Update
Forums:
I have decided to give myself a week of staying at my house and reflecting how to move forward in my marriage. One weekend alone....I so desperately need the time. Dh now is not understanding and texted me to that effect. Am I making a mistake? I just feel burnt out...too much has happened...most of it out of my control. My cancer, his daughter's re-entry into HIS life, job stresses, my own kid stresses.. I do not want to damage my marriage further by taking this time away from my dh. I hope it strengthens it, makes us both realize how much we need each other.
Comments appreciated.
Sometimes a little space is
Sometimes a little space is exactly what's needed. But after that, both of you should be seeking solutions to the problems in your martiage.
Good luck, stay happy, this way you can stay healthy.
My DH and I were separated
My DH and I were separated for 12 months because of his DD23. It gave us both time to think things out. He came to realize how much he loved me and wanted to be with me (his words) and I came to realize that I was giving way too much to ungrateful people, him included, and not attending to my own needs.
We have a much healthier relationship now. You do no one any favors by doing things for others that build resentment in your heart and mind. That resentment will not go away simply because you try to stuff it down. You and your DH will have to renegotiate what you each can happily live with.
I hope he does realize how
I hope he does realize how much he loves me, but after my conversation yesterday I am not so sure. He has this fixation with that house, I do not know what it is about, but when I told him that I truly disliked going there, felt like a visitor there, and that I felt it was impacting our marriage, there was dead silence. I told him we could spend half weekends here and half there, there was dead silence. He is never going to sell tht house. Maybe what am I holding onto? A man who puts me after his house, his creation, his temple. Maybe that is what it is, his creation. I do not know. Too tired. Well he will sit in his house for the week without a peek from his wife, and we shall see how we both feel. Going to that house every weekend was killing me with the resentment.
Have you ever said to him
Have you ever said to him that it seems like that house is more important than you are and ask him why the house is so important to him?
You are better than me cause
You are better than me cause I couldn't do it. Maybe hes just set in his ways, the whole space thing isnt going to work if youre talking to him on the phone the whole time discussing your problems. The point is to have him miss you and see that he wants you in his life.
If you need space and time,
If you need space and time, take it.
Hypnotic, I guess maybe you
Hypnotic, I guess maybe you can understand why dh keeps his house? How many years did you keep yours? I wonder if it is a security thing with him. I do not know. Today is day 2 of the week apart. So of my thoughts have been that I really do need to focus on my needs and enjoyment s. when I am at his house, I need to pick myself up and get out and explore, do volunteer work in the area, but take the focus off of him. As someone on here recommended F$&@ it!!! I need to be a bit selfish and get out and pamper myself. Maybe if he sees I am not hanging on him, sitting and watching him work, he will follow my lead. That has happened before.
The other issue that remains
The other issue that remains is his daughter. She will be home for the summer in a few months unfortunately. Would anyone feel comfortable spending weekends at dh's house knowing that his adult daughter is sleeping over there two nights during the weekdays with her father? I just have a very hard time with that concept! And I might add that after our wedding, a few mysterious old love letters showed up in the house that I found. Old love letters from my dh to his then cheating wife. Hurt me deeply and more when I realized they must have been planted there by certain people, just like this daughter. The thought of basically sharing a house with this person gives me the chills and real anxiety. That is the plan dh spoke about this weekend. So basically when she leaves I arrive. Sound sick doesn't it. But yes I realize I can not stop him from seeing her and it is his house not mine. I did tell dh that he will have to make it clear to her to not be present on the weekends I am there or else I will stay at my own home.
I think that was meee on your
I think that was meee on your other thread. Yes, do it, I barely even started and DH is already asking "you still love me" and being extra nice and he hasnt seen nothing yet. Its good for you anyways !!