Tired of being the bigger person
I am just so tired of being the bigger person and turning the other cheek. I did it for way too many years in my first marriage that was abusive, the only reason I did it for 17 years then is for my child’s benefit. I don’t have that same motivation in my second marriage because we have no children together and never will.
Last night it was more of the same. I am the first one to leave the house for work in the morning and the last one to return, but I am expected to make the meals, I clean the house, I end up cleaning up after skid who is a pig most of the time. I am just getting tired of it. I am the one who does pretty much everything but I feel like I have no say in my house.
Last night I was grumpy but not shut down. I signed in to our online banking to pay my credit card and see that a cash withdrawal was taken the day before. The only reason for that is 20 year old skid asked for money. I told my DH in December that any money given to his kid will be put in a savings account for mine. If skid pays it back within a month it goes back into our joint account. But that has never happened, since December I have put in $1,100 in savings matching the money that skid get who works full time and gets paid $18 an hour.
Skid asked for money to take his GF skating and my DH gave him $60 which skating does not cost that much where he was going, and to top it off they did not have public skating at the Olympic Oval that night that he asked for the money or do they have public skating for the rest of the week.
The kid uses his Dad as an insta-bank, and so far has not paid his rent that was suppose to start February 1st . My DH is not in control of his balls, they are in his son’s pocket. It is making me sick.
When I noticed that he gave money to skid, I transferred the same amount into my savings account for my son. All of sudden DH was no longer speaking to me, will not tell me what is wrong, but I can figure it out. I am not stupid.
So DH stopped speaking to my last night, I made sure I came home late tonight so I can avoid making dinner for him and my skid (my kid is out for the night). Normally DH texts me through out the day but not today, but when I finally came home he was saying hello, testing the waters to see if I will act like nothing happened. I did not buy into it.
Couple hours later he came over and tried to make conversation with me and kiss me while I was at my computer working on things, I ignored him which I have never done in the past, I am just so pissed off how he will not talk to me and deal with things. Valentines Day is coming Saturday, I think I will make other plans because I am no longer going to be sucking up mis-treatment, and I am no longer going to be the “bigger person”.
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So this 20 year old lives
So this 20 year old lives with you, has a full time job making 18 an hour and pays no rent- yet has to borrow money from his daddy? What am I missing here? Where does his money go? Why doesn't he have his own place?
" ... I told my DH in
" ... I told my DH in December that any money given to his kid will be put in a savings account for mine. If skid pays it back within a month it goes back into our joint account. But that has never happened, since December I have put in $1,100 in savings matching the money that skid get who works full time and gets paid $18 an hour. " --- OP
Brilliant counterpoint to silliness. Good for you. I'm with the hismineandours: where's the $$ going ?
Sorry but by age 20 was out
Sorry but by age 20 was out my mom or dad's home. I was not getting money from either. Are you saving for him just to spite DH or does your ds need it? How old is your son? Why is DH giving money to help his son get laid? If he wants to date let him spend his funds, really? This is so crazy to me. I had a car at 16 so I could take granny all around. Whatever beyond that I had to work for.
Yep. I'd put the entire
Yep. I'd put the entire equivalent of the rent into your savings account. If the skid pays, it comes back out, just like any other cash going to skid. Seeing the accumulation of the full financial amount over time should be a real shocker to your DH.
You have every reason to be
You have every reason to be upset. The savings account for you son is really smart. It not only keeps things fair for your child, it should also make your dh at least think twice before giving money to adult ss.
Why is this employed 20 year
Why is this employed 20 year old, who makes $18.00 an hour still living with you? Why on Earth is your DH giving him money when it should be the other way around?
This is really messed up and ridiculous.
What a world we live in now.
What a world we live in now. I almost wish I were 20 again so I could have an easier life with my parents paving the way! But no, I had to work in high school and was on my own @ 18. Had to grow up really fast. Not a dime of help from my parents after that. What's with all of these delayed adult hoods? Does anyone think this is at all beneficial?
The world of entitlement. You
The world of entitlement. You would think delayed adults would all have buck teeth since they can't seem to get off the tit.
It seems like your H is not
It seems like your H is not "getting it." Either because he is obtuse or because he is playing ostrich.
Time to separate finances and bills. He can put all the bills in his name and you will place half the amount for the bills in his account. Cancel any joint credit cards. If he wants to take the financial hit, try to minimize the effect it will have on your own finances.
We each only have one son. I
We each only have one son. I put the funds away in the account for my son because it is only fair. My son never asks for money, he is 18 and in grade 12 and only works summers but he never asks me or his Dad for money. In the past if I lend him money he pays it back on time and without me having to ask for it. I do think DH is getting a does of reality when he sees the savings account for my son is at $1100.00 and I just started in December doing this.
DH and I do not have joint credit cards, the only joint account is our chequing account. I purchase the house in my name and I am the one holding the secured line of credit to the house instead of a conventional mortgage, DH has no access to it so he cannot draw money off of it. I have a financial app on the computer so he can see my sole accounts and credit cards and I can see his, so there is disclosure that way but I have a bunch of savings, zero balances on all my credit cards and I attend to keep things that way so I do not want any joint credit.
I had thought about separating the join chequing account however then I would be the only one saving for retirement, without debt and build our retirement on my salary alone and then have DH want to ride me for retirement without him having to contribute as part of a team in this. I am very good with money always have been and my DH is not.
Very good point. This
Very good point. This happened to me too. We have separate accounts and contribute an equal amount into a joint fund for OUR living expenses only. He is not a great saver either. He also sent money to SD for years. So here we are, in our retirement. If anything happens to him I will probably have to divorce him or lose everything I've worked hard for. And what do you think the chances that SD would help out her Father?