verbally abusive stepson
Hi, My stepson has lived with us since he was 15 years old.He is now 23. He has always had a temper, but in the past 2 years he has become more and more verbally abusive to his father. The latest incident was this past New Years Eve. He called home at 11:00pm and said he had slid into ditch getting out of girlfriends drive way. He wanted his father to come get him out. When his father said "was the drive way slick? you should probably have started home earlier. He layed into him. He was yelling so loud that I could hear every word, which was, "I don't need this xxxx!!! bullshit now. Shut the F up and come and get me." When his dad told him to stop using the language he said "just get you gd ass over here and pick me up! I don't need this bullshit now!." He hung up. I told my husband not to go until he apologized. That he shouldn't run out in the middle of the night after being talked to like that. I called his son and told him he shouldn't talk to his father that way, especially when he wants something and that I didn't want him to come home until he could talk to his father with some respect. He of course yelled at me and hung up. He called his grandmother(mothers side) and told her I had kicked him out of the house.(I guess I did). Now my husband, my husbands family, my husbands ex's family are all mad at me. This is something that has caused my husband and me to fight everytime it happens(My stepson talking like that to his dad).I should mention that this only happens when no-one is around and I think my husband is to embarrassed to let any of the family know. My husband said I should just ignore it. I am hurt and upset with my husband. Right now he is over at his ex's moms, taking my stepson a few things and trying to get him to come home. I just don't get it. I don't know what else to do.
Welcome to the club of
Welcome to the club of fighting because of the stepchildren. I get disrespected all the time and I'm just supposed to put up with it as if my feelings don't matter. My DH doesn't mind being a doormat, stool pigeon, coward, Disney World Dad, etc. where his children are concerned. It is easier for your husband to let you be the "bad guy" than accept he has POOR parenting skills. When you are the parent, you cannot be only a "friend" to your child. You get played every time. I wish I only had one stepchild playing that game. Do it with 6. Keep working on your BOUNDARIES with stepson. Go to therapy and get reinforcement that you are doing the RIGHT thing in calling stepson out.
***** Follow me on my blog! Me (41). DH (54). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.
eyes to blue68-Six! wow!My
eyes to blue68-Six! wow!My hat is off to you! I tried to get everyone to go to counseling, family, one on one. Seemed like I was the only one willing to go. Everything you said just made sense. I have always been the bad guy, as far as my husband always telling me to talk to his son, He listens to you. We also have his mentally challenged 28 year old living with us. I can't even think straight, as far as constant battles over him. Thanks for listening.
Your ss has anger issues.
Your ss has anger issues. Most do...but heck if you feel they dont believe you , i think you should record it next time and play it back to SS. Im sure he says alot of things out of anger and most people dont truly realize what comes out of their mouths. I get very angry too and tend to cuss out anyone near me. Then i apologize.
I understand you as a wife for the phone call you made to SS. But not the right timing. He's in a ditch, angry, upset, he wants help now from the cold.
I think all of you should sit downand talk about it and maybe suggest anger management.
eyes2blue68 is right about many things in her post. Your dh will be the doormat cause that is the position he rather take. You defending him is understandable, but his family will not back you up and ss obviously twisted it to make you look like the bad guy.
I personally would not have this man in my house again. At 23, he's old enough to get his own place. If your dh choosess to keep being and acting like this, its his problem. I know you are defending him but yoru dh is not helping himself.
You did do the right thing to tell off SS....just not the rigth time. Next meeting, basically tell him to stop his swearing, control his temper or he gets nothing.
so true! way wrong timing. I
so true! way wrong timing. I should have just sayed out of it.My husband works so hard and New Years day is his BD.This is a guy that shovels the driveway, everyones vehicle(ss also) and when his son gets out of bed just throws his jacket on, out to this vehicle and gone! No,dad do you need any help with anything? No thankyou for cleaning off his truck, nothing. I was raised so differently.I have recently been layed off after working 45-50 hours a week, and I honestly think I had been working so much to avoid the arguing at home. Thanks for responding.