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Second Best

Want my life back's picture

SO I'M now totally alienated from the skids and grandskid. This all came about due to ground rules and common courtesy of a phone call, the way DH handled it was atrocious to say the least, and as usual everything has been twisted around to blame me.
I can't say I miss the skids or grandskid but what is making me feel totally confused and hurt is DH has now created a them and us devide, it is destroying any trust i have, it is eating me up inside, DH wants me to pay for this drama, and DH second family is paying heavily emotionally to the point I'm now according to him, a evil, manipulative bitch who hasn't got a heart- you dont have a heart, you have a cold rock deep inside, you don't care about anyone, you have devious behaviour, WTF, blahblah, all because of a phone call and how DH handled it all. I have three beautiful children who i love and adore, our two bio sons heard everything that spilled out of his mouth. I hate having to deal with this, i just needed to vent!!!

Want my life back's picture

I honestly think he now enjoys that I've no input into that part of his life. I have taken a step back and will no longer mention the skids as it always causes fights. I have now joined Facebook to reconnect to many people in my life past and present. I know DH would be horrified to know this as he would hate that I have male friends. DH has created this with me now looking elsewhere for emotional support and acceptance. I'm now just waiting for our bios to finish their private schooling and I will move away for good once the boys move on to uni.

Krispey Kreme's picture

It sounds like you need to look elsewhere for emotional support and acceptance because you obviously aren't going to get it in this family or from this manipulative man.
And I can't say I blame you. Your DH doesn't sound like a good bet for long term happiness.

Stay detached and take care of yourself until your boys move on-then decide because you only get one go at life and you shouldn't have to put up with toxic people.

Best wishes.

forgotten wife's picture

i read someone's comment on here that seems appropriate in your situation: agree with him. yep, i don't have a heart. yep, i'm a b!tch. yep, i don't care about anyone. stop him in his tracks. then, just smile and go on with your life in the adult and sane manner that a mature, emotionally stable person does; not like he and his asshole spawn do.

enjoy their absence. his spew is a small price to pay for it. he's a mental case, anyway.

jennaspace's picture

I have skids and sgrandkids. If you are the type of grandma that can be cut off due to something small, you were never really a grandma in skids eyes. Grandkids eyes maybe, but not skids. Eventually their parents perspective would likely have spoiled the relationship anyway.

I have had a much better life since disengaging from my DHs family. No more being the mistreated scapegoat. I really think it's something to embrace. Your life will be much better for it.

forgotten wife's picture

Only their mother has that kind of love for them and I'm not their mother. Remember how they've made that so fcuking clear?

Want my life back's picture

Thank you everyone for your support. I've some beautiful friends and family but none of them understand the dynamics of blended famalies.
No woman should ever have to feel the way I'm feeling because of other people. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be hurt because of a man I fell in love with. The strain of child support, road trips and holidays I spent living through a man and his children because ultimately that's what happens to step moms , we are living the life through a family we did not create but expected to embrace with all our heart. In the earlier years I was that step mom I tried so much to be liked and accepted it never happened and I'm now totally isolated fro
That aspect of his life- it is cruel. My daughter has gone off to uni and I will now not be sharing anything with DH at the most minimal information, he will now be on the receiving end of what it is like not to be included- yes it is unfair it has come to this. I feel inside do much hostility towards my DH because of this, though I will plug on a brave face and not let on that I'm am hurting so much- fool him as he doesn't realize I'm now going in opposite directions from his life due to his own doing and he is so blind to it all and the day I leave it will be but I thought everything was ok!
.

Want my life back's picture

I'm going about my life, smile and be polite but no longer giving of day to day sharing of information, even when it comes to our bios, it will be the minimal information required, it's like you don't share aspects of your life so WTF do you expect I'm not giving anymore. I have lost the fight because it is not worth fighting for and the biggest looser is DH.

Krispey Kreme's picture

And if you do bail out, they will all be scratching their heads and saying "What a crazy beotch, we don't know what got into her or what her problem is-one day she just got up and left, for no reason".

Clueless azzhats. Do what you have to do, some people won't understand, but some of us do.

Want my life back's picture

The issue is getting involved with a man with kids, arghhhhh, those are the issues in a nutshell.