I adore my stepmom and my adoptive mom. My adopive mom and my partner aren't close and it would have generated tension to have her there for my first 2 births. Are you on good terms with your SDs BM? if not, and she feels she needs her mom there, she may not want to have tension or be put in a position to have to run interference. Frankly childbirth is stressful enough without added drama.

ok, i wouldn't even be INVITED to the wedding, see, so at least you got to go on the cruise. it's very hostile in my family with the ex and the skids, so they probably won't invite me at all.

just be glad that you didn't have these kids when they were younger or else they would have TOTALLY stepped on your heart. take this as a light tap and a blessing that you didn't have to spend 10 years in hell raising them like i have...

think about the pros of the situation and be the better person. that's always the answer, take the high road....blah blah blah. i don't know why you had to stay in your room, i mean you could have gone and done something you wanted to do. just rise above their pettiness, anyone who thinks treating people like that...are not okay. and she's a cheater so you don't want to hang with her anyway. but its the boys choice if he accepts her then yall can to a point.....

my skids are 21,20,17 and i don't look forward to weddings AT ALL.

That is not right at all. I do not blame you for being upset. that is just plain nasty and dysrespectful towards you. Stepson and his bride were going to put me at the end of the receving line. Husband told them shouldn't i be next to my wife. She had the nerve to say. Blood relatives come first you are just the step mom twice. It was her mom first the ex my dh and her brother then me.
Dh said, that he wanted to be next to me and that was that. he also started about givng him wedding money early, for a a car. he had the nerve to say that we did not hel him with the wedding, His mom and aunt said things,. We say him at other ss house for christmas. We had not talked to him much before that and have not heard from them since chrismtas. He lives abut a hour and half away, so we will not see him much.

Nope. You are not being unreasonable with your feelings. I for one would have sat next to my husband were I you. Whether some fat ass family member had to scoot over or not. As for waiting in my room during the pictures ... I would have been there when the pictures were being taken. I would not have jumped in to the pictures but I for sure would never let the idiot Skids and their equally idiot new spouses relegate me to the back of the bus, so to speak.

I would have been polite and would not have made a scene but I for sure would have made my presence very obvious by sitting next to my spouse during the wedding and while the pictures were being taken.

Whether or not SS and his skanky Ho of bride took issue with that would have been entirely up to them.

Fortunately my wife would never have tolerated that kind of crap from her family had there been a similar issue at one of her family weddings and I would not have tolerated that crap if someone at one of my family weddings had tried that crap with my wife.

All IMHO of course.

being a step child myself, i wouldn't have included my step dad in family pictures but that's MY choice. i did however include my step mom in my 2nd wedding pictures, but her and my dad were the only one's there on my side and we have a great relationship (i call her mom), my mom knows this and asked me in a defensive way, i flat out told her to get over it.

in my opinion, it's the choice of the person getting married whether or not to include steps into the picture or not. How's the relationship between you and skid?

if you are trying to build a relationship with the skid, then don't hold the grudge or that WILL hinder the relationship.

BUT you should've been able to sit by dh (i would've regardless what the wedding party wanted)

I was invited to my SD's wedding. The Ex was quite upset about it. She planned on going alone and leaving her boyfriend behind. SD told her she HAD to bring the boyfriend. It was the EX attempt at getting pity for DH leaving her years before. I didn't get in any pictures and I was OK at the time with that decision. When my son got married, DH was included as a step dad should be. He was in family pictures. My son even included SS in the pictures when he said it's just family. My son said we are all family now. Amazing how mature my son can be!

When Skids had their babies, I wasn't included in the birthing room. I again was OK with that because the Ex was there. And it should be mom and dad. It wasn't like it was a little family get together. That is SD's mom and dad. Can't get around that. And SD wanted them there. I'm only considered family when they need $$.

Yes, my Skids still hope mommy and daddy get back together. They are older 34,31 and 30. I can only control my reactions. In these specific incidents, I do have to take a back seat. My DH always comes home to me.

