They are blind
Ok at the risk of giving too much info......I will proceed. Dh's daughter is studying abroad in Middle East.......NOT Israel. The past week she has posted on facebook, the little that is public, that she wants to spend the summer where she is now, and not come home... Ok..........then a friend on her FB who is a Palestinian posts a photo of him and another guy arm in arm with dh's two daughters. Remember the oldest is " visiting " her sister there.
WTF??? It is one thing to be in the Middle East studying with an official group, but his 21 year old daughter will spend the summer there alone?? And something is up with a guy from a very troubled and militant region??
And crazily.....her mother's family all " like"the photo of the daughters with these two guys arm in arm. Are they totally nuts????
I did share this with dh, but I have to say that even though I can't stand his daughters, I do not wish anyone harm, and this sounds so crazy. I have to say that I believe this girl has tons of baggage making her ripe to become easily manipulated. She seems totally enamored of Arabic and the Mid East. And yes, there is little that my dh can do, except obviously refuse to pay for her to stay behind the semester which ends in May.
Any thoughts? Am I raising the alert for nothing?
I hope you are right
I hope you are right stepaside, but the Middle East can be a very dangerous place for a young girl alone, especially if she is hooked up with people who will bring her to Palestine, which is very dangerous spot. It is quite different there and people can just disappear.
I think you are right. But,
I think you are right. But, all you can do is stop funding it since they are adults. There have been countless stories of them talking foreigners into staying in their country.
I should add that SD is in a
I should add that SD is in a well known study abroad program right now, supposed to come home in May. No contact with her father.....if he sounds alarm, they will laugh..
What is concerning is her desire to stay there this summer? She expressed that on facebook.. And yes the photo of her and her older sister visiting her (??) arm in arm with Palestinian men in their 20's???
LOL re unchaperoned camel!
LOL re unchaperoned camel! Love it! Thank you for the visual, Anyname!
I have no clue if there is danger to your SDs in that neck of the woods, Newandmproved, but i am pretty certain there is nothing you could do here. Some naive young Americans wade into foreign waters that are too deep and troubled for their understanding and end up dead ( i forget the name of a twenty-something girl idealist who died under a bulldozer, i think, in Palestinian territories a few years ago). Or think of Lara Logan of CBS... You are right to be concerned.
But there is really nothing you can do. They are adults who have to make their own choices and reap their own consequences. I would leave it alone.
Absolutely ps.....why do I
Absolutely ps.....why do I care and why bother?
My dh is considering contacting her via email. What to say? Start a conversation? Keep it neutral, like hi how are you? How is your semester abroad and summer plans?
He feels tortured over this...feels daughter is manipulated by her sister and mother, but so what? She is enmeshed with them and loves being the victim. Will this lead her to a dangerous place?
Honest.....if it were my daughter, I would reach out and try..........lots at stake here.
If she acts wrong the Koran
If she acts wrong the Koran has been interpreted by some that she is someone who can be raped without punishment. Of course the authorities turn a blind eye. If she was in a remote village she could be stoned as obviously she was asking for it causing the man to sin in the eyes of Allah. T
Yes she is an adult and I don't know her background you hinted at but as a Daddy paying the bills the money spigot would be turned off and a one way no-refund ticket sent with destination home.
While anywhere in that region
While anywhere in that region is considered dangerous, I think we are envisioning things because of what the nightly news puts into our heads. The fact that you think she is in more danger in Palestine than Israel shows that you have believed everything the mainstream media wants you to believe. But if you look at the stats and what's really going on, the Palestinians have nothing on Israel when it comes to violence and racism. Nor are all "brown people" in that region Muslim and/or evil.
Anything can happen anywhere. Would you let your college age daughter run amok in Aruba anymore? Probably not. The best thing for her is to have another male from the group stay behind as well. But if it were me, I wouldn't trust him either
Onthefrnce.....I hear what
Onthefrnce.....I hear what you are saying. I think that this girl is so vulnerable because of what has gone on in her life. She is a follower of her abusive mother and older sister. Dh and I have often felt she would end up in an abusive situation. Her older sister is the one who wanted global studies, not this kid. She is a magnet for the disgruntled and disenfranchised.......of which the Middle East is known for. I don't care about which camp is right or wrong. She is not in Kansas anymore as dorothy would say. Lol.......
So, dh is going to contact her and see what comes back.. He is beside himself with guilt and worry.
He will not mention anything
He will not mention anything about what he knows......just asking her how her experience has been what her plans are for the summer.. She might not even respond back.
I have spent last night scratching my head as to why I give a shit. How many times have I joked about hitting the delete button on them. I can't stand them. This might be a great answer for me.....she marries and stays the hell there. Great for me!!!
So why am I counseling dh to reach out? I told him I would do it if it were my daughter.
God I hate them, but they are so damaged and their crazy evil mother has made them that way. I still will have no contact with them..
