An SD wedding on the horizon...where do I fit
My SD is about to turn 21. She is in college and recently became engaged to her high school sweetheart. When I married DH my SD was 13 and my daughter was 8 yrs old. I thought since my divorce was fairly new (2 yrs prior) that my child would have the most problems with my new relationship but that was not the case. DH had been divorced 10 yrs when we met. From the beginning we had problems with SD. Disrespect, anger, abuse toward my daughter, fits of rage, tantrums, screaming and of course tattling to BM. She and BM waged a war against me and my child, muddying waters with me and my new in-laws and using FB to poison most of the extended family against me. If I asked her to help clean up her room then she was Cinderella...If we got a new TV then we should pay more child support. Every visit came with a handful of bills from BM who sat on her porch sarcasticly waving us on. It was sick. It is sick.Now fast forward...SD is 21 and in college. My daughters school goes on a field trip to the college. I guess SD found out and tracked down the school kids. She harrassed the kids, talking horribly about my child and asking if the children knew my daughter. My daughter was not there that day do to a driving test. Thank god.The school reported this to me and the kids told my child all the nasty things she said about her. How Embarrassing!!! This girl is 21!!This was just a few months ago!! My child is 15!!! Now I hear that she is getting married. Her side of the family hates me and thinks me and my child are evil daddy stealing trolls...my husbands family refuses to get close on the slim chance any of the nasty things they have heard about us might be true. Family functions are stiff, uncomfortable and people watch every move I make with suspicion. My in-laws have dinner and outings with SD and never invite my husband or us at all. We barely see them anymore. Keep in mind my husband has around 11 aunts and uncles and over 30 cousins. Most wont even pass me the salt at family outings. What do I do at wedding showers? Bridal dinners? And the wedding itself? Am I expected to throw this girl a shower? Do I even have to attend the wedding? I have already heard she expects her dad to sing to her the song he sang to his ex wife (BM) at their wedding and she wants them (DH and BM) to dance together, sit together and have pics together. My DH said no way to the song and dance but we shall see. He doesnt want to be near these people. He wants me there for support but I dont think I can do it!! If I go all i will hear is "I cant believe she showed her face here!" and if I dont go it will be a scandel of "I cant believe she didnt come and she calls herself a Step-Mom"...God forbid the family guilt her into asking my daughter to stand up with her...Im damned if I do and damned if I dont....so what do I do. I pulled away from that girl years ago and disengaged myself but wont this thrust me right back in?