Wow, nmcowgirl, your experiences were virtually a mirror of mine. I can't believe it. I thought I was all alone in how I was feeling. Here it is nine months later, and I thought, "Gee, I should be getting over this," and here you are feeling so bad even four years later. Yes, it is hurting for me that bad too. My husband and I had been married for 14 years at the time of my step-daughter's wedding, and I felt I was treated like a lump of coal. I was left to wander around and find my own seat prior to the ceremony. I was given no direction by anyone. And, of course I just assumed I was going to be with my husband/my spouse (as you would expect any wife to expect at an event—to be with her husband), and I had no idea of how or where I was supposed to sit with him MIA. After I found my own seat, a few minutes into the ceremony, I saw my husband walking down with his ex-. Again, none of which I knew was going to take place (and neither did my husband, apparently, until about 10-seconds before). And, like you, I was most furious with my husband for not looking out for me. Now, I can only imagine what a stressful day it was for him, but to not check-in on your spouse--come on? And, there was a huge, huge issue with picture-taking. I mean, all I wanted was one picture with my husband and I and the bride and/or groom, but step-son was the wedding photographer, and despite him "pretending" to take pictures, he basically refused to give us any. My husband even called him up and asked him personally, and he still would not. Fortunately, like you, I did spend a lot of time speaking with my husband about how I felt, and he has been very supportive. BUT, I have gone on-line and started doing some research on the issue, and have come to the conclusion that that is just the way it seems to be for most steps. Sad to say. My mom had a step-mother who raised 6 children after she married my mom's dad (after the mom died), and neither my mom nor any of her sisters or brothers have anything nice to say about their step-mom, even though she always seemed pleasant to me, and all the kids grew up to be successful. Now that I'm a step-mom myself, I can't believe what little gratitude my mom, aunts and uncles showed her. At that time, almost 75 years ago, my grandpa probably would have stuck them all in an orphanage if this woman hadn't come along and married him and raised them. Don't get it. BUT, again, from all of the research I've been doing, that is just the way it goes. ONE more thing I want to add, is that I do think steps have the option of just not attending a wedding. I will not be attending my step-son's wedding. And, it is nothing personal. As a matter of fact, I know I have to continue to work on my relationships with both my step-son and step-daughter. Even knowing what I know now, I still want to try to improve my relationship with my step-kids. It is just that I really don't want to be there, feeling so unwanted, and the best way I can support them is by not being there. I am just going to say on the invite that I love them to pieces (step-son and bride-to-be) and think they are a perfect couple, but that I am going to politely decline attending. And, that, of course, dad (his father) will be there. Really, I see not going as the lesser of two evils. There is no way I could ever go to a wedding and just sit in the back row and drool and not way one word, like everyone usually expects the step-mother to do. Anyway, thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent!

When SD got married, at the church, she handed me flowers for her grandmother and asked me to give them to her. Grandma was already seated so I walked down the side aisle, gave grandma the flowers, and then seated myself in the pew where DH would sit.

As for pictures, long before the actual day I was informed that they only wanted the wedding party present for the pictures. That didn't include me.

At first I was hurt. I don't have any bio daughters. I didn't want to be in the pictures, but I would have liked to have seen them taken.

Then I realized how much cheaper it would be for me. I had planned to ask her to go to a very nice jewelry store and pick out something to wear (a necklace) at the wedding. If I am not even family enough to go watch the pictures being taken, then I am not family enough to buy you anything for the wedding. SD had and has no idea what I had planned.

H paid for the wedding. H paid for the pictures. They came and showed us the proofs. They asked H which picture he'd like. He picked one out.
Then they came and showed us the album. The picture H picked out was not in the album and they didn't give us a copy.

First of all divorced parents don't belong in the pics together. When I married we had photos with us and my Mom, us and my dad AND his wife of course, and us and my husannds family. And of course my dad sat with his wife. Who do these people think they are? DH shouldn't have tolerated this nonsense

Your place is by your DH's side. If Skids have an issue with that ... tough shit.

When my youngest SS married he did not invite his dad or I initially, reason he claimed is that his mom didn't want us in her house. I later found out the wedding was not in her house, the reception was held in her house. It was SS's grandfather that informed us of the wedding and then husband called his son. He then sent us an invitation but demanded to know if I was coming. I opted not to go.

Now, husband's older son is getting married (Sept) and husband again has been told by his dad, his son has said nothing. Who knows if he/we will get an invitation but I do know I will not attend either way.

That whole angle of using pictures/photograph to get back at a step- is an interesting one. And, I don’t really understand it. It is almost like the step-kids feel they are forced to invite the step, but try to stick it to her or him anyway by not allowing them to be in any pictures. To me it is so obvious this is what is going on, and if bio-mom or bio-dad see this occurring, they should really put their foot down about it/discipline their adult children, yes, even at their own wedding. Maybe if the couple are young and one of the moms is paying for the photographs and is jumping up and down and saying that she won’t pay for any picture the step-mom is in or something like that—maybe I can see it, but that would be rare. But, there are definitely brides and grooms who really seem to get it and realize at least SOME pictures should be taken with the step. Actually, one bride even stated that “divorced parents don't belong in the pics. together,” so she had no pictures of her divorced parents together. However, that is kind of extreme the other way. Spouses of bio-mom and bio-dad belong in pictures not because of their relationship to the bride or groom, but because of their relationship to the bride or groom’s parents. After all, how would the bride and groom feel if after they were married, they went to an event and only one of them were allowed to be in any “family” photographs? Wouldn’t feel good and would seem weird and insulting, right?