I think this is precisely it,
I think this is precisely it, StepAside: knowledge is power, and keeping tabs gives us an illusion of control. If not over our enemies, then over our response to them. This is out of keep yur friends close, but your enemies closer book.
I am in a situation very similar to Newandimproved's with her skids - total alienation and hate at this point, with BM on an offensive against my DH. He pays for their college - they scream that he does not do enough for them.
It is maddening to be tied to these lunatics with a vendetta on their minds, bc they do have a way to impact our lives. That's why i take disengagement with a pinch of salt: behaviorally, I have disengaged, but it does not mean i am really at peace and have no interest in how the skids are going to act. They *are* a threat.
The unpredictability is two-fold: what the BM and skids are going to do, and how DH is going to react. We have had some meetings of the minds with him and his sister this year, where we are all finally on the same page. That page is "Do not chase them, block BM, let it play out, and if OSD comes back with more of the bile she spouts ( shrink4men calls is emotional projectile vomiting), tell her to take her insults and shove them up her ____".
It is one thing to care about the SD as a person, but it is another, i would say, to care about the effects of her actions. So there is no reason for me to lose sleep over what friends she makes, or what grades she gets, but it's like i am living next door to a volcano ( the BM) who can start erupting any time. The skids are like her evil trolls who try to hurt as much as they can. How do you not care about that? It's like the State of Israel being surrounded by 100 million people who hate it and want it gone, to bring the Middle East back into the conversation. The only way to exist under those circumstances is to be prepared for anything. The way you get prepared is you gather info... and build your own nukes
I can relate to N-and-I's saying, what if i had never met DH and have not remarried? Why be tied to people who hate you? I am trying to look at it along the lines of, The hate and chaos are the price we pay for the love and happiness. But those incidental costs can be pretty high, as you know.
Ah yes.....I so relate to
Ah yes.....I so relate to your words. I know why I keep returning to this site. You and stepaside and others are like very wise sages?? Who make me feel less guilty for the hate that I feel lurks in my bones towards people who are strangers, yet hold so much power over me at times.
And yes.......I soooooo think how my life would have been without having ever encountered such cruel twisted people. But yes, I likely would live alone, or else met someone else with baggage. That is and was my choice.
See, N-and-I, that's exactly
See, N-and-I, that's exactly what i mean: you have morals and you feel guilty about hating people who have the power to hurt you badly (and have already used it). You do not wish harm upon them, this time around you encouraged your DH to reach out to your SD who might be in danger; you do not respond to evil with evil, not with evil actions, anyway. Who could blame you for having less than happy thoughts about them...
You do not present yourself as a victim, saying "it is and was my choice". That's great!
You are all around admirable and moral. I absolve your sins ( actually, i do not see many)
But as for being a Sage.. thank you! I think we all agree StepAside is our Sage in Residence.
Well deserved and totally becoming!
Heavy lies the head that wears the wisdom though...
May be out of the sequence of Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme, I will be the parsley!
I am glad you absolve me
I am glad you absolve me because right now my own teenage daughter is pissed as hell at me because I am clipping her wings tonight! Lol...she slept over a friends last night and wants to do the same again tonight. Momma needs to keep tabs on miss social butterfly age 16
I will reflect on your wise
I will reflect on your wise words stepaside.. Much to ponder. I do not want the door to open!!
Sometimes I wish I had never met my dh and re married. I make a good income live well so why get myself hooked to people I can't stand?
I know.....go back to being disengaged.. Meddling in this will only make my life worse.
Another thought. I had a
Another thought. I had a recent biopsy.....I had cancer several years ago. I spent several days thinking........I have to add that the fear was not as great as before now that I have already had cancer. I did worry briefly what happens at death. Would I be judged and live in something like Dante's inferno? Luckily no cancer, but more treatment needed because it could turn into cancer. So I live life every day with this fear in the back of my head that I will die sooner. So now two kinds of cancer later, maybe there is truth that I fear being judged as a bad person because I do have terrible thoughts about them. I can not think of my wedding without the thoughts of their despicable act.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to
I'm pretty sure I'm going to burn in hell.
Maybe thinking about all this
Maybe thinking about all this crap prevents me from focusing on my own problems and fears..
So sorry stepaside to hear of
So sorry stepaside to hear of your friend. You help so many people here..take care of yourself.
N-and-I, you are a very
N-and-I, you are a very strong person, and i admire your perseverance and fortitude.
So happy that your health is good. Let go of the stress, enjoy your kids, and take good care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.
After what you have experienced with your steps, Dante's inferno will be like a walk in the park on a lovely morning in May. That hell is fun and games compared with this step hell. You have paid your dues, and have nothing to fear. I guarantee it
Memento mori is the right attitude anyway, so you are just ahead of the game.
Your moral compass is very finely attuned... your SDs' moral compass has been smashed with a sledge hammer and stopped working a long time ago. They are beyond pale.
Not strong, just very fearful
Not strong, just very fearful of dying and missing out on 30 or 40 more years of good living!!