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Re-entry of the EX

Steppedonenough's picture

So a bit of background. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. He is older than I am and has 3 adult children with kids of their own. We are reasonably close with them, the youngest in particular. My husbands mother absolutely adores his ex wife. For years his ex referred to his parents as her mom and dad and spent her day liking and commenting on every Facebook post his family made almost to the point of obsession. Finally after a string of men she found a very wealthy lottery winner and they got married. For the next five years she travelled the world ignoring her kids and her grandchildren. One little girl is 7 and just had her first sleepover with nanny.  My husband and I did everything for the step children during these five years while the first wife sat in the Florida sun. 

She never liked me but we had got to a point where we were friendly at the kids birthdays. All until the night my brother in law passed away. The ex arrived at the visiting hours and was super rude to me at the funeral and the reception. She then proceeded to block me on facebook and act rude at every single even. Fast forward six months and she leaves her rich husband and his takes his fortune. Now she is back around his family non stop. She signed herself up for a family run in memory of my brother in law and put herself in charge of the team. She is visiting my ML and my husbands siblings every week and slowly worming her way into family functions. According to her the ex made her be mean to me. I know all this is a sham. She posts every move she makes.with his family on Facebook so I can see. She has also started tell the grandchildren 5 and 6 how she misses my husband and wants him back. I just dont kmow how to handle this. 


Disillusioned's picture

Be charming and wonderful to the grandkids, your inlaws, etc.. and don't bother yourself with following anything the ex does on FB or anything else! 

Be classy and polite at any fuctions she and you happen to be at together, but try not to concern yourself with her at all

Have a big warm smile on your face at these functions, have fun, and be completely unconcerned with what the ex is doing! 

She seems to be trying to stir up problems, don't let her problem become yours!



oneoffour's picture

You think she has a chance with your DH? If not, follow Disillusioned's advice. Be the classier person. Let DH deal with his family and the fallout. I know it will be hard but you get to sleep with DH every single night, not her. I suspect she is bored and wants something to play with for a while before she takes off with something more sparkly.

ndc's picture

So where does your husband stand in all this?  Is he supporting you and telling you not to worry about the ex?  Are you a united front with his family?  If so, I'd do as Disillusioned said.  If your in-laws are going to welcome her back with open arms after she deserted for 5 years, there's not a lot you can do about that.  Has their treatment of you changed?  Your husband can't control who they're friendly with, but he can call them on it if they're not treating his wife appropriately.

If your husband doesn't have your back, or he is showing any interest in his ex and her new-found wealth, then I'd probably start thinking really hard about the relationship.

Steppedonenough's picture

My husband has my back and there is certainly no interest in his ex. He does however have trouble saying anything to his mother and siblings about the inappropriateness of the behaviour. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

There is nothing to fear from this woman's antics. If his family likes her that is no repudiation of you. They may simply think that he made 2 good choices.

If you do not get rattled and make a big deal of this, everyone else will likely ignore it.

 It really does not matter what she wants, you only have a problem if your husband shares her intent.

Let her see you as secure and confident in your relationship and do not try to force extended family to make a choice . They likely will not want a role in this type of drama


Survivingstephell's picture

I'm really sorry you find yourself having to deal with a crazy ex again.  Its my worst nightmare that my BM would pull this crap and that my inlaws would invite her in.  

My inlaws are getting old and frail and I can see her using a funeral to act up.  I can also see my husband gritting his teeth and not telling her she isn't welcomed.  This taking the high road is the toughest thing to do and I wish you luck doing it.  I'm not good at hiding my feelings so my resting bitch face takes over.  I should probably start practicing being fake in the mirror and see how long I can hold that face! LOL  

Hugs to you.  I hope DH can shut this down and bare her stupid ass.  

Steppedonenough's picture

Your boat sounds much like mine. My husband just wants everyone to get along and sing kumbaya. He isnt one for stirring the pot especially where his mother is concerned. I am not fearing for my relationship with my husband but I am like you I find it hard to plaster on a smile when she is starting to infringe on family events. 

DaniSanti83's picture

Wow sounds just like my DHs ex almost like an identical twin even. Choosing money, materialistic items, and their self before anyone else. Also having the ability to put on that mask of deception and ultimate manipulation. I feel for you and agree with everyones advice. Show her it is now YOUR family.....the family she chose to give up and that you are here to stay. They are not an adimate object she can just pick back up when it is convenient for her. Her time of calling the shots is over be classy yet firm with where you stand because if you stand on the sidelines she will let you.