We have had 4 weddings so far between DH and myself. SD33 was first. We have been disengaged 5 years now for some atrocious behavior on her part, but she included me and my sons as if family at her wedding.

SD35 did everything in her power to belittle , embarrass, exclude me in front of hundred of people for her wedding. My hard earned money for her wedding, the 100 hours of sewing and slaving for it, etc. meant nothing. Her mother is dead and had been for 13 years when she wed but I was there to pay for her mothers death. Even the pastor pulled me aside and told me how gracefully I was handling a disgraceful situation. I have written about this before.

My 2 sons both married last year. They both treat my DH with the greatest respect. Both weddings went well.

I must tell you that my son was shouting out orders for different photographer shots. ie: Step Bro 38, Dad, SF etc. and he joked "man this dysfunctional family stuff takes a lot of work". Everyone laughed.

Yes, the wedding of my my stepdaughter let me know how much I was truly valued. Valued only for my money, which helped pay for her little shindig.

The "bride" was rude to my best friend, who was about 20 min. late for the reception... my best friend has an autistic son who had a meltdown with the babysitting, so Miss A#$ Class berated her for being "late" for her special day in front of about 20 people. A total class act, not.

I was not even "permitted" to sit in the front of the church, with the family. When I look back at that, my DH was a total spineless fool at that time. He has wised up a bit, after 15 years of seeing how his little "darling" daughter has treated me... and now treats him disrespectfully as well. DH saved that little B after her mother threw her out, DH rearranged his life all around her teenage years (before I came along) and now, of course, she treats DH like garbage... just like she treats me.

Being a stepmother is not a walk in sunshine. But I never in a million years dreamed it would be quite this awful.

My son got married last week. His father and I have been divorced for 7 years and we are both happily remarried to others. The four of us get along and even co-hosted the rehearsal dinner at me and my husband's home. My daughter-in-law's parents are also divorced and her mother is remarried. They don't get along that well, but everyone behaved at the wedding. We had pictures taken with all variations of family members, with some photos having all 7 parents in them.

In contrast, my step-son got married nearly 2 years ago. At the time, my husband and I were not married yet, but were living together and sharing expenses. My husband contributed several thousand dollars towards their wedding, including paying for the entire rehearsal dinner for 50 people that included an open bar. His ex-wife backed out paying for half as she had previously promised. I was forced to stand by and watch my husband being posed in several family photos like they were still one big happy family even though he and his ex can't even be in the same room with one another. My husband asked for a photo to be taken with us and the married couple. A couple of photos were taken, but these pictures were never among the hundreds of photos that the bride posted in her wedding album on Facebook. My feelings are still hurt over that.

I am so glad that I am on this site. My SS30 is getting married next year. Although I have always said that I would not go to the wedding, as I do not want him to think he has to invite me out of duty. My husband has told him, that I had no intention of going to his wedding, however him and his fiancee said they would like me there.

Now it really is not a big issue to me. I had planned to go away for the weekend during the wedding. Now that I have being invited it would send a clear message if I said no. I would like to add, that this particular step kid has always been civil to me and has gone out of his way to make me feel part of the family. When his other siblings are around, who are anti step ma, he tends to withdraw and stick with his siblings. But never once has he said anything offensive to me, or given me any of this passive aggression that his other sibling do.

All I know is that if anyone thinks that I am going to sit around and get mistreated they are joking. One little foot out of place I will gladly get into my car and drive home leaving DH to sort himself out. And all hell will set loose if DH allows it to happen. He will be locked out of his own home that day. I have made it clear, if he knows he cannot or will not defend me, then lets come up with a plan, so I do not go yet do not offend SS30. If he allows me to walk in hostile and aggressive situation, then he will need to deal with the consequences.

Thankfully they are not having a church wedding. Having read all of this, I think I may accept the invitation and then turn up after the wedding breakfast, just in time for the dancing. My hubby and I love to dance and I am a good dancer, we shall certainly take up the dance floor for the rest of the night. I would make sure that all the wedding pictures and speeches are over. This way, I honour the invitation but I stay out of the shooting line. The anti step kids have no chance of shooting me when music is playing and guests have had a few drinks.