding back my distaste in her. She is sassy and whines and I have no problem snapping back at her. She eats horribly so I try to have only healthy stuff in the house when she is here. If she doesn't like the options we have, I tell her that she will just go hungry. My fiance doesn't like that but I'm just telling the truth. You are not having nacho cheese doritos as a snack when there are carrots, apples, etc.
I feel like a horrible person when she is here and yet I don't. It seems like I am not the only one that goes through this when their stepchild(ren) are at their house. I am very open with my fiance, probably too open. He tells me I am not a horrible person but that I do change when she is there and that I need to work on my delivery. Part of me wants to change that....part of me doesn't.
Anyone else have coping strategies or going through similar things? Just being able to type this all out has been such a help to me